Last Friday, was a revelation of sorts, one of just a feeling of being in Total Control of my journey.
Today, another revelation. We have a family function tomorrow. My son's 25th b-day and he is having a BBQ at his farm. He has a 100 acre place with a bluff view over the Missouri River. Just gorgeous. And he is building a new home out there. I am very proud of him. Anyways, it will be a working BBQ also, to help him get a few things done on the new house, and his Father is very handy with things like that, and helping him do a great deal of the work. Therein lies my dilemma. Most all family functions with my oldest 3 children, usually means family functions with the X and X-In-Laws. The out laws
I shouldnt say that, they are all good people. But just the idea of a family function use to send me into a tizzy. What to wear, what will everyone think of my weight gain, just so uncomfortable, would rather have root canal .. blah blah blah.
However now it seems different. I am not afraid to go, I am not afraid of not having anything to wear. Before, I just had a few go-to items. Now, I have many more options. So....as I am hanging up my clothes and thinking of potential contenders, I had my Friday Revelation. I realized that Every Single Thing that I wear, looks better than the LAST time I wore it. And I further realized that every single person I see, I will look better than the last time they saw me. I realized that I just get better and better every. single. day.
And not that I feel like I need to impress anyone, I mean it has been almost 20 years and it's all water under the bridge, however I just don't like that feeling of thinking that I am not good enough. I mean there were times in the last few years that I even felt I was not good enough to be the mother of my children. They are all beautiful and gorgeous, inside and out. And I just felt so unworthy.
Okay, so I am past all that. Don't want to go down that road in this blog, but I will some day. But for today, I realized that I am already weighing less than when I started to became anti-social and make excuses not to go here and there. So from here on out, I will just get better looking every time I see someone. So while I really don't care what anyone thinks anymore, part of me does want to say, even if only a silent thought, Eat your heart out Mr. X.