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Some Much Needed Change

Friday, October 05, 2012

It's been forever since I blogged here. Mostly because my life has become insanely busy, and I am trying to blog daily here: fitem.blogspot.com

I did have a bit of a break through the other day, and I wanted to share it here. Mainly because I know the people here can appreciate it, and also because I know I can write about it honestly here and not offend any one that I know in my real life.

I've been pretty stressed out lately. Our new schedule is hectic, and instead of trading off with my husband, I now have full kid duty until 8pm. We definitely need the income from his new job, so I don't resent this. I feel bad that he misses time with the kids, but we're making it work. The only problem has been that I have to bring the kids with me to all of my exercise classes. Not a huge issue, but it can turn into one when my kids are tired and cranky after a long day at school.

I feel bad that they're so exhausted, so I have stopped going to my trainer's kickboxing and yoga/Pilates classes. It gives me and the kids a couple of restful, early nights at home, and it has greatly improved everyone's mood.

My trainer has been guilting me about it a little, which I understand because it's her job to kick my butt. Still, it has not been helping my anxiety every time I miss a class. I've really been stressing out about it, and it got so bad earlier this week that I found myself grinding my teeth (which I haven't done in years), and I finally just forced myself to go for a run after I dropped my son off at school. It was a horrible run. Just terrible. But, I did a lot of thinking and had some realizations that really helped me calm down. (after a little reflecting post-run)

I have been attending these classes for over two years, and I am still reacting in the same way to missing class. I feel like a failure and like I am letting everyone down. This is craziness. I am not even close to the person I was 2 years ago. Back then I needed classes to ensure that I was working out every day. I don't need that anymore.

I work out 6 days a week, 2-3 hours a day. I am studying to be a trainer and now have very little difficulty making myself workout. In fact lately I think I have been overtraining a little bit and have been trying to reign that in.

I also don't enjoy the classes as much as I used to. It's always pretty much the same thing, and 2 years is a long time to do the same workouts. I have different goals now, and I don't feel like those classes really move me closer to them. I don't need to be doing extra, superfluous exercise right now. I want to focus on lifting and running.

I've started an amazing lifting routine with my trainer. It's twice a week, heavy ST, and I LOVE it. I have made huge gains in strength, and I feel totally amazing and strong when I'm done. She also kills my core, which is awesome because I very rarely feel core workouts. I've always had strong core muscles, but this routine kicks my butt. Love it.

I've also been training for a Half Marathon that is actually on Sunday. I've been getting in my long runs on the weekend and a couple short ones during the week. I need to add speed work back into my usual routine, but otherwise I feel like I have improved my running and want to continue to increase my weekly mileage.

With all of this plus teaching 3 Zumba classes a week and running with a client I am doing more than enough exercise every week. I'm going to throw in light yoga on my rest day to stay loose, but I don't think I need another 3 hours of classes every week. It's just not possible.

I enjoy the classes socially. It's fun to get out and workout with other people. They're fun, simple classes. I just need to cut something out, and they don't fit into the plan. I shouldn't feel guilty for this. I'm not exercising for anyone's benefit but my own, so I need to do what works for me. It was nice to finally figure out what that was.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sounds like you have talked yourself through this - WTG! You just need to find that place in your brain where you are comfortable and confident with your exercise routine and that it balances in with the other things that comprise your life. Those kids of yours will grow up faster than you can ever imagine. Let us know how your Marathon went!
    2056 days ago
    No need for guilt! Change happens, we evolve and readjust. It sounds like you are very educated about your fitness routine.
    2057 days ago
    Lord have mercy! That is SO much exercise!! Even after you take out the classes, I don't understand how you can do all that, particularly on restricted calories. LOL you better not feel guilty about cutting some of that down a bit!! You're going to just fall over one of these days if you keep up that kind of grueling regimen! I'm glad you're getting more rest time and time with your kids though. :) And I'm very glad you've had a chance to think and find peace in your plans. Have fun with the half marathon!
    2058 days ago
    I think you have really figured it out! No need to feel guilty! You are not doing any disservice to yourself at all by changing your focus and routine! Best wishes to you as you work toward your goals! They are great ones!

    2058 days ago
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