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First blog post in over a month

Monday, October 08, 2012

First, thank you so much to those who have been checking in on me...some of you multiple times. It's not like me to be as absent from Spark, and some of my favorite Sparkers noticed. That's so sweet.


Now here's where the writer's block comes in. I don't want to write about my current state of affairs. I feel like I'm living in maintanence kind of, except that I weigh 20+ pounds more than a healthy weight. What I mean is, I'm eating mostly normal portions of usually healthy food without thinking too much about it, and I'm exercising probably 3-5 times per week without too much fuss - strength training and jogging, mostly. I've been feeling good. But, like I said, I weigh too much. A lot too much.

I'd like to lose weight. I went to an ob-gyn about my inability to get pregnant (or remain pregnant, I guess - I had one miscarriage for sure at 5 weeks and may have had another at just under 5 weeks, not sure because my hormone levels were so low), and he said that losing weight might help me with my fertility. I didn't want to have to go out and buy new size 12 pants for work. My complexion is not happy these days either. And my jogging is slower and even a long walk starts to make my lower body achy these days. All due to my weight. So I'm in a state of indecision. I know what I have to do to lose weight, but I know that the process makes me hungry and to not feel good a lot of the time, and that I always gain in back in the end, so it's so hard to motivate myself to get started with it again. And I've written all this stuff before which is why I didn't really feel like coming back and writing it all over again..except that I felt like I owed everyone an update.

By the way, the ob-gyn said he thinks Jess and I will have luck on our own, and to keep trying for a few more months. If I'm not pregnant by my 35th birthday, in December, he'll start me on clomid and if that doesn't work within two months he'll refer me to a specialist.

One other thing - I am switching gyms. The gym I'm leaving is cheap, and you get what you pay for. There are constantly cardio machines that are out of order and they don't have my favorite kind of elliptical, the weights are always strewn all over, the class schedule just keeps getting worse and the studio was out of commission for the past few months without ANY classes, the A/C didn't really function over the summer, and the final straw was when I went to another location of theirs a few weeks ago and was told that I could no longer visit that location. So I have 60 days left with this gym - I'm canceling just after a payment was made so I need to go through two more payment cycles, and Jess and I are joining a gym closer to home - a 5 minute drive (or 1.2ish mile walk) vs. 15 minute drive (if there's no traffic) and about 5 miles to the old gym. The "new" gym is actually in a dumpier building, but we tried it out a few weekends ago (for free!) and they have all the machines I like and told us that sometimes it's TOO cold there in the summer (a good thing - once you start exercising!). It's slightly more expensive for both of us in total since my current gym allows me to bring a guest so Jess never got his own membership, but actually cheaper per person since there is no annual fee. There is no Body Pump but I haven't gone to a Body Pump class in months anyway - there are other classes that are probably similar, but I've been just working out on my own lately. They charge $5 extra per Zumba class which I don't like, but I just won't go to those classes. The most important thing is that Jess can go to the gym more often - without having his own membership to the old gym, and with it being a little out of the way for him, he was only going once or twice a week - Saturday and Sunday - if even that (sometimes our weekends have been busy), and he really wants to work out more. He might even go to the new gym in the mornings before work, since he doesn't have to be at work until 9 (and I have to be at work at 7:45 and usually go the gym in the afternoon while he's still at work).
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey hun, so I can say for sure that your doctor is full of crap. Most women who are in the upper range of healthy weight or slightly above get pregnant MORE easily than those in the bottom of their range or way above. But even then,a lot of the ability to get pregnant is genetic, hormonal, or just plain luck... 20% of women have trouble conceiving (more than 9 months of trying), and 25% of women have miscarraiges. It certainly doesn't make you feel any better when you are in one of those percentages, but 20 lbs at your height is really nothing that would hurt your chances or increase a chance of a miscarraige. And I agree with Allison that the stress of trying to lose weight/get pregnant/losing a baby/etc is not helping things. Especially if you miscarried twice, because even though you aren't pregnant after, it takes 1-2 months for your hormones to go back to normal and often get pregnant again, so if you did have 2, then you most likely lost 3-6 months of "fertile" hormones in your body. Has your OB checked your hormone levels and made sure that everything else is in order? I am so sorry for your loss and my heart totally goes out to you for everything you are going through. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    2072 days ago
    great mews, and welcome back :) - i wish i could afford a nice gym like BSC but now that my company is not subsidizing it i can't afford the $90/month they wanted for me to have work as my home gym but also be able to use the one near home. ridiculous. so i've just been doing yoga on groupons and other specials, and lately attempting to jog. good for you for staying so active. if you want to lose, have you read/tried volumetrrics? don't be hungry. eat. just eat lots of high-water stuff ;)
    2076 days ago
    Definitely a good choice! Sometimes you gotta pay a little more for better service. And the better service will make you happier! And maybe being happier will help other things move along!
    2079 days ago
    I think you are making a good choice. Good luck!
    2080 days ago
    Well, you know I'm in the same boat...and I agree with the others that I don't think 20 pounds would really impact your fertility. It's such a crapshoot! I'll be sending positive vibes your way!!! I hope we'll both have some positive news to report sooner rather than later!
    2081 days ago
    Thanks for checking in! I was worried about you! :D

    Your new gym sounds like a great set up - enjoy it!

    I also agree with the others... 20-ish pounds overweight is not enough to impact fertility. If it was, we'd have a population crisis in this country! Also, a "normal" weight range for any given height can vary by as much as 20 pounds. So, I don't buy that. Not only that, if you are actually hungry all the time, that is an indication to FEED your body and if you're providing basic sustenance to your body, how can you get pregnant?? It's worried about other things.

    Just keep trying! :D
    2084 days ago
    Susan, we missed you! I'm glad you are still here, just busy with life :)

    I have nothing to offer you on the conception issue... but I tend to disagree that being 20 pounds heavier then your ideal weight is the cause. Many heavy women get pregnant... it's not uncommon! I do agree with your hormones being possibly out of wack... diet can cause huge hormone imbalances! I love the advice you got to try going on the low carb/ hight fat diet! You will NEVER feel hungry while on it, and you'll likely see amazing weight loss results! I hope you find something that works for you, longterm!!!

    Good Luck with the new gym situation!!! emoticon
    2085 days ago
    I am not an expert, but I do agree with Allison145- I really don't believe that your weight is affecting your fertility- my SIL recently had a miscarriage--- and she only kept the first pregnancy after clomid (? spelled right?) -- if you are prone to diabetes or something like that, then I'd say-- maybe. It's not just weight- that's for sure.

    I think that clomid might be a good option- it worked wonders on her-- and in the meantime, keep trying, right?

    I think that maintaining is SUCCESS-- I also know how you feel- I would prefer to weigh less, but I also feel pretty happy right now- and that to me is MOST important!

    Anyways- sooo glad to have you here :-)
    2085 days ago
    Have you thought of switching to a low carb/no sugar Paleo/primal type diet? I don't know anything about yuor dietary needs, but seriously it has helped myself and many people SO much. You don't get cravings, you get full on a lot of food, and ALL of the food is used to fuel instead of being turned into sugars. So your body is burning fat instead of sugars all day. There are some great teams on SP that can help answer questions, but since starting the weight has just dropped off of me and I really never feel unsatisfied. And the best part - YOU DON'T HAVE TO COUNT ANYTHING.
    2086 days ago
    I can relate to this! I've been dreading "losing weight"; however, we can do this! emoticon
    2086 days ago
  • ALLISON145
    I know what you mean about hating the process and having a hard time getting going after regaining... I just keep reminding myself that "practice makes perfect," so maybe if I do it enough I will figure out how to maintain properly. What's driving me right now is that my clothes aren't fitting, my skin is broken out, and I feel achy and yucky. Sounds familiar, yes? I can either stay where I am, or try to address those things.

    On the doctor front - you may be 20 pounds up, but you are not up enough to effect fertility. I hate when doctors look for the "easiest" answer instead of really thinking about it. I have PCOS and got pregnant with both of my kids at 20-25 pounds over the top end of a healthy BMI. My sister-in-law got pregnant by accident while super morbidly obese. It's more likely that the stress of trying and the stress of the miscarriages is effecting your ability to conceive. The hardest part of the process for me was relaxing about it. Maybe if you shift your focus to losing a few pounds SLOWLY, it will distract you from TTC enough to let it happen. Just be sure you don't do anything drastic in terms of calorie reduction or extreme exercise... just a nip and tuck here and there any you should accomplish both of your objectives. :)

    Hope this helps!!
    2086 days ago
    Good to see you back!

    Good luck with the new gym. Sounds like there are lots of good things about it.
    2086 days ago
    So great to see an update Susan :)
    I have struggled with the idea of actively losing weight too. I have mostly been relying on intuitive eating and I absolutely love this new found freedom and relationship with food.

    If you are a reader, I highly recommend the book Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat by Michelle May. It has taught me so much about the diet culture and restrictive eating patterns. I am still trying to figure out how to balance this with weight loss, but I know I already feel 100x better.

    Keep us posted on everything!
    2086 days ago
    I am so happy to see you back, Susan! :) Missed ya! I seriously just KNOW you & Jess will have a cute little baby when the time is right. I can't even begin to imagine how frustrating & emotional the whole TTC process is, but I really do believe it will happen for you. :) You will be a great mama! I will keep sending postive thoughts your way. My cousin went through the same thing just last year @ 30, and she finally saw a specialist who put her on some type of fertility treatment(not sure which. whichever one gives you more chance of having multiples. Not sure if that helps, lol.) and she was pregnant almost immediately from the treatment,a nd now has a healthy little boy. :)

    I totally know what you mean about being in maintenance mode even though we are both unhappy w/ where we are maintaining. I've been stuck here for about a month and keep sabotaging myself, and keep eatnig candy and junk I don't even need DAILY. I'm here for extra support if ya need any!!

    2086 days ago
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