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Sunday, October 14, 2012

I have a number of beliefs that I have carried with me for a long time, and some of them are downright unhealthy.

My latest exercise in counselling is to write down my deep seated beliefs (especially the negative ones) and where possible say who gave me that belief. And I am going to share, because someone out there might have a light bulb moment when they see their own erroneous belief reflected.

1) I am not the pretty one – my mum spent my entire childhood telling me my sister is the pretty one, and that I have an ugly huge nose like her.
2) I am stupid – cheers dad, both my brother and sister are cleverer than me, which must be why I am the only one with a bachelor’s degree
3) I must make sure everyone else is happy – not sure who gave me this, my guess is my dad as he was a mean drunk and would get aggressive if we didn’t do exactly as he told us
4) I must look after those less capable / weaker than me – my dad often told me how we are responsible for those who are less capable than ourselves, and my mum was a union rep so championed the weak – while this should be a positive trait, due to where I am at I am looking after others when I don’t have the reserves for myself
5) I must be strong – no one can see any weakness, I need to look after the rest – this was brought about by my parents divorcing and needing to protect my little brother and sister.
6) You can only trust in yourself – both my parents showed me repeatedly you can’t trust others to be there for you, they weren’t there for me, or each other
7) I do not deserve happiness / success – my parents only ever told me that what I achieved wasn’t enough, if I was happy / successful then they would be wrong, especially my dad
8) Nothing I can do will change anything – I gave both my parents chances, I challenged them, and their behaviour, but nothing made any difference.

I am sure there is more, but that will do for tonight.
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  • NAN111
    What a good reflection exercise! It's interesting to see where your beliefs come from and that they're not hard/fast rules that everyone follows. Maybe now that you know where they came from, you can replace them with positive rules. I'll have to sit down and think of some of my beliefs, too. Thanks for the post.
    2039 days ago
    Negatives are so hard to overcome, be sure to say a positive each day to yourself to overcome these negatives. You can do it!
    2042 days ago
    I hope that writing down these beliefs helps you erase them from your psyche.
    2045 days ago
    I am truly sorry you've had these experiences and that they still haunt you. Know that you have friends here that don't think like this.

    I agree with going back and "debunking" each one of these so called beliefs. It might help you move past them.

    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal glimpse into your life.
    2045 days ago
    It takes time to get these negative thoughts out of our heads as usually they are too ingrained. Like you did on #2- debunk each one. You are beautiful, you are smart, you are loveable, you do not need to be responsible for anyone else's happiness. Hugs- keep working on loving yourself:) emoticon
    2046 days ago
    How sad to grow up with such negative reinforcement! I hope you are letting to of those statements.
    2046 days ago
    I totally get that. My dad used to visit right around the times I'd had a baby or surgery. He'd comment about me being fat. I finally realized, he was there when I needed him. Therefore he loves me. It really wasn't true that I wasn't happy, successful, thin or whatever. I am what I am and that's a good person!

    2046 days ago
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