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When will I get my groove back?

Monday, October 01, 2012

First, I want to say, I'm sorry that all my blogs are not always positive. This one won't be a total downer but it's certainly not a celebration. I use writing to help me work through my anxieties as well as document my negative emotions so I can start to see my patterns and maybe find solutions.

Recently I blogged about realizing that stress was my trigger to eat. When I'm stressed, I eat mindlessly. Well this last week was the most stress I've had in some time. Mostly it was because I had to get up earlier than usual three out of five work days and my body was not happy. I'm one of those people that needs at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night.

Despite all of this, I kept my eating in check, I still exercised, although not at my usual speed, and I managed to remain relatively social instead of retreating into the angry, depressive state I find myself in a lot lately. Yesterday I had a nice hike and today I had a good nap. Even though I still feel a little sleepy, I finally feel rested both physically and mentally. It's given me time to reflect.

And here's what I've realized: When you are not spending all your time eating or drinking you feel EVERY SINGLE negative emotion and it sucks! Every insecurity, anxiety, defeat and every other thing you don't like feeling, becomes front and center when you can't use things to distract you from them. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel better. It seems like the bad feelings just linger for days and they make me irritable and mean. I don't want to be an asshole! And I'm sick of feeling angry all the time.

I'm not used to this. Is this normal? Does every body just feel suffocated by negative, bitter emotions and insecurity all the time? Is this because of my recent break-up? Will this pass? Is this what happens as you get older? Is this part of losing weight and changing your life? Most importantly, how do I fix it? I hate being mad one minute, sad the next and then scared and then furious.

I'm not by nature a negative person. I mean I'm not some idiot walking around thinking nothing bad ever happens and life is a Disney movie. But I do always try to see the good or silver lining in any situation and when it comes to human beings, I'm typically tolerant and forgiving. Oh but not lately. I have zero tolerance and I'm impatient. Sometimes I don't even care about being social.

Will I ever be my happy, upbeat, fun, caring self again?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you guys for understanding and letting me vent. And I will definitely post more New Mexico photos. The landscape here is beautiful.
    2241 days ago
    Not all blogs have to be happy and jolly. Life style changes are hard and stressful. Sometimes it just feels good to get the emotions you are feeling out. If someone feels you are whining,guess what ? They can choose not to read or respond.
    Stressed eat or emotional eating is a common things a lot of people face on a daily basis. One trick I try to use is I try to have healthy things available so when I do mindlessly snack I won't be devouring a lot of empty calories.
    The positive thing is you kept exercising,kept your eating in check and was still sociable. That is great. You just need to make a conscious effort to be more positive and take a deep breath before you respond so you won't explode in anger. Try not to revisit the past before you respond also. Bad residual feeling will make things come out of your mouth that you will regret later.
    Do you ever evaluate what you want ? You want to look and feel good and what it is really going to take to get there. The mindset you will need to achieve your goals?
    Maybe you really need to assess why you are really angry and what you really want to feel about yourself. You could be in a state of depression. You just may need to speak with someone who can deal with specific feeling and emotions.
    I think you are a caring person,so yes,you can return to your true self. But it will take some personal effort on your part. You will have to say,enough! I'm done feeling this way and I am going to be more positive in my life.
    Look at that pretty face in the mirror. Think about your son who loves his mother. Think about what you have accomplished so far. Use all of that. Start being a new you today.
    2242 days ago
    Have you ever talked to a Dr. about it...I have SAD, seasonal Affective disorder and it sounds like what you are going through. At least some kind of depression, if it lasts more than 2 weeks. There is no shame in it. Sometimes medication can really help or even therapy (have done both). I know all to well what stress eating or comfort eating is all about. And what problems with things like family, etc can lead you to feel. I just try to stop thinking about it and to do that I do some walking/hiking, exercise, heavy cleaning-just to keep so busy I am so exhausted I fall into bed at night and don't have time to think of the bad times! It takes me about a couple weeks to calm down after a bad episode of whatever it is -like my recent family dispute with immediate family. Yes, when I am not doing what I described above I will think about it and get mad or sad and feel like -what can I do? How, why-what if?
    What is that quote about accepting the things you cannot change and having the courage to change the things you can.....good idea...maybe focus on you and forget the rest and just forge ahead. You will get there! Have faith! emoticon
    P.S. Love the photo-you can do more of that in your blogs - Please! I would love to see you take walks/ hikes and post what you see on them. It is fun! It inspires me to do my walking and post the blogs! And you being in NM is a place I have not seen much of on SP or even been there!! emoticon emoticon
    2242 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/1/2012 2:38:21 AM
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