Why do I care so much about the 50lbs loss I originally had a short term goal of? I mean, once I got to it, I started slacking off and lost sight of what I was doing. It's not like I had JUST 50lbs to lose, so why did I mentally feel like I was done? hmph!
I believe I made it to like 53-54lbs total I have lost with SP.
I slacked for the summer break, I let choices and stress control my food intake, and my fiance even continued bringing unhealthy food near me. Why did I feel I could slack on SP? I am not sure. I can tell you this, getting down to a skinny weight with diet and exercise is very unfamiliar territory. I just am still in disbelief I had even lost 50lbs to begin with on here, and am so happy to have all of you here to see everyday.
I have only lost weight 1x in my life from a LOOONG TIME AGO drug addiction where I was in a co-dependant relationship, and I am not relating any weight loss from that as something to be proud of... SO IT DOES NOT COUNT. My soul tells me hard work and sweat, and healthy foods cannot be substituted!!!
I could have died back then, so there is no boasting on the one time I was skinny. I went from being obese kid, to an obese teen, then a skinny gremlin I wish to not remember, then right back to Obese: the heaviest weight I have ever been. 333lbs.
I also had 2 kids after i got clean, so that helped me gain weight. I choose not to regret my past, as I have said in other blogs "I have learned so much in life because of it" and that I have the tools to help anyone!
So, I must go on and continue, proving myself that I have the strength to love myself patiently and that hard work will pay off. Watching everyones journey here daily helps me a lot. I love browsing blogs, or food eaten, just to get ideas on what I can eat or if I am on the right track.
Today I weighed myself, and with deducting the weight I put on during the summer, before I corrected my slackiness, today I weigh 287lbs. That is atleast 46lbs from my starting weight, so its not far from my 50lbs loss I griped about, but I had to get over going backwards in order to be honest and move forward.
I am thankful the days my fiance watches the 3 year old so I can exercise, I am thankful my 6 year old is in a safe, clean school where I dont have to worry so I can use my time wisely at home awaiting her. I am thankful the school is only a few blocks away so that I take advantage of pulling them in the wagon to and from school. I am thankful I live in a more better neighborhood that I can go for walks day or night without serious fear. I am thankful to have found Sparkpeople, because without the education, friends and members I have came across and have received support and advice, I wouldn't have as many tools as I do now.
So what I want to make clear is that I am chalking my actions that I went a little backwards and gained some weight before I got back on track fully like I have been now for 1-2 weeks, and that I AM going to pass up my 50lb loss again and get to 60, 70 80,90, 100+lbs lossand maintain at a healthy weight when I get to a healthy area. I can now set a long term goal to reach by this time next year i hope to look a whole heck of a lot different, and help others who were as depressed as I was before I found Sparkpeople. My past blogs will explain just how bad that was, but i will tell you I wanted to curl up and die. I wanted to hide in my fat and never been looked at. My attitude was horrible, and I was turning into a hermit crab... I prayed and changed from that and with diligence i started losing a few lbs and have kept going. So I proved myself wrong, because I have never imagined It was possible to lose weight.
Thank You all.
This blog was mainly to show myself I am able to continue on my journey and having nice refreshers of where I came from has helped me appreciate more of who I am now.
Here is my worst fat picture ever:
and this one was taken august 18th:
I still feel good if I compare it to what I used to feel like. so lets keep going on this journey, and feel better after our hard work.
Thanks for reading. I am very happy with my Sparkpeople.