MSSUNBUG
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My 6 Month Absence

Friday, September 14, 2012

I'm so overwhelmed at the prospect of checking in and updating here after six months of being MIA. So much has changed in my personal life, and so much of it is STILL changing--truly, truly overwhelmed.

New job. Half Ironman. Separation from my partner of 16 years, my very best friend in this world. New place to live. There have been happy days and devastating days.

In the process I gained 20 pounds, then lost 25, then gained 10, lost 8, repeat repeat. Some good take-aways: an ideal weight is not an arrival, a destination. There is more to health and well being than weight. There is no "right" way to do this. This is a lifelong struggle. It does not make me a bad person that I turn to food in the midst of extreme emotional and physical stress. No decision, no series of decisions, add up to something that one cannot ever again get a grip on. In other words, the 15 pounds I am carrying now that I don't want to carry are not permanent, not "unfixable," and do not make me a bad person. They do not make me anything. They do not make me.

Picking up the pieces has been messy, and it's still very much a work in progress. I have a lot of love and support and light and positivity and hope around me, and I've been leaning on it, hard. I'm going to continue to.

I'm also ready to pick up the (comparatively simple) pieces of getting my health back. I used to hear people say that too much stress, not enough sleep, less than stellar eating, these things will make one physically unwell--and I didn't really believe it to be true. I've been on and off sick for about 8 weeks. I'm now certain I understand why.

So. There's where I am. More change, more growth, in the thick of something incredibly messy and difficult to share about. But I'm sharing what I can. A good start.

Love and light to my spark family. Apologies up, down, and sideways for being absent in support of YOUR journeys. You are free to contact me anytime, always.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ADVENTURESEEKER
    Way to go on not letting the extra weight not define you. It can come off as it came off in the first place. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. What a devastating situation, surely. I could make some comment about 'God doesn't give us....' or 'life gets better...' or any other popular saying for this situation, but really? I'm sending you **hugs** and some virtual strength and willpower. It may not be much, but it sounds like you need some. Take care!
    2233 days ago
  • DUXGRL1
    Welcome back!
    2241 days ago
  • SYNCHRODAD
    I've been incognito for a year. I read your page, very encouraging. Thanks!
    2242 days ago
  • C4CHRISTINE
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    be strong!
    2243 days ago
  • ME_HERE_NOW
    life man, never ever know what is going to happen, things are all over the map here too, some days are top of the world and others i just want to crawl in a hole and never emerge...i am lost, i am 30 lbs up...you look fabulous and are as active as ever, i am proud of you for taking control of your life and making things happen, it is not always easy when you step off the path of least resistance, but you are a strong independent woman and we all love you. xoxoxoxo. here for you always.
    2245 days ago
  • PAPAMIKIE
    Thoughts, prayers and good vibrations sent your way.

    Popie
    2246 days ago
  • SGRAY478
    Glad to have you back lady!!
    2246 days ago
  • KNH771
    Welcome back! You've definitely been going through a lot. Of course blogging wouldn't be at the top of your to-do list!

    Kenya
    2247 days ago
  • KAREN_01
    It sounds as if you've gone through a lot in these 6months! Really, you needn't apologize at all.
    Glad to know you've got a lot of support around you.
    Big (((HUGS))) from me.
    2247 days ago
  • SUNNYSIDEUPMARY
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    2247 days ago
  • SPARKLISE
    Welcome back! emoticon
    Stress does play on health-i've been finding that out this last year! emoticon
    Glad to see the little extra weight is not throwing you into a loop that you can't get out of. emoticon emoticon
    2248 days ago
  • MICHELLE-NEW
    You sure do have lots on your plate right now. emoticon
    2248 days ago
  • MELIVA
    No need for apologies...just WELCOME BACK, you've been missed. I hope things settle down for you and find your groove.
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    2248 days ago
  • CIZETHEDAY124
    Wow - you really have a lot of changes! I am happy to see you back and posting!

    emoticon emoticon
    2248 days ago
  • OLDERDANDRT
    Glad you're back and sooooo sorry for all you've been through!! But as you said, "an ideal weight is not an arrival, a destination." You're on a journey and it's name is "life". I'd say you're doing pretty darned good!! You've had hardships, yes, but you've come through them and still in the race!!
    No need to apologize. Please know I'm here for you whenever you need me!! emoticon emoticon
    2249 days ago
  • JLITT62
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    2249 days ago
  • MT-MOONCHASER
    Congrats on the half Ironman, I know you trained a lot for it.

    I hope the new job is a step up in the world.

    I'm sorry to read of your separation, I know that you gave it your all.

    I hope the new place to live meets your expectations.

    As everyone has noted, we are here to support you in whatever way we can.

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    2249 days ago
  • SUSUSUZZZIE
    I agree with others - please don't apologize. So sorry you've had to go through so much and I wish you all the best as you continue on your journey.

    Welcome back and Hugs to you!
    emoticon
    2249 days ago
  • HAWAIIANMAMMA
    You can do this and we are all here to support you. I'm glad you're back!
    2250 days ago
  • TAKEONME48137
    Welcome back Melissa! I'm sorry to see that you have been going through so much. You are a strong individual and have inspired me to keep going, and I know that you can get through everything. *hugs*
    2250 days ago
  • ARUNNINGKAT
    emoticon Welcome back and good luck on your journey of picking up the pieces! Life is funny sometimes, but I am glad that you aren't letting it get you down and keep you down.
    2250 days ago
  • ZIRCADIA
    *HUGS* Thanks for the blog post! And for this part. "the 15 pounds I am carrying now that I don't want to carry are not permanent, not "unfixable" and do not make me a bad person." PREACH! :)
    2250 days ago
  • no profile photo TIMDEB
    Welcome back!
    2250 days ago
  • GRACEFULJOURNEY
    You need to take care of your self. No need to apologize. I think we all at some point, drop checking into SP as we become focused on other aspects of our lives. Many of us return because there is great support that can come from others going through similar struggles.
    emoticon emoticon
    2250 days ago
  • FREES1
    so sorry to hear of all that has been happening for and with you - especially that 16 year part... could your partner not take the changes in you?
    and not to worry about being here for us - you have to take care of yourself before reaching out to care for others..
    we will all get through this thing called life together
    2250 days ago
  • MANLEYSANDY
    I am sorry to hear about the break-up but I am glad that you know where to turn when times get tough!

    Keep a chin up...life has a funny way of being messy sometimes, but as long as we can clean it up, we will survive!!

    emoticon
    2250 days ago
  • AMSPARKER
    Oh boy, So SORRY to hear this! Please take care of yourself...we are here and will always be here, so no apologies necessary. continue to work through this, anyway that you can...16 years is no joke, there is a lot of history there that will ALWAYs be there. HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    2250 days ago
  • SMILINGTREE
    No apologies necessary. Sorry to hear that life has been hard for you recently, but I'm so happy to hear you know that you are growing and changing and looking forward with as positive attitude as you can have.

    You don't have to catch up here, so much. You can just jump right back in. And, you don't have to share everything - just come here for support when you need it. You don't have to say WHY you need it.

    Take care of yourself - in every respect. And we will all be here anytime you want to drop in.
    2250 days ago
  • KLAD_COCKERS
    I'm so sorry that you're struggling right now . . . life changes are so very difficult, and it seems like 2012 has been a year of major highs and lows for a lot of folks I know. Just know that your Spark family is here for you too, if you ever need a fresh ear to listen.

    Take care of yourself . . . it sounds like your recently-found insight is intact, and that will help immensely as you get used to a new life.

    Hugs to you Melissa . . . .
    2250 days ago
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