Sunday, October 28, 2012
I never use to be a sensitive person, I never use to cry or get butt hurt off anything other people had to say. Enter adulthood and motherhood, wow did the days of not crying and being hurt are long gone. I feel like pregnancy should come with a giant disclaimer : WARNING - Hormones linked to pregnancy will cause emotional imbalance that last well after the baby comes. I wish there was a shut of switch or valve so that I could turn it down or off. I mean why should it bother me what someone else says, what real impact does that person play in my life and how I live? Nothing so why let it get to me.
I think a big part of this journey I'm on with being the best me that I can be will be more mental than I ever imagined it would. Most times (with the exception of when I have "baby brain" ) I am a logical person who thinks things through and calculates things out. I never thought that my lifestyle change would be something that would fall outside these lines. As much as I try to be logical and methodical about it, it seems that these emotions I have and the thoughts that come out almost blindside me.
Especially as these holidays are coming up its hard for me, I lost my dad in 2005 (he died in large part to his weight I believe at the time he passed he was about 500 or more pounds) and he was the biggest part of the holidays so each year the holidays are rough for me. For some reason this year I'm feeling it more that I usually do as though the lifestyle change is reminding me of the weight loss battle that my dad lost. Hopefully I can work out all these emotions and thoughts and move on soon. I dont like feeling the way I do right now. I prefer to be that happy person that enjoys life even when its rough, if i didnt enjoy the rough parts I wouldnt enjoy anything. Since my dad died when I was 17 my life has been rough. Everyone has rough spots its what in large part shapes us (or at least me) into the people that we are.
Anyways back to words, words are just letters arranged together to create a word. So why let it bother me, if someone wants to be thoughtless and crude why let it effect me at all. I guess it just hurts so much because as family it shouldnt happen, I get so frustrated with my family with how careless they can be with other peoples feelings and thoughts. I hate how some people can act out of pocket and claim they know how the dead feel. First off dont put words in my fathers mouth I know how he felt about me and how he feels about me now, I dont need you trying to brainwash some BS in my head. Also I dont feel its ever appropriate to say to me that my actions would have my father disappointed in me or have him rolling over in his grave, thats wrong on so many levels. Keep your opinions on my life to yourself. I dont need to hear them or care to hear them.
In a happier note to get away from words, to actions. I so enjoyed going to Zumba that I have already discussed with my husband me going weekly or in my crazy mind I would love to go twice a week! Kelly (she was the zumba instructor) told me that she also has drop in classes at a dance studio kinda close to me that are only $5 as well, or she has a punch card that you can purchase. I might need to invest in the punch card because I can see Zumba being sooo good for me. Well those are my thoughts for now didnt think that my blog would be this long but I guess that is what happens when you start letting the words flow, they just keep coming. Now to watch Madea's Witness Protection kinda turn the night around. I love Tyler Perry he is a genius! Now to watch my movie... night everyone.