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Results from Week 15 & Musings About My Journey

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Even with the insanity of the past couple weeks, I lost two more pounds. At 37 lbs total, that is equal to my son's weight. It seems weird to think that, as recent as this past summer, I was hauling around a small child.

As I was typing the title for this blog post, it dawned on me that I have been sparking for more than three months. Usually by this point, the whole diet and exercise "thing" is getting old and I just want to be done with it. I definitely have had a mind shift in that I know that what I am doing isn't just for the short term. This is something I need to do for the rest of my life because that's what people do to take care of their bodies.

I've also been thinking about a conversation I had with my little guy some weeks back...

He had come up to me and announced, "You're fat!" and gave me a big grin.

I looked at him and said, "Is that a bad thing?"

He thought for a minute and responded, "Mmmm, no." Then he gave me a hug and kiss before racing off on his next adventure.

You know, I am proud of my son. I am glad that he does not judge people simply because of their outer appearance, and that is something that I will continue to foster (though I will have to work on his tact...)

To be sure, I am working on eating healthily and exercising regularly, and I know I need to be less fat than I am now. By the same token, there is no guarantee that this journey is going to make me thin. And I am OK with that, even if it means that others would be more judgmental than my son.

I have always been a solidly built girl. Muscular. Strong. As a very young child, I had boundless energy. My nickname was “Little Miss 500%” because I ran whenever I had somewhere to go. I always had someplace to go emoticon

I was never lithe, and that was just fine. Until it wasn’t, and my size became more important that what I was doing and could do. When my weight became the focus, I started to be more cautious about how I moved. I didn't want to take up too much space or be the center of attention. Less movement led to more eating and weight gain, and the cycle continued.

Part of this journey for me is about recapturing that little girl. I want to be able to run and jump and play like I did as a child (well, as much as any 40-something *can* do!) I don’t want to feel impeded by the labels that the external world would impose upon me.

Being fat doesn’t mean I am “bad” or “less than.” If, in all my efforts, I am deemed healthy by my doctor and I have the energy to keep up with my two very active kids, then that is great! But I don’t want to be pulled down because my clothing size or the number on the scale is bigger than what some in society would prefer. If I look only at those two measures to determine my worth, then I fear I would always fall short. And that is a sad thing.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I love your epiphany! I am not wquite sure when I passed that point of realizing this is for life, not another "diet". It is a very important realization and needs reinforcing over and over (and over and over ...) as the months and hopefully years go by. This ends up truly being about health not just being "thin". And for me it is also about self-respect and self-esteem. I can't deny some lingering vanity issues ... sigh ... at my age, given I am not rich enough to get cosmetic surgery, vanity is just not useful! You keep on Sparking for the next three months!
    2064 days ago
    Great attitude. We come in all forms, shapes and sizes. Healthy comes in all forms, shapes and sizes, too. But a healthy weight is one of the requirements, still.
    Congratulations on your loss.
    2070 days ago
    Great attitude. I get hung up by that number on the scale sometimes, and I need to stop. Thank you for reminding me of it's non-importance.
    2071 days ago
    This is a beautiful blog. I love the image of you as a child, running everywhere. Energy abounding. Keep that at the front of your mind. You are that little girl and she is you.
    2071 days ago
    I LOVE this! I teared up a bit when I read what your son said to you. Not that it was mean spirited, it was just a fact, plan ands simple. That's how kids are. They say what they think, and are as honest and as blunt as they need to be. Your son said to you, exactly what my son's class mate said to me 2 1/2 years ago. Because of that little boy, who's name I don't even remeber, I've changed the lives of myself and my family. I will NEVER be that girl again. I know you won't either. You're doing this for all the right reasons, and you have a great outlook on the whole process.
    2071 days ago
  • _BABE_
    I really don't think I will ever be willowy (maybe thats the problem my mindset) but I, like you want to get more out of my life. 37 pounds is phenomenal....I felt good at 20 already..keep up the great effort...and post some pics!
    2071 days ago
  • CANDIK48
    Good for you! Love your attitude!
    2071 days ago
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