150,000-199,999 SparkPoints 193,865

Mom Stuff

Sunday, October 21, 2012

My mom's having a rough time. She's in constant pain from a bum knee - one doctor wants to replace it and the other is terrified by the idea of putting an 88 (in just a few weeks) yr old woman under anesthesia. Now her back is bothering her. Something like a dozen of her friends have died this year. The pain, the pain meds, etc. have her depressed and afraid that she's never going to feel better. She's also doubting her ability to take care of herself. The self-doubt all by itself is setting off alarm bells. My mother has always been sure of herself, even when she's sure that she doesn't know something. So, I'll be visiting more often for a while. When she get tired of me, I'll know she's feeling better...
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm actually glad to hear that her doctor has concerns about doing surgery. Knee replacement is actually harder to recover from than hip replacement, so between that and the risks of the surgery itself, the risk/benefit ratio might not pencil out. My Mom is 89 (90 in January) and she's told me that she has no plans for any major treatment of anything that might come up at this point. She might change her mind if it actually happened, but she has seen friends have surgery at 90+ and feels that it's less treatment than torture. My aunt (86) is having the first of two vein graft surgeries (estimated 5-7 hours worth) today but her alternative was surgery or amputation. Her kids were relieved no end that she didn't say, "Neither, just make me comfortable and let nature take its course." Hang in there! This aging parent stuff is tough!
    2066 days ago
  • PAG2809
    Putting anyone under anesthesia carries dangers and with someone my mom's age there's not just the danger that she won't wake up but also the danger that there will be permanent neurological damage. If they were balking at her age because they thought the quality of her life didn't matter that would be a doctor to avoid, but I want both my mother and her doctors to be thinking about the both the good and the damage that surgery could do. She can't continue to deal with this level of pain indefinitely, but if they can conquer the pain and its a choice between the two I'd rather deal with mobility issues than neurological ones for whatever time we have left with her.
    2067 days ago
    Constant pain will cause anyone to be depressed. Depression is made worse with pain. It's a cycle but can be reversed if one or the other is addressed.

    I would RUN to another doctor if a doctor made any decision based on age. Age should be only a minor part of the decision and the decision should be based on her overall physical condition.

    If two doctor's disagree, get a third opinion or go with the doctor you agree with more.

    I've been in the same boat. Sending hugs to you and your family.

    2067 days ago
  • PAG2809
    My sibs and I are a team, especially my sisters and I. My brother and step-dad live with her, or we'd be much more worried about her. She's lost at least a dozen friends this year, which is contributing to her depression as much as her own medical stuff. I just hate when she goes to the doctor and they just give her pills, so we're going to the next appointment to make sure they recognize how inappropriate that is for her. My mom and her sisters (92 and about to turn 91) are all sharp and interested in the world, so I know my mom will be great well into her 90s as long as she gets proper treatment and my sisters and I plan to be just like my mom and her sisters.
    2067 days ago
    I hope she gets better soon!
    You are a good daughter!
    2067 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by PAG2809