I think my cats are plotting against me ....

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The alarm went off this morning and I didn't hear it. At all. My husband rolled over and turned it off for what we call 'snuggle time.' When he turned back, mere seconds later, he was greeted by a wall of animals between us, all staring at him.

We have 4 critters who live with us. Or have allowed us to live here with them.

Dudley is the dog. He is half basset and half corgi. I call him a corsett. He has eyes reminiscent of Barbara Bush and a little French mustache. I am sure he sounds like Inspector Clousseau. He lives his conscious life very concerned about our welfare. That is generally a very stressful 54 minutes a day. The remaining time he spends making sure that each sofa, bed, and chair in the house has been slept on the appropriate amount a time per day.

Harold is the senior kitty. He weighs 17 pounds and when stretched out, he is 42 inches long. Harold is a big boy. He has unfortunately developed a dairy habit. I blame Joe for this. (No seriously, Joe is his pusher.) He NEEDS butter and milk and sour cream or he has withdrawals. I'm afraid he may shank me if we don't feed this habit.

Bugg is our older girl kitty. She was left with me when I volunteered to babysit her while her former family was moving. They moved on and didn't come back for her. She is odd. Her back legs are like a rabbit's. The knees bend in and touch. She is pretty much disdainful and unimpressed with everything - especially her humans. She allows me in the bed, but snuggles up to Joe, who is a human radiator. She is not above pushing me out with her rabbit feet if I linger too long after that alarm goes off.

Then there is Kiki. She is the devil incarnate. She is a juvenile catlinquent. A TEENAGER - say no more. She was Joe's mom's kitten and we (or more like I) inherited her when his mom passed away. And just like that - I became a woman with too many cats.

Now that we have the cast of characters, why do I think the cats are plotting against me?? Well for starters, they have been extremely quiet the past few days. I think they are lulling me into a false sense of security. I mean nothing has been broken, cat tiffs have been minimal, and at least one has been with me everywhere I go. And I mean everywhere. Granted, I haven't peed without an audience in about 12 years, but no cat fights?? That is just plain weird.

They have been rotating their monitoring duties. First it will be Dudley who follows me all over (within his 54 waking moments) and while I'm working at my computer, he is sleeping ON my feet.

Then Harold will come in, announce himself LOUDLY, and Dudley will get up and leave (he might be trying to avoid getting shanked so "mama - mon ami- bon chance.") Harold will continue to talk to me until I pick him up and let him ride on my shoulder. Then Bugg will sneak by - making sure the coast is clear - and wham! Kiki runs between my feet and down I go. It is like a well choreographed ballet and I'm the dancing hippo.

And I know they all go into the other room, high-pawing each other and laughing their butts off.

Bugg - "Whoa Kiki - that was a good one!"
Kiki - " I know! Did you see her land on her butt??? ha!"
Harold -"Guys - she almost landed ON ME - I need more room to jump off."
Dudley - "I mizzed eet. I vas azleep."

This happens daily. (You'd think I'd learn but seriously - they are clever.)

The question is why are they plotting to take me out? I think they want Joe for themselves. Joe has the butter. Joe is the human radiator. (I don't think Kiki has a reason - she's a teenager.) Even Dudley isn't completely without a reason - he gets to ride in the front seat of the truck - but I think he is falling victim to peer pressure.
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