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the gift of being bored

Monday, September 03, 2012

I chose to stay home this holiday weekend and work on things at the house. I've been walking around angrily for months, and haven't dedicated any time to fix the things that are bothering me. (These are notably small things that all seem to add up, "First World Problems" I like to call them.)

I spent the weekend cleaning out old paperwork, adding to my donation pile for the Salvation Army, sweeping under furniture that is often neglected, and reading up on some things I never pay enough attention to (a diet book, some PhotoShop training, etc.) My husband went off on his own down to the beach house with his parents and our dog. That left me and the cat. I wasn't alone the entire weekend because they came home early so he could go out rock climbing today with some buddies, which meant we had a few hours together Sunday, but I've spent the Monday holiday off all alone again.

I'm really glad I paid attention to how I was feeling and spent my energy cleaning and organizing instead of going to lay on the beach and drink sangria... I feel like a break alone is necessary sometimes. I'm proud of how much "junk" I cleared out, and it was pretty emotional deciding to "let go" of some things.

On the other hand, I'm also resentful I had to spend the time doing this. It occurs to me this is the feeling I get when I "have to go workout" as well. I tend to feel bad for myself that I have to go and do these things, but then I end up with a sense of pride and confidence about it.

Anyway, I was thinking to myself that today I just ran out of the willpower to keep doing all these nagging chores (since I spent Friday night, and all day Saturday doing this stuff). The house is spotless, and I did a LOT of work. I did enough to relax and just sit around for a bit and reflect. Suddenly, when I sit down alone in the house now, I have a feeling I haven't had in probably about three years.


I could not believe it. I wasn't sitting and thinking about the things that were bothering me about my surroundings and I was literally so bored that I went for about three really long walks (my gym was closed for Labor Day).

I guess I'm realizing that when you take care of what you should be doing (all those "I should work out", "I should eat healthy") you will have so much energy left over, because you aren't sitting around underneath guilt and frustration.

So, I'm fine with it! I officially give myself permission to be bored today. God knows we are going to start to have kids soon and then I'll look back on this entry and laugh my head off. I just know it!!
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    It's amazing how things will come to us as we work through other issues. Good luck on your journey!!!
    2452 days ago
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