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I'm Still Here

Saturday, September 01, 2012

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.
***I love this song, I'm Still Here, by Johnny Rzeznik*** It moves me... speaks to me, speaks for me in some ways***

Sometimes I feel so sorry for myself... I'm so fat, I can't control my eating, I hate to exercise, I need more money, my house is a mess, and real friendships are non-existent... and then I learn about someone who helps me put things into proper perspective...

Have you met Shiloh Pepin? An amazing little girl wise beyond her years, with a zest for life and a self-confidence like no other. Happy, accepting of who she is... with no desire for anyone to change her... "It's the way I was made when I was born." She told Oprah. And she remained true to her beautiful and precious little self until the day she died.

So... with this new outlook.. no more pity party. If there is something I want to change, then change it. If there's something I need to fix, then fix it... but above all, love life, live life, full of spirit!

Today's blog was going to be just that... a pity party. Day 1 of yet again another diet that I'm half-heartedly committing to... whining about lack of time and money to get things done... and varius ways I aim to change. I posted that before... Not this time, not now.

Well... I'm still here, I am a child of God, I am healthy, I am loved, I am in control of my own life and my own choices.. there is no place for personal pity... What right do I have to think things are so bad with me/for me? I do not like who I have become lately... full of excuses, lacking control, not caring most of the time, really, often feeling down and depressed...

Well, I don't want to be that way any more. And I won't.

"...who you are inside is what makes you a star." ~Shiloh
"You'll never know if you never try." ~Shiloh

"I believe she's here to just pay testimony that the human spirit is incredible and you can achieve your dreams as long as you have the will and the drive and the spirit," Elmer Pepin said of his daughter. "And she definitely has that, no doubt about it."

Shiloh Jade Pepin 1999-2009
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    there is an angel with you and she is helping you live a life you can deal with
    a little at a time
    2087 days ago
    I like this blog, there are real feelings here, feelings that all of us deal with. I like quiet time, but if I have too much quiet time, negative thoughts start creeping in. That's when I start playing christian music. There is so much great, uplifting, happy music out there and it reminds me of how much I am loved and that I am here for a purpose. I might not ever really know what that purpose is but I do know that I am here for a reason. I've been down in a dark deep hole of sorrow before, and when I feel any of that creeping in, I have to do something to change directions, I won't let myself go there again. It's hard climbing out of the hole, but it is worth it, you will get there. There are many happy days ahead - keep reaching for them!
    2089 days ago
  • LIBRA73
    Great blog girl!

    I love that you let it all out!

    Only one thing to fix in this blog.....real friendships do exist! AHEM! Lol!

    I know what you mean!

    Big hugs girl! Let's kill some calories the only way us horror fans know how to......brutally!
    2089 days ago
    Very nice.Everyday you have an opportunity to be better. To decided which mndset you choose to live your life from on that day. Make a conscious effort to be positive ,know you wil have to use focus and determinaton to achieve your goal.Don't beat yourself up anymore. Today is a new day with a new commitment. Lift your spirits and know you can do this. emoticon
    2089 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/2/2012 1:16:53 AM
    Wow, I don't know this glorious young person but I would say she is very inspirational. I'm happy she is someone who has shown you the value of life and daily living.

    I think you are a wonderful person and deserve to be happy and healthy. I'm always here for you.

    2089 days ago
    Shiloh was definitely an inspiration. It sounds like you have learned some lessons from the way she lived her life.

    Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. Feelings are just that - an emotional reaction to something. What is important is how you react and handle those feelings.

    In this blog you vented - expressed your feelings. That's human and natural. Then you responded,
    "Well, I don't want to be that way any more. And I won't." You made a resolution and a commitment to yourself. emoticon
    2089 days ago
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