Monday, August 27, 2012
I have been going through such an internal struggle lately. I first hurt my shoulder and then i slipped and hurt my left hip really bad. Then just the other day i was sitting on the toilet (i know TMI) and i moved my right leg just a bit and pulled something in the side of my leg to the back of my leg. SERIOUSLY! and let me tell you it's painful and achy. I just don't know what to do anymore with exercise. I don't want to give up but why am i getting hurt so much. When i'm not even exercising. It's crazy. I don't know what to do or which direction to go in. To i stay a couch potato, do i just try 5 mins a day when i was going 20 mins. My legs already have issues from the blood clot years ago the get worn out easy. Is that why i'm getting hurt?
i'm so tired of the weight, i'm tired of hiding behind it. I've spent many years using it as comfort so i didn't have to be me and being what everyone else wanted me to be. Guess what if you don't accept me for me and my beliefs, then don't expect me to accept you for yours. i'm not saying you have to believe in my beliefs, just accept them and not try and change me. Fear tactics and guilt trips are over too. I don't need anything to hide behind. Maybe in a way my body is just telling me to slow down as i show the world who i am. maybe it's playing catch up too. who knows.
Another thing the beginning of the year i started taking chlorella (it's a supplement, like a green algae) it was high in iodine and i think it threw my thyroid for a loop, that's when i started having issues with my thyroid again. After several years of staying steady. I had to back off my meds some and then i gained more weight and the thyroid went hypo for me. I was also having heart flutters. Doctors checked it all out and the ticker is fine. So i'm now back at the dose i was at, but it will take a bit for my thyroid to come back up to where it needs to be. luckily i haven't had any panic attacks lately. But I sure have been feeling depressed and stressed with my weight/fitness progress and finding the motivation cause well i'm just plum tired.
so that's my poor poor pitiful me moment for the day. I needed to get this off my chest. now that it's off hopefully i can stop dwelling on it. well at least till my right leg has healed a little.
now to figure out an all new game plan.