Thin line between life and death

Saturday, October 20, 2012

So this is a strange time for me. I'm waiting for my miscarriage to be complete, grieving, and suddenly uncomfortably aware of how close life and death are to each other. I miss my baby, but I'm also so grateful for my husband and daughter. And so full of the reality that they also will pass to the other side one day, too. And me.

Oh, boy, this is going to be a weird post.

The light in the darkness here for me is that I don't want to wait anymore for some things. I have no way to know how long I even have to wait. I am not interested in waiting for someday to love myself. I don't want to wait for a thinner me to go see something beautiful after walking there on my own two legs. I don't want to wait for a more convenient time, a prettier me, a smaller number on the back of my pants. What nonsense! What have I been waiting for?
I do want to finish this last act of love for my little one. And when I have buried him (her?) I have some living to do. Because, I don't have forever to do it.
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  • no profile photo CD13204501
    True words and neatly "spoken", too. I can only echo your sentiments. It's a good reminder of what's important...many thanks for posting!
    3047 days ago
  • SPAQUEEN2012
    My heart goes out to you. Whever you are, know that you are getting a long sincere hug from me. You are also so right - - we need to start living as if today is our last day. Truly it could me. I saw a saying that I have been repeating over and over in my head -- "Do something today that will make your future self proud". Could have seen it on this site but not sure. It was a moment for me - - doing something for my future self???? Allow yourself to grieve mindfully because you have had a real loss and then take care of yourself. Feel God's arms around you.
    3050 days ago
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