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Recalibrating (with revelations and pictures)

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Motivation, you fickle friend! I’m having coffee with you this morning and we are going to discuss how the next six months of my life are going to go. I hope you are prepared for a serious commitment now because I plan on having your name tattooed on my booty…

The last three weeks have felt like a blur. The start of school is always insane (and I always seem to forget that!), and deciding to travel at the beginning of the school year might not have been the best idea. I survived. I am surviving.

Now it is time to get back to thriving.

The last three weeks have served as an important reminder to me that 1) the rules have changed for me and 2) I have to play by the new rules if I want to continue to be successful on this journey. Managing my stress is NOT optional. Taking care of myself FIRST is NOT optional. Making good choices is NOT optional. Going back is NOT OPTIONAL.

Yesterday, after a long walk with the dog, I decided that I wanted to change my ticker to reflect my new weight loss goals. I have been choosing to step away from my past and a lot of the weight I carried for all of those years represents so much of my past. All of the pain, the hurt, the insulation, the humiliation, the depression, the anger, the failure that those 60 pounds represented are gone. I have forgiven those who have hurt me, I have forgiven myself and now it is time to move forward and stop being connected to my hurtful past. It does not serve me. I don’t ever want to rewind. I don’t ever want to go back.

So I’m moving forward from where I am. Not ‘restarting’, just recalibrating. My body has been on quite the journey in the last six months! I need to respect that, celebrate my victories and the march onward to my final goal. When I started this I was spilling out of my 14s. Now I’m in 8s and squeezing into 6s! It doesn’t seem like a big deal. Then I look at this pic:

I may not see it still, but I have changed.

The other day I took a picture of where I started at what must have been my highest weight in 2010. I’ve never really showed anyone this picture – but a thoughtful parent made me a billion copies since it is a picture of me winning a very special award.

Here I am then:

Here I am now (please excuse my messy room!):

My face is thinner and my collar bones show:

It is starting to sink in how far I’ve come. It still sounds weird when people tell me I look skinny. I’m not used to that – and I still feel like I look the same. But I’m working hard to change my perspective.

And every day, when I fit into those smaller pants, I am very thankful for the events that brought this change in to my life.

35 pounds is all that is between me and my goal now. Part of me is sad that the ticker isn’t going to show my total loss. But I realized it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m starting to get my life back. No, scratch that, I’ve never really had a life where weight wasn’t an issue, so really I am just starting to understand what it feels like to take weight out of the equation. For the first time, I’m starting to live my life.

I am at a crossroads right now – standing on a precipice overlooking uncharted territory. I have so many big decisions on the horizon. It’s all a brand new adventure. And I love adventures.

“In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die.
Where you invest your love, you invest your life.”
Mumford and Sons

I love those lines. I know where I’m choosing to invest my love. And that is all the motivation that I need………

Happy Sunday Sparkplugs! Keeping moving forward…
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I love the pic of your jeans wow I would post that picture in every room as a constant reminder!! I also love your close up pic. I hope you realize how beautiful you are. I see someone who is happy and healthy. I applaud your determination and how far you've come. You are an inspiration to me :)
    2069 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/24/2012 8:22:59 PM
    This is such a great post! And your success is inspirational. I am really impressed! The collarbones showing is one of my goals too... in my profile picture taken 2007 they were showing, and I remembered and used that pic for that very reason. I'm on my way there now, a bit more to go!
    2076 days ago
    WOW! Congrats on your success.
    2078 days ago
    What an awesome blog! I don't think that you realize the changes until you do a before and an after picture! Keep on Sparking! You look fabulous!

    2080 days ago
    Holy cow - you look FANTASTIC!! Great job! Recalibrating sounds like it's a good plan, you are SO close!
    2082 days ago
    You look sooo great!!! What an inspiration! Keep up the hardwork! You will definitey reach your goal! I'm sure of it! And great blog, as well!
    2083 days ago
  • SMPO79
    OMG, WOW! You look absolutely amazing! You ROCK!
    2083 days ago
    Wow, you look great! Such a difference!
    2083 days ago
    WOWEE!!! I just cannot get over how well you're doing!!! Absolutely fantabulous!!!! emoticon

    I loved your blog, and I hope you get a Popular Blog award for it. emoticon EVERYONE needs to read this! It is very motivating!! emoticon
    2084 days ago
    What a difference in how you look. You look wonderful.
    2084 days ago
    You have come such a long way - you look GREAT!! Congrats on your progress & best wishes on your recalibrating - you can totally do this!! :)
    2084 days ago
    Great job and what an eye opener the pants ladder was! You look amazing and are a great inspiration :o)

    2084 days ago
    You look amazing! I can't wait toget to look back at my before picture like you are now!

    This is a great post and very inspiring. You have a wonderful outlook on your journey and your healthy; hold on to that. And I also would suggest starting to tell yourself daily how beautiful you are, because if you feel that you still look the same you need to start changing that thinking ASAP! (because again you look fantastic).

    "Going back is not an option" is a great motto for all of us too.
    2084 days ago
    Wow!! You look amazing!! emoticon
    2084 days ago
    Girl, you're doing a phenomenal job! Be proud of all that you've accomplished, and humble enough to keep going!

    Congratulations on all of your hard work, as well as your enduring determination!
    2084 days ago
    You look amazing! You have accomplished a ton and honey, you have waay more than collar bones now! You've got bones I didn't even know about! You may found that 35 pounds is too much to lose, but it is all up to you and one day you will wake up and just absolutely loove what you see and THAT is when you have reached your goal.
    2084 days ago
  • SJOHNS30
    You look great!
    2084 days ago
    You look great! You are doing wonderfully!
    2084 days ago
    Congratulations on all of your progress! You've worked so hard!!! Thank you for sharing your photos. They are very inspirational! Keep moving forward, my friend. Keep moving forward!

    2084 days ago
    Congrats on your accomplishments. You look great!!!
    2084 days ago
  • SWAN47
    emoticon have accomplished so much! Not only have you lost weight but have learned so much about yourself during this journey. I was quite touched as I read your blog. I wish you great success in the rest of your journey and want to thank you for sharing. People like you sharing help to motivate others in their journey. emoticon ...and the opportunities it offers for us to grow. Have a fantastic journey... emoticon

    2084 days ago
    What an inspiration! I can't wait until I'm at the point you are! (I just started my weight loss journey). I love how you are putting the past behind you, including those who've hurt you, and forgiving others and yourself. GO YOU! I love the pants picture. It really shows just how far you've come! Keep it up!
    2084 days ago
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