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It Can Only Mean One Thing

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

For the past few weeks, I have battled the thought that perhaps I was experiencing a relapse in my Depression and thought that it was all because of the stressful events that have occurred in the past 4 months. I fought it; I fought HARD and if I can recall, haven’t binged to epic proportions which is an amazing thing. Depression never really does go away. It might get to the point where you have a strong enough hold of it, but it’s always there. For the past 4 years or so, I’ve had very good control of it, but with recent events, it has completely taken over.

I’m experiencing every symptom you can possible have and am getting to the point where I’m having a hard time getting out of bed which can only mean one thing: it’s time to seek professional help.

So today, I’ll call my health care provider and set up an appointment with a counselor. I’ll get the ball rolling and I’ll get someone to help me. I won’t have any money for a $20 co-pay until next week, so it will have to be then.

In turn, I’ll do my part by continuing my healthy lifestyle and increasing my intake of vegetables and fruits. I’ll also get back to my walking and continue with my vitamins. My plan is to never take anti-depressants, but to combat my Depression with a more holistic approach. I’m not a fan of medications anyway, so if I don’t have to use them, I won’t.

It is scary to be in such a dark place because I thought I’d never see it again, but this time, I’ll be much more prepared.

One hour at a time, one day at a time. As long as I have Spark, my BRITT831 and my Mom, I’m sure I’ll make it through to my appointment.

I’ve left this weekend completely open so perhaps I’ll be able to clean my room like I’ve been wanting to for a while. We’ll see.

Keep me in your thoughts SparkFriends!


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I was sorry to hear that you are not in a good mood, but I was also glad to read that you understand it and you are seeking professional help. This shows you are really mature and ready to face your problems.

    As long as you continue to listen to your soul, your mind and your body and take measures to fix if something is wrong, you are gonna be great!

    You can make a list with things you want to do until next week. And I don't mean "drink 10 glasses of water" or "exercise 20 mins" lists. I mean a list with funny things you really WANT to do. This may cheer you up a little!

    emoticon emoticon

    2052 days ago
    emoticon emoticon I hope all our sparks help keep the darkness at bay for you. I'm glad you recognize the need for medical intervention. Best wishes and prayers for you.
    2054 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I pray that your darkness fades, that your load lightens and you stick with it, no matter what. God Bless dear.
    2054 days ago
  • NANT406
    Sorry to hear that you're in a dark place. Just know that there are sparkers here to help guide you back to a brighter place. Great work on taking steps to seeing a counselor--it definitely helped me to talk things out. You're a strong woman Miss B--you will get through this. Day by day, baby steps, slow and steady. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2054 days ago
    I can relate being in a dark place. I wish you the best. Take care of yourself. love Joyce
    2054 days ago
    Exercise always helps me when I feel depressed. It may not help everybody though. I pray that you will start feeling better. Depression is not fun. emoticon
    2054 days ago
    You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers! emoticon
    2054 days ago
    You're taking the steps to control depression instead of letting it control you. Knowing you need help is wonderful and many people never see it. Be good to yourself MissB. But then it sounds like you are trying to be.

    2054 days ago
    So proud of u, B! Ur not letting this Depression defeat u! emoticon U are taking the necessary steps to help urself when u see u no longer have control. U have come such a long way, baby. I love watching u overcome the obstacles and trials life throws at u with such determination and persistance. U are a strong and fierce Diva who has captured my emoticon . I love you so much.....
    2054 days ago
    Make sure to ask your doctor to check your vitamin D levels. Depression/anxiety may be symptoms of vitamin D deficiency.

    Hang in there emoticon
    2054 days ago
    I can TOTALLY relate. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder earlier this year which in turn led to me ending up at my mom's house in my hometown in NC when I was living in Atl, GA the past 16 yrs and had a job I had been at for 13 years. I mean this stuff can literally turn your life upside down! They kept trying to put me on antidepressants too but I wouldn't take them. I'm already on a couple meds as it is. I wasn't adding that to it. I'm like you in that I don't want to take anything if I don't have to. My point to all that is just to say I understand. I totally get it and I know how it is to be in that dark place. So just know you're not alone and we're all in this together. I'm here for support. I also pray your new doc is a kind person and listens well. :) emoticon
    2055 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/3/2012 9:10:14 PM
  • CANNIE50
    Hi Miss B. I, too, know the "big liar" aka depression. I have felt better for awhile now, but I know I have to be alert when depression comes sniffing around again. Lack of rest is a huge trigger for me, when it comes to depression. When I am tired, I overeat sugar and starch. When I overeat sugar and starch, I am more tired and it affects my mood. WHen my mood is low, my energy level is low, etc etc etc. I do find that simple things like cleaning, exercising, eating for fuel rather than comfort, thinking of others - tends to help me climb up and out of depression. I have never had any success with the various meds I tried over a number of years. My doctor finally suggested St John's Wort, which I take religiously, and that has been, for me, the most helpful because it does not have the awful side effects I experienced from Rx's. That is just me and my chemistry, however. Other people have found prescription medicine to be a God-send, so to speak. Whatever works, is what I pray you find, dear one.
    2055 days ago
    I loved when I spoke with my therapist. She was super cool & she helped me a lot & I find some times we just need to vent our frustrations in safe environment where don't feel like they are judging us & they are there to help us....

    God bless & do what's best for you...

    2055 days ago
    Wow, are you sitting in the same dark hole I am? Probably so. Do the therapy and if they tell you to take meds, please take them. Give them a chance. There is a reason a lot of people are on meds, it's because they work.

    If I had insurance or my disability already, I would be on something better than I am on because my meds do not work as well as they did in 2007. Of course, I've had another full breakdown since then, but had no insurance to cover talking to a therapist.

    Just keep your mind open. If you can be open to alternative methods, you can be open to medication. No one has to know, but it could save your life.
    2055 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    Good for you recognizing the danger looming and actively fighting. It's a war that may never be won completely, but you've got quite the arsenal and the determination to not give in!
    2055 days ago
    I have also had depression on and off over the decades. It is beyond rough but you CAN get through it. You are taking the steps you need and reaching out to others. Both are crucial! Good luck and take extra good care of yourself!!!
    2055 days ago
    Great blog And you will be in my prayer that the dark hole doesn't present itself so darkly before you get into get help. And good on you to seek help now that you know what is bitting at your back. God's speed
    2055 days ago
  • SONITA34
    2055 days ago
    I too cope with depression. I also do w/ anxiety. Thankfully, I have both under control. I take a low dose of Prozac...this was after trying alternative methods, going on and even coming off of the medication once in order to try to manage it on my own. It got to a point where like you, I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't care about the things I loved in life, my body hurt and I had panic attacks on a regular basis. The day came when I didn't want to sing and that's when I said "enough is enough." For me, I found that the low dose of Prozac helped and I still take it to this day. Again, that's just me and I have tried other natural methods to no avail. Good diet & exercise helps for sure, like you say. Good for you for recognizing that you needed help and you are getting it and doing the right things to help cope. I hope you are proud of yourself because many people don't have the awareness that you do to say "something is wrong and I need to fix it." I wish you the best of luck and hope that things improve soon. emoticon
    2055 days ago
    MISSB, I go through the same thing. I see a counselor every 2 weeks and I do take medication. But I have found that exercise is an AMAZING way to combat depression. You need to work out those demons, might as well work out your body too. And remember to talk to your Father in Heaven; He wants you to be whole, happy and healthy too. Blessings.
    2055 days ago
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