Not Only Did I Fall Off the Wagon....

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I fell off; got hit by the two wagons behind me; pushed over the embankment and rolled down until I splashed into the river facedown. Lucky for me I know how to swim and had enough sense to turn my head and breathe!

Yes my sparkies I have been mia for awhile now but I am hoping to start all over and pick back up the pieces and put me together again. I am sorry that I have not been a good friend and haven't been supporting you all. I will try to catch up with everyone and be back on the cheer wagon asap. I hope you can forgive me for failing so miserably. I let life take over and get me down.

I have been struggling with the pain and heartbreak caused by my husband's infidelity and we have been working on mending our marriage. It has been a long bumpy ride with a setback or two but it seems like I am finally getting my old husband back and seems like it is true and that he is really sorry and working at making it up to me. It got much easier for me after she quit working where he works.

And as if struggling with all that crap wasn't enough we found out in late June that my dad (who has lots of health issues) also had stage 4 kidney cancer. By the end of July the call came that the nurse said I needed to come. We had a bad storm the night before the call and had been working on getting the neighbor's tree off our fence when mom called. Luckily I had friends with me to console me. We left that night for NC and got to the hospital around 1 the next day. His eyes were closed and I said hey daddy. He opened his eyes and said where you been? I said love you daddy. He said love you too. Then he closed his eyes again. I know now he was waiting on me to get there. He looked so bad and we knew he was dying. Each day we could tell and the only other thing he said to me was hey the next day. He was on pain meds and would cry out help me help me when they would start running out. We made the decision to come home on Sunday and I bawled knowing that I would never see my daddy alive again. This was really hard on me and I can only imagine how hard it would have been if we had been close. (I had a very dysfunctional family but he was still my daddy and I loved him) We got home Monday and had to do some canning (been doing alot of that this summer) and on Wednesday night when I called mom to check in he died while I was on the phone. We headed back down for the funeral ( and dealt with more family issues, uggh) and throughout it all my husband was very supportive and my rock. He held me, consoled me, told me the things I needed to hear when I felt alone and like an outsider and made me feel loved. I could not imagine trying to go through all of it without him by my side.

So anyways alot has happened and there is more to tell but for now I just wanted to touch base and let you know I hope to be back at it and I hope to stick with it this time and hopefully meet my goal at some point. Thank you all for always being there for me and encouraging me. You are the best!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MAGGIE805
    I'm so happy that you're back! Wow, you have been through a lot! I'm sorry about your dad. Hugs and prayers, my friend. emoticon
    2097 days ago
    It's good to see you back here, although of course I've been following you elsewhere. Good to know things are returning to normal, and thank goodness what's-her-face quit that job! Always better to remove the temptation when the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

    I lost my daddy to cancer as well, and while I was far away. It's never easy, but it will get better.

    2099 days ago

    you have had a lot on your plate, so to speak, so as far as the wagon, don't look back...just keep going forward...and you can do step, one day at a time.

    with your husband, BTDT, it will take time to rebuild trust. But it is doable, as dh and I are almost 20 years past his 'incident'. It is going to take a lot of work together.

    2100 days ago
    I know what You went through with Your Husband and I know how hard it was and is! My first Husband did just that with a co-worker and He chose Her! My Dad had kidney cancer so I can relate to that also! I just wish it had been as simple as I thought maybe WebFather had kidnapped You!! emoticon
    together emoticon emoticon Sounds like You got a good start by walking! WooHoo!!! Enjoy Your Thursday! Glad You are back with US!! (((((HUGS)))))
    2100 days ago
    Handing you a seat-belt... emoticon
    2100 days ago
    Oh you have had so much in your life , happen! --You handled it all well tho--You cabn't control that stuff-but you CAN control what you put into your mouth.Good for you to come back! It's a learning experience--You can do this--and even if you fall off the wagon again, don't give up. Many of us have been on here for years----You are worth this Spark journey! Lynda emoticon
    2100 days ago
    2100 days ago
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    2100 days ago
    My heart goes out to you. Sounds like your DH has realized how much he loves you. Hang in there. I've been married 42 years tomorrow. It is worth it if you can get through the bad times.

    2100 days ago
    Thank you for your authenticity. It's that kind of honesty that helps us get well.
    2100 days ago
    My goodness! Holding the good thought for all of you!
    2100 days ago
  • ELSCO55
    Sorry you have had so many challenges. Glad your husband is turning around for the better. Praying for strenth in your loss. It will get easier.
    2100 days ago
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