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I am very proud of myself

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Yesterday, my surviving twins birthday (his twin passed away six hours after being born), which is usually the worst day of the year for me. For the past eight years, on that day I am a combination of grief, sadness, depression for the son I lost, but I'm also grateful and happy to be able to celebrate the day with my surviving son, my miracle baby.

Yesterday started off tough, but by party time I was able to be fully present in the moment! I was there 100% with my surviving son. I realized that it's ok to give Michael a great day and I was able to do so without guilt.

I took me several years to come to grips with everything that happened and to learn by living in the moment, it in no way lessens the memory of Anthony and I think he would want his mamma to be there in whole for his twin on their special day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yes, you will keep one child deep in your heart forever but the other one can be in your heart and your arms. I'm so happy the birthday was great. He deserves it and so do you!!
    2063 days ago
  • BILL60
    That's real tough!! Glad you're getting through it. Wish you the very best. Hang tough and do "20".
    2063 days ago
    Anthony will always be in your heart, regardless of the years passing by.

    So glad that you could live in the moment to make it a great day for Michael and yourself.
    2063 days ago
    Well, sweetheart, that's what grieving mommies 'do' and for all these passing years, you've forced yourself to go on without relieving that ache in your arms and in your heart for your little Anthony. You're a *real* mommy, Tracy. That means you can love BOTH of your sons and it really IS okay. I am sure your little Anthony, was grinning over the bannisters of heaven at his brother and you and daddy yesterday. emoticon
    2063 days ago
    You should be proud of yourself! It takes a lot of time and effort to heal from such a loss. You have done so well, congratulations on handling the day so well. I am a surviving twin; I'm glad that you had such a nice birthday with Michael. emoticon
    2063 days ago
    So sorry for the loss of Anthony. I'm sure it takes all your strength to live in the moment for Michael instead of losing yourself in grief. emoticon Thank you so much for sharing this blog. emoticon
    2063 days ago
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