My 6 Month Absence
Friday, September 14, 2012
I'm so overwhelmed at the prospect of checking in and updating here after six months of being MIA. So much has changed in my personal life, and so much of it is STILL changing--truly, truly overwhelmed.
New job. Half Ironman. Separation from my partner of 16 years, my very best friend in this world. New place to live. There have been happy days and devastating days.
In the process I gained 20 pounds, then lost 25, then gained 10, lost 8, repeat repeat. Some good take-aways: an ideal weight is not an arrival, a destination. There is more to health and well being than weight. There is no "right" way to do this. This is a lifelong struggle. It does not make me a bad person that I turn to food in the midst of extreme emotional and physical stress. No decision, no series of decisions, add up to something that one cannot ever again get a grip on. In other words, the 15 pounds I am carrying now that I don't want to carry are not permanent, not "unfixable," and do not make me a bad person. They do not make me anything. They do not make me.
Picking up the pieces has been messy, and it's still very much a work in progress. I have a lot of love and support and light and positivity and hope around me, and I've been leaning on it, hard. I'm going to continue to.
I'm also ready to pick up the (comparatively simple) pieces of getting my health back. I used to hear people say that too much stress, not enough sleep, less than stellar eating, these things will make one physically unwell--and I didn't really believe it to be true. I've been on and off sick for about 8 weeks. I'm now certain I understand why.
So. There's where I am. More change, more growth, in the thick of something incredibly messy and difficult to share about. But I'm sharing what I can. A good start.
Love and light to my spark family. Apologies up, down, and sideways for being absent in support of YOUR journeys. You are free to contact me anytime, always.