"THIS is a chicken farm..." "and we're the chickens."

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

I think we need a bit of background first. This is not a chicken farm, I am not Mrs. Tweedy, but we do have chickens who are trying to make a run for it. And I have more critters trying to join the plot to kill me.

Meet Agatha and Esmerelda.

I gave them names because we have a deal. Anything with a name Joe cannot shoot. So our resident doe is named Petunia. And the hummingbirds are the Nelsons.

But I digress.

Joe decided he'd like to give it a go again at raising chickens. (He did this before and had 3 chickens and way too many eggs for one person so he gave them to a lady to add to her brood.)

I said ok even though I have this weird bird phobia. I'm not exactly afraid of birds, but they do kind of creep me out. I think it is because I've never seen one actually blink. So they have this perpetually surprised look on their faces. And that little red thing under their beaks is kind of icky. And they keep pecking at me. I'm in the cage trying to feed them and they are pecking at me, with that unblinking stare.

Did I ever mention that I'm kind of a city girl? The Ava Gabor half of our personal Green Acres sitcom?

Nevertheless, I set out to build the girls their little home. I wanted them to be free-range-ish. With the hawks we have around here, some penning is necessary but I did want them to be able to walk around a large enough pen if they 'needed their own space' to contemplate the world or have deep chicken thoughts.

I also wanted them to have their own cute little condo - and not spend a fortune on one. I mean seriously - $800 for a chicken coop? I'm in the wrong business. So I built them Casa de Cluck for about $35.

And then put in a 20x20 pen around it. This is how one of the conversations went:

Me: Joe - I think we need to put a cover on the pen.
Joe: No - they'll be fine.
Me: Joe - we need to keep the cats and hawks out.
Joe: No - they'll be fine. I never had a cover on mine.
Me: Joe - you need to watch Chicken Run.

We got the girls from a friend on Saturday and they got named on Saturday night. We got home around 10 and put two very unhappy ladies in the pen. And then immediately began chasing two very unhappy girls around in the dark who did not want to be in the pen. (I failed to log chicken chasing on my fitness tracker because - how would one calculate that??)

Me: Joe - I think we need to put a cover on the pen.
Joe: That's a good idea. We can throw a tarp over it.
Me: For tonight right? I don't want a Clampitts chicken coop out here.

So we tarped it, and put Aggie and Ezzie to bed around 11 pm.

Sunday morning came and we were at it again. Chasing chickens. Oh - but now we got to add chasing chickens, corralling curious cats, and calming the dog who turns out is not only NOT a chicken killer, but is actually shares my fear of birds. "VAT are zoze flappy zings????" That's my boy!

Kiki, the teenager, decided to stalk Agatha. Agatha is like an East German swimmer. She's HUGE and loud and was having none of it. Kiki stalked her right until Aggie gave her a deep chicken thought.

Kiki: Here I am - the world's greatest hunter. Mice and lizards fear me. I'm off for my greatest trophy yet....just ... need ... to ... circle ... back ... lay... low... no ... .lower ...

Agatha: BWAAAAAACKKKKK the HELL do you think you are doing???? (charges the cat)

Kiki: eeeeeeeeekkkkkkk! RUN AWAY!!!!!!!

Agatha: Well, I should say so. Sneaking up on the new comers. There's a fine how do you do. I never. Ezzie - where the hell are you? Do I have to do everything myself?

Esmerelda: Sorry - sorry - was having a bit of lunch over here...

Esmerelda is the much smaller and more delicate of the two. She's also A LOT quiter. While Aggie squacks constantly, Ezzie kind of coos. She was attacked by a raccoon at her former place but was nursed back and we were told 'never leaves the coop.' Uh - right.

This morning I got up to go feed the chickens and look for eggs (2!) and what did I stumble upon? There was Harold and Kiki sitting next to the pen. They were all having quite the conversation until I got close enough and then everyone got real quiet.

Harold seemed kind of disinterested in whole thing but I'm sure he was telling everyone "BE COOL - Just... be... cool!!!"

I think there was also some kind of hand signals going on ....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Awesome!!!!!!! Oh my gosh! Bugs and I will be joining in the ownership, well HE will, of a chicken. We will be doing the 4H thing soon:)
    2090 days ago
    i love your story and glad you are having fun and exercising with the chickens
    2090 days ago
    I love your stories. My guess would be that all of them will be in the pen by the end of the week! Can't wait for the next update on this!!

    And I think chicken chasing should be in the fitness calculator!
    2090 days ago
    I hope these posts are all going to be in the book you're going to write some day! LOL! I've been around chickens for years but I really like them, in spite of the fact that they are, shall we say, intellectually challenged. If you're ever bored, find a cricket or grasshopper or grub and watch them fight over it. It looks like a minuature football game as they steal it from one another!
    2091 days ago
    I don't know what to make of this blog entry except that it totally made my day. Growing up my mom loved acquiring new farm animals and the chickens were just the bane of my existence. I also am unnerved by the wide eyed, unblinking stare. Plus there's that time they were chasing me and I sought refuge under a bench and they pinned me in for like half an hour. Best of luck with your birds!
    2091 days ago
    i ABSOLUTLY LOVE your animal posts!!!!!!! And i love how they all have personalities to go with thier names. Ezzie and Aggie will fit right in as soon as Kiki quits trying to eat them. and as for the plot... you might be onto something
    2091 days ago
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