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a lot of blah, blah, blah

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Thought I needed to write and hope this makes me feel better.

Shortly after mom's passing my husband tells me I have to move. This recession has hit us. Rex has been in and out of jobs for 4 years now. We were able to keep afloat hanging on our life jackets. Well with my surgery, shingles and looking after my mom, I lost about 3 months of work. Since I work for myself there was no employment insurance and no income. Ouch.

So he had this great Idea that we sell our house and move. Didn't like it but understood. So he tossed it back and forth and could not make a decision. As I run a small daycare it was important to me to have an ending date. The parents of my charges need to get a replacement child care giver. (Apparently I am hard to replace)

So stupid me told him it is now or never. I could not live with my roller coaster of emotions each time he brought it up. So our house went up for sale and it sold in less then 2 weeks. Now we had to find a place to live in 7 weeks. We went looking in several towns. Looked at many houses and not one of them I could call home.

So Erica, my daughter said why not Niagara Falls Ontario. She is going to graduate school there this year. We thought we would never be able to afford it. Who wants to live in a tourist town? Not me for one. So we looked around a little, then some more. I think we spent a total of 12 days going back and forth, looking for a home. In those 12 days we never came across tourist traffic in July and August. So the long and short of it is we are moving tomorrow to Niagara Falls Ontario.

Sounds like an easy transition. The truth is I don't want to go. There are many reasons. One being my father. We will be 3.5 hours away from him if DH drives. For me to get there it will take close to 6 hours. Number two reason is I don't do highway driving. I will have to take the back roads. My father is not a well man. He always said it took the tree of them to make one healthy person. (Mom, dad & Uncle Bill) Now mom is gone it is only the 2 of them. Dad is the brains, Uncle bill the mussels and mom the cook and the nagger that got things done.

Third reason would be my daycare. I love my kids. My daycare has become my Identity. It is where I am at my best. . Going to the schools picking up and dropping off my daycare kids for 16 years has made me a big part of my community. A sense of belonging and being needed.

I don't want to talk about my weight. I have not got on the scales. but I am sure I must be up to 250 lbs. I was in onederland a year ago. My stress level high, my motivation very low.

So right now I suppose to packing up my computer desk. The last thing to be packed up. I don't even know what brought me to my spark page. I guess I had to write what I was feeling. Is funny that when I am at my worst and my best I always come to my spark page. I feel it comforting. Wish I came daily when all this stuff was going on. Maybe I would have been able to face these life changes with a better frame of mind.

So here goes yet another phase of my life. A new adventure! I know I should be feeling like I should be putting on bright color tights and a supper hero cape to fly bravely to the unknown. to go where no man has gone before. Except the 14 million visitors Niagara falls gets each year.

So as I am typing this I am counting my blessings. I have many. I guess I should be saying Look out Niagara Jo is coming to town.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Such mixed feelings this must bring for you! Close to your wonderful daughter, farther from your dad. Are you thinking of taking on more day care kiddos? Please know we are all thinking of you.
    2111 days ago
    Jo, it is good to hear from you. I am sorry you are going through such upheaval right now. But I agree with Missy. I think in the long run this will be good for you. And as you make the transition, you have your SparkFriends to lean on.
    2120 days ago
  • SUSAN134
    ((((Jo)))))...I've missed you girl! You have certainly had your share of upheaval in the past year and I'm sincerely hoping that once this move is over and you are settled
    that some serenity will come your way. It will be tough being so far from your Dad, but if you can plan to visit him as often as possible it will help those unsettled feelings you have.

    Sending you mega positive vibes for a smooth move and a happy new location....please let us know how it goes and know that we are all here 'mentally' helping with your move!

    2123 days ago
    Darn, girl! You are hard to keep track of! Congratulations on your move! I am so excited for you! A new start and near your daughter.....what more could you ask for?!
    Woo Hoo! As new starts go...they are rough and bumpy but exciting and challenging.
    Are you ready for the challenge? I KNOW you are!
    Patti emoticon
    2124 days ago
    it's very hard to do such a change especially after an age(and I'm thinking at me , not at you :D ) . it probably has a meaning and you'll probably find out why did this happen later . one way or the other it's already done. I'm sure you'll have no trouble to find new bonds there and don't worry , all those tourists won't visit your house emoticon unless you don't invite them emoticon 6 hours is not much , maybe you'll learn how to drive on the highway and I'm sure the 2 of them will manage . you could have lived at 3 days distance or on another continent . don't forget meanwhile that you still are the most important person in your life and try to take care of you too , even if just a little emoticon
    2124 days ago
    *hugs* I know this is not easy for you. Know that you have friends standing with you. I suspect the day will come when you will be very thankful for this move. In the meantime, I hope the transition goes easy as possible for you. We are hunkered down, awaiting Isaac's arrival. He's heading right for us, due to hit sometime in the wee hours of tomorrow morning. The fact that today is Katrina's anniversary is just too freaky. Love you much, my friend.

    2124 days ago
    Hi, Jo so nice to hear from you. Read my latest blog Memories. It touches on change. It is the changes in life, good or bad, that cause us stress. All change is not bad. All change is not good. However it does gives us chance to grow. almost 13 years ago now my ex and husband of 19 years went phliandering on the internet and found him a new honey. I was to turn age 50. I was over 400 pounds. I nearly died from stress asthma. Then a leg injury and under a plastic surgeon's care for a year due to the injury and being found to be diabetic.
    I had a year of reflective thinking and self analysis. It was a good year for personal growth. I have shared many of those analyses on this site in blogs.
    I have found that our Lord and Savior does NOT close a door that another does not open. He has provided me many angels in the past year of change since my son has gone. I am up about 12 pounds but stabilizing. I continue to come here daily and to track and read. I come here mostly to share.
    I am sure God has put you where you are for reasons that only He has planned. Be open to the change and face it with a positivity. Your dad needs to learn to stand on his own too. You need to let him grow. He will let you know when he needs you.
    God bless you my friend. Love in Christ, Cyndi emoticon
    2124 days ago
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