Thin line between life and death
Saturday, October 20, 2012
So this is a strange time for me. I'm waiting for my miscarriage to be complete, grieving, and suddenly uncomfortably aware of how close life and death are to each other. I miss my baby, but I'm also so grateful for my husband and daughter. And so full of the reality that they also will pass to the other side one day, too. And me.
Oh, boy, this is going to be a weird post.
The light in the darkness here for me is that I don't want to wait anymore for some things. I have no way to know how long I even have to wait. I am not interested in waiting for someday to love myself. I don't want to wait for a thinner me to go see something beautiful after walking there on my own two legs. I don't want to wait for a more convenient time, a prettier me, a smaller number on the back of my pants. What nonsense! What have I been waiting for?
I do want to finish this last act of love for my little one. And when I have buried him (her?) I have some living to do. Because, I don't have forever to do it.