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Double... digits?

Monday, October 08, 2012

So I will warn you, this is more of a release of thoughts than an informative weight loss post.

I just got back from Miami and I had an AMAZING time! I caught up with some college friends. We had a really good time. But....I did notice something quite peculiar. I am the biggest of my college friends, wearing a size 10, i.e. DOUBLE digits... The other wears maybe a 4 and an 8.

[ETA: In college I wore an 8. Now I wear a 10... so it's not that big of a change but significant enough because I'm a short-y ;) ]

Miami is all about looks and while I am somewhat satisfied with my over all appearance (I have a curvy shape, I am fit, I am capable of running 5+ miles at the drop of a dime), I do realize that I have weight to lose. And again, I am working hard daily to get the pounds off. So, I decided to make the best of my current size 10 and try to enjoy this vacation to the best of my ability.

So, the peculiar thing I noticed was that I was darn near INVISIBLE in Miami. My size 2/4 friend got double takes, my size 8 friend who is married got a few looks, and I... well.... let's just say I'm glad I don't completely compose my self-worth on my perceived desirability by others! Maaaaaaybe a few looks but basically I (felt I) was non-existant. I'm not saying this from a jealousy stand point... I am more curious as to when did a size 10 make me undesirable?

I do hope to be back in the single digits soon. I'm ONE size away... but I have really got to start getting the weight moving because more than anything I want to be comfortable in my skin. I don't want to feel like fresh meat at the meat market BUT I do want to feel at least that men find me some what attractive.

Has anyone else had this experience? I'm still focused on my journey because I do realize that eventually the weight will come off... but geeeeez I just wanted to hope that LOOKS (or size) alone were not the only thing that attract men. But men are visual creatures... so maybe they want to Visualize a smaller woman! LOL

OH, I did go on an amazing beach side run in Miami... Running in the sand is HAAAARRD!

Ok, I just wanted to vent.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yes, I've totally been there! I've been big, small and everything in between. Unfortunately society focus so much on outward appearance. I know when I was about a size 7 that I got way more attention and treated differently than at bigger size. I'm glad that you don't base yourself worth on comparisons. I've done that before and its killer. You can make yourself so miserable trying to live up to others' expectations. Yes, getting healthy and feeling comfortable in your own skin sound like great goals. :)
    2070 days ago
  • ACCT1908
    Thus my fear of visiting beaches and such. I'm from the midwest and sitting here at at 12...I'm like Beyonce. LOL

    It's amazing how location makes a difference on what is considered beautiful/hot.

    Well I think you look amazing and I could only wish my body looked like yours in a bikini.

    Keep being great!

    2070 days ago
    I can relate so much to this post! Some localities do place a premium on women being as skinny as possible to be considered beautiful. Where I live I am considered attractive (for the most part) but where I work is another story. I'm practically invisible there. I'm glad to see that you are not letting it get to to you. Just love yourself because in the end that is all that really matters.
    2079 days ago
  • MSSTM1
    I've felt the same way before. But the funny thing is that I might go one place and my friends get the attention, but then we go somewhere else and all eyes are on me. You win some and you lose some. Try not to let the times that don't go your way get you down. Just keep working on your goals and before you know it you'll start winning way more than you lose.
    2083 days ago
  • SPARKLE1908
    If you were "invisible" and a size 10, then I KNOW I would have been "see through" because I wear a bigger size than that...LOL...some men like thick, some men like then...but all men love confidence!!!! I know you are very confident and will us it as extra motivation...you never stop...LOL!

    2084 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Stay on Track, Exercise and You will Reach Your Goal. You are doing Great. God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care.
    2084 days ago
    i dunno.....maybe it could have been the place u were hanging out...... I KNOW men like junk in the trunk and curves!!!
    embrace your beauty and flaunt what u got! you'll get there!
    2084 days ago
    Ok, so you're not hot in Miami, but what about where you live? I'm pretty sure heads are turning :D And that's what counts.

    It's all down to what people are used to... Shapes and sizes en mass modify the perception on the whole. Where the bikini season is forever, lots of shiny shapley bodies hammer the image into the heads of the inhabitants. People tune out those who don't have it. (But individuals still have their own preference. emoticon ) At other areas bootilicious is the norm and pancake flat arsed girls would be dismissed. The fashion world likes skeletal, your average Joe likes his meat.

    In Europe I'd be considered as small, sort of an average size 38. In France, a size 40 ehm, a "double digit" lady. In Italy, I'd have to buy clothes size 44. See how meaningless this size thing?

    Numbers should mean nothing, they shouldn't imprint and carry importance in people's heads. You know how much you need to lose. That's not necessarily a US size 2 or 4 or 6. Reach the weight and shape that makes you go "hm, I like it" in the mirror and then confidentaly step outside. Heads will turn.
    2084 days ago
    Girlie... I think you were wearing your insecurities on your sleeve and the guys could sense it! Guy's have told me confidence is sexy... are you confident in your size 10 body? I agree, you need to be thankful for what you are (young, fit and beautiful) not being resentful and sad about what you are not ( a single digit size)

    Often times as we gain weight we also gain insecurities... and sometimes we need to learn how to drop these walls before we can move forward and get back to the person we really want to be!

    Love yourself at any size, Chica!!! You are amazing, don't forget that!!! emoticon

    And yes, men are SHALLOW! Most of them, anyways... eventually you will meet one who loves you and your body just the way it is!!!
    2085 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/9/2012 12:20:02 AM
    Keep working hard and soon enough you will be a single digit toooo :-)
    2085 days ago
  • LHLADY517
    Isn't it strange how a "number" so defines us? Be thankful you are healthy and fit.
    2085 days ago
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