I had a date last night.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Yes me. The angry, bitter girl actually said "Yes" to a date. More later on how that went.
First, I'll talk about how it all came about. It goes back to something I mentioned in my last blog about pride. Some time a few weeks ago I was frustrated and telling my friend that I thought I was ready to start dating again. That I NEEDED to at least try or I was running the risk of becoming this angry, bitter woman for the rest of my life, hoarding cats until that TV show exposed me to the world. She suggested I get on this online dating site she had used and which two of our friends had met their current spouses.
Immediately I said I can't. What if (my ex) sees me on there. How humiliating. I'll look pathetic. Blah, blah, blah. Then she said: You are too damn prideful. I had to stop and laugh because she was so right and I was being absolutely ridiculous. And then I started to see how my pride has affected and stopped me from doing so many things, including losing weight.
I always thought I had it under control. I wouldn't ask for help or even look for help. Then I look up one day and I'm fat. I was too proud to admit I had a problem and too proud to look or ask for help losing weight. DUMB!!! I see that now but that pride is a mighty force.
Now when I decided that I really wanted to get healthy, I isolated myself. I stopped going out with my friends, deleted my Facebook, stopped drinking. Basically my only focus was working out, eating better and of course taking care of my son and working. I knew it wouldn't be forever, but if I was going to get this on track I had to focus. My head had to be clear. Slowly I've been adding everything back into my life.
So that leads back to my dating life. I logged into the dating site last week. I had told myself I was going to be very, very picky. My last relationship I settled because I didn't think anyone else would ever want me. I'm not doing that this time. I received a lot of emails but for one reason or another, I wasn't interested. Finally a guy close to my age who seemed to be in the same place mentally as I am and was cute to boot contacted me. We started talking and immediately hit it off.
Initially we were just going to meet for coffee but after talking a lot he said he wanted to take me to dinner. We met last night and it was a blast. He was smokin' hot! I was pleasantly surprised about that. He told me he works out five days a week but I couldn't really tell much from his pictures. He was mister muscles and had tattoos everywhere. Oh lord. Ok. Sorry. I'm getting carried away.
We laughed so much and it was completely comfortable. I even let him give me a kiss good night. And here's the best part. The part that makes me the most proud. I knew we were going to a restaurant with lots of yummy, fattening food so I ate a salad for lunch to save my calories. Also, after the date I still went to the gym. Yes. I stuck with my program despite this delicious, handsome distraction. But he was cool with it because he understands about being dedicated to good health.
He texted me after he left, telling me how great he thinks I am and then again this morning. It feels good to be out there dating again. I don't know if anything will come of this and I'm ok with that. The important thing is I put my bitter ass back out there and I was strong enough to stick to what I wanted and needed. I took care of me and that more than anything made me happy.