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Coming back, part 2: coming back to peace

Friday, September 14, 2012

My week was fantastic.

I didn't keep up with my program perfectly. And guess what? I don't care. Why? Because I did the best I could. I still had an awesome week. I went to the gym three times and going back tomorrow as every Saturday. I gave myself 200% at the gym, doing more cardio than usual and increasing my weights in strenght training. I ran 5 kms Wednesday night, and I took a walk yesterday with my friends. I resisted high-calorie treats at Second Cup Tuesday night, I cooked really good meals and an incredibly delicious coffee cake, which everyone loved. It was high in fat and sugar (half my new margarine went in this cake) but I only had 3 pieces (1/8 cake) this week. I gave two to my sister and Fred also had 3.

I got bad news, though. Wednesday night, right after job, I received a text message from my brother saying there were bad news about Zak, one of my parents' dogs. He didn't know what, but he said my mom couldn't speak to him on the phone because she was crying too much. I already knew he was really old (he's 11 and a big dog - mix of labrador and bernese mountain dog) and he went pretty deaf last Summer. He's had trouble with one of his paws ever since a car rolled on it, and he can't keep up with everyone's pace anymore. He has a lot of weird scabs and bumps all over his body. I told my sister about the text message and she immediatly called our parents. My dad answered and since he's a man and doesn't know how to handle these situations he got mad and was being mean to her. So he gave the phone to my mom and she told my sister that she went to the vet for his yearly visit, and the vet said he was suffering a lot from arthritis and they had to choose between putting him to sleep or putting him on medications that would or would not work.

The choice is obvious - and I knew mom would choose to have him put to sleep even though she said she didn't know yet. I was crying a lot so I skipped zumba to stay home. I still went running though, and it did a lot of good, both to my body and brain. I was getting prepared for this event - I got started last Christmas when I saw the state our dog was in. I rarely see my parents because they live far away, so I didn't know Zak got so bad.

Thursday morning I got an email at job, it was mom telling me she made her decision, she just didn't know the date yet. I thanked her for telling me and asked her to tell me when she'd know the date. My sister didn't take it that well, and my brother just decided to get drunk, then to fly to our hometown for the weekend. No way I'm going there to be crying for 3 days around a dog who won't know what's happening.

I'm sad. But it's life. And his life's come to an end. I really hate knowing that animals are suffering, so I know she made the right choice, and I hope she won't wait too long before acting. He's in pain. So I still cry when I go to sleep, and when I think about the day we got him, and all the good times spent with this dog. He's seen me grow from a confused 11 years old to a 22 years old confident woman. He's seen me in my worst times - in the deepest of my depression - and he's always been there. But now is his time.

So that's the bad side of my week. But I'm proud of myself for not making drama out of this situation, for not panicking. I'm better at mourning. And I'm in peace.

Back to my life. I have to unpack all the stuff I bought at the Body Shop. It cost me $75 - and I saved $55. Yes, I bought 130 bucks worth of Body Shop products. LOL. I love this place too much, it's going to ruin me. (That's why I almost never go.) But this was a treat I needed and wanted. :)
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