The Saga Continues...

Saturday, October 20, 2012

My roommate has obtained gainful employment as a teacher! It's half time, at a school in Pueblo, but it's a job.

And her husband has no idea how to handle this.

He had her convinced she would be coming home the first weekend in November, that she had no business trying to get a job out here.

And now he has to move. Plan it by himself and get it done on his own because she CAN'T help him pack and plan and stuff from here.

Because he's young..and silly...he has two big name moving companies coming Monday to give estimates on packing/moving them here. Note that he still has no work other than subbing, they have no savings, and to date, there is no where here for them to live...other than my house. More on that in a minute.

Normal people call Uhaul and drive the truck themselves, towing their car. He's calling Allied Van Lines, as though they have a six bedroom home to move. He has a 900 square foot apartment. One bed, a dresser, two nightstands, a desk, computer, a couch, tv and stand, and kitchen stuff in addition to their clothes. That's it. I ask you, because you've all probably moved more than I have, is it common now for kids just starting out to employ a big huge moving truck and moving men to move them to a new state? The ONLY time we ever did it when I was a kid was from SLC here...and we had stuff for a family of four and the money to afford it (for once). I just don't get it.

So I'm thrilled that she has a job. Happier than a clam. She's excited and levitating!

The new issue is that there is no movement toward finding a home of their own. I'm hoping that once the OMGIGOTAJOB! wears off, reality will set in and she will start looking for a home for them. I would like my house back. My nightmare (and yes, I've already had it) is that because Mike can't just settle for "a" place to live, even if it's temporary, he wants "THE house" to live in, they will end up staying HERE indefinitely...with their two cats and all their stuff. My nightmare goes like this...he comes, bringing cats and all their furniture and little by little my things begin to disappear and theirs appear... It starts small...and I don't really notice because I am so rarely home. First my pictures go, and I come home to him on my couch with his wife and no where for me. Then my entertainment stuff is replaced... And then my kitchen table, my furniture, and one day I walk in and it's no longer my home...their stuff has taken over and I have nothing that is my own.

It's Saturday morning and I am awake because I have to get all my laundry done and cleaning finished before she wakes up and before I go to get my hair done so that I can go to school to work before I go to WP to spend some time with Brad and get some more work done up there. I can work up there..he is working too, on preseasons and such. I just don't feel like this is my house anymore. There's a whole section of my kitchen that isn't mine. There are never any spoons anymore. I can't put anything in my freezer or fridge. I don't feel like I can eat here or make something I want to make for dinner because there won't be anywhere for it to go once it's done and there are leftovers. I need to clean, but I can't run the vacuum because she's always watching something and it would be rude to vacuum. I clean the bathroom when I'm in there for a shower. I try to clean the kitchen quietly before I go to work, but inevitably drop something that makes a loud noise. And then I feel bad because I probably woke her up, so I leave it be thinking that I'll finish later.

I guess I figured this wouldn't be difficult because she'd not be here much. But she is ALWAYS here. Today, for example, she will be here ALL day. So I have to go be somewhere else. I don't feel like this is my home anymore.

I signed up for two races this month. I don't know why, honestly. I haven't trained. I haven't run in months. One is Sunday morning. WaldoWaldo is a costume race that benefits the people who were affected by the Waldo Canyon fire here. Untimed, but it should be fun--I picked up my Wenda costume last night--adorable! And now I have a halloween costume for school! The other is a virtual race the day after my birthday the following Saturday. Virtual races are nice because you can do them anywhere and it's your choice as to when :) I had a thought this morning that maybe, just maybe, I can take that time for me and be alone... in a sea of people in Waldo/Wenda costumes.

Brad joined a gym in WP. And part of me is glad for him--he said he's tired of being tired and out of shape. He came home last night and was exhausted and sore. The stairs hurt. Part of me is scared that there will be someone who shares what he enjoys and he'll leave me because she's a better fit. Or just more attractive and more fit, period. This is pathetic and stupid, I know, but it is my fear. We've been together a long time, but we still aren't married and I fear that this is part of why--I'm not it and maybe somewhere in his brain, he's waiting for someone who is a better fit for him. He gives me no reason to think that he's waiting for anyone else, but somewhere in my mind, a little voice still says that no one could ever really want me forever...I'm just not worth it. A long time ago someone said that...and unfortunately, it stuck. Brad's never done or said anything that made me feel that way, but now and then I still hear it. And though I'm losing weight....I'm not fit by any stretch. The weight loss is caused by the fact that I can't be in my house where food exists so I can't EAT. And when I am there, I don't want to eat.

I need to get back to yoga... and the gym.... but I feel ...I dunno. Not right about it. Like I'm not welcome or something. I know with yoga no one would say anything about my being gone so long. They honor everyone where they are. I need to find a new gym anyway--the one I was going to is not looking like they will be around very long--they're cutting classes left and right...and I didn't like feeling that I had to "buy" more services every time I went in. I would love to work out at home, but well...there's always someone here. My treadmill has been moved to a corner of my living room so I can't pull it out when I want to use it...and...there's always someone here--it would impact her ability to do what she wants to do.

I feel like a doormat.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    this is your home you make the rules dont forget that for one min. make a list of rules and tell them to move if they dont like them. lay out the expectations of what you expect from them being there. how much to contribute and their share of upkeep and more. knows this sounds mean but it is only the right thing to do. you should not have to feel unwelcome in your sanctuary.
    2068 days ago
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