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The blog which has no name; (supporting my journey)

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Why do I care so much about the 50lbs loss I originally had a short term goal of? I mean, once I got to it, I started slacking off and lost sight of what I was doing. It's not like I had JUST 50lbs to lose, so why did I mentally feel like I was done? hmph!

I believe I made it to like 53-54lbs total I have lost with SP.

I slacked for the summer break, I let choices and stress control my food intake, and my fiance even continued bringing unhealthy food near me. Why did I feel I could slack on SP? I am not sure. I can tell you this, getting down to a skinny weight with diet and exercise is very unfamiliar territory. I just am still in disbelief I had even lost 50lbs to begin with on here, and am so happy to have all of you here to see everyday.

I have only lost weight 1x in my life from a LOOONG TIME AGO drug addiction where I was in a co-dependant relationship, and I am not relating any weight loss from that as something to be proud of... SO IT DOES NOT COUNT. My soul tells me hard work and sweat, and healthy foods cannot be substituted!!!

I could have died back then, so there is no boasting on the one time I was skinny. I went from being obese kid, to an obese teen, then a skinny gremlin I wish to not remember, then right back to Obese: the heaviest weight I have ever been. 333lbs.

I also had 2 kids after i got clean, so that helped me gain weight. I choose not to regret my past, as I have said in other blogs "I have learned so much in life because of it" and that I have the tools to help anyone!

So, I must go on and continue, proving myself that I have the strength to love myself patiently and that hard work will pay off. Watching everyones journey here daily helps me a lot. I love browsing blogs, or food eaten, just to get ideas on what I can eat or if I am on the right track.

Today I weighed myself, and with deducting the weight I put on during the summer, before I corrected my slackiness, today I weigh 287lbs. That is atleast 46lbs from my starting weight, so its not far from my 50lbs loss I griped about, but I had to get over going backwards in order to be honest and move forward.

I am thankful the days my fiance watches the 3 year old so I can exercise, I am thankful my 6 year old is in a safe, clean school where I dont have to worry so I can use my time wisely at home awaiting her. I am thankful the school is only a few blocks away so that I take advantage of pulling them in the wagon to and from school. I am thankful I live in a more better neighborhood that I can go for walks day or night without serious fear. I am thankful to have found Sparkpeople, because without the education, friends and members I have came across and have received support and advice, I wouldn't have as many tools as I do now.

So what I want to make clear is that I am chalking my actions that I went a little backwards and gained some weight before I got back on track fully like I have been now for 1-2 weeks, and that I AM going to pass up my 50lb loss again and get to 60, 70 80,90, 100+lbs lossand maintain at a healthy weight when I get to a healthy area. I can now set a long term goal to reach by this time next year i hope to look a whole heck of a lot different, and help others who were as depressed as I was before I found Sparkpeople. My past blogs will explain just how bad that was, but i will tell you I wanted to curl up and die. I wanted to hide in my fat and never been looked at. My attitude was horrible, and I was turning into a hermit crab... I prayed and changed from that and with diligence i started losing a few lbs and have kept going. So I proved myself wrong, because I have never imagined It was possible to lose weight.

Thank You all.

This blog was mainly to show myself I am able to continue on my journey and having nice refreshers of where I came from has helped me appreciate more of who I am now.

Here is my worst fat picture ever:

and this one was taken august 18th:

I still feel good if I compare it to what I used to feel like. so lets keep going on this journey, and feel better after our hard work.

Thanks for reading. I am very happy with my Sparkpeople.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MIRV22
    What a great blog and what an amazing job you are doing. Very motivational. You look beautiful! What a great, appreciative attitude you have. I will take you far.

    2386 days ago
    I have even slacked this summer. I have used excuses, even though I know I shouldn't- the kids are home, it's too hot, I have to get rid of the bed bugs and don't want to spread them... Well, the kids will be back in school, the bugs are gone and the heat is starting to cool off (except today where it's supposed to get near 100).

    Perhaps you need to make some smaller goals. Every 10 pounds can be a goal! Fitting into that next size down is a small goal.

    You got to 50 pounds down, you can keep going! You know what happened ant what you can do to prevent it from keeping on happening. Keep blogging and you'll keep yourself accountable!

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    2392 days ago
    As a 3rd year veteran of Sparks who lost 42 # then drifted and gained back 15 the first year. I came back and lost 73 # and still it didn't sink in I needed to stick to it and so to no surprise I gained back 30+#. I'm back again and this time its for keeps. We both know it works we just have to make ourselves and our health a priority. Losing weight is not easy but then life itself isn't always a piece of cake either but we learn as we go, get stronger and wiser and hopefully one day we see all the rainbows we dreamed about. Take care. We can do this again and this time achieve our goals. emoticon
    2392 days ago
  • DOTTY7267
    Congratulations on your 50 pound loss, and maintaining the 40+ pounds throughout the summer break. I know with your renewed spirit and commitment you will do great things!
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    2392 days ago
    With weight loss, it can either be one step forward, two steps backwards. Keep going, you will be successful on this journey. We are all here to support you. Keep reaching out for support!

    You should be proud of all that you have accomplished. 50 lbs lost is an awesome feat to make!

    A couple of things that I have learned...
    1. Make short term goals
    2. Journal every day
    3. Don't be afraid to reach out for support
    4. Have a long term goal in mind
    5. Exercise! Do a variety of exercises.

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    2392 days ago
    It is beautiful that you can feel good even if you had a momentary step back. Just keep your head up and move forward. There is only a better healthier you waiting you be seen. You are a beautiful woman. Keep up the good work
    2392 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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