I have really felt over the last couple of weeks that God is intentionally taking me through a time of loneliness. I'll say right now, this is not an attention grab of "come hang out with me, I'm so LONELY!!", this is simply part of my journey right now.
Josh left for school at the beginning of August, I am handling his absence pretty well honestly. I miss him but he's doing great at school and I'm very proud of him. The boys miss him as well, but they get to see him on video calls and that makes everything okay again.
I have been blessed to have 4 friends in my life who are truly my best friends. They are women that I can be honest with no matter how embarrassing, convicting or just plain silly the situation is. They have blessed me so much by being a part of my life, and allowing me to be who I really am. Two of them are local, and two are quite far away but they are all my sisters by love, not blood. I love them dearly.
But right now, they are all busy :) . It's a strange situation for me, I'm used to being able to get together with them either by phone or in person and right now I can't so much. Lindsey's wonderful husband Steven was in a motorcycle accident a couple weeks ago (he's home and healing Praise God!), Jen just had a baby last week, Natasha had surgery on Monday and Nicole is currently prepping for a cross- country PCS with the Navy.
It's funny because it's all happening at the same time and I can't help but wonder if this isn't a God thing. On Sunday, our amazing worship leader was sharing her heart about stepping down and allowing someone else to take over as Worship Pastor. I admire Lisa so much for truly listening to and OBEYING God's voice in her life. She said something that really struck me. "If you aren't growing, you're dying." That really hit me and made me ask myself, am I growing? I used to think that a plateau period was okay, but is it really? I would often say, "I'm so busy, I don't have time to read the Bible, I don't even get to go to the bathroom on my own!" or "I pray, but I don't know if I do it well, it's more little snippets over the course of the day." I do truly believe that people have periods where they don't grow as much in their Christian walk, and I think God is taking me through a period of loneliness so that I will rely on him more than human friends.
So I am lonely but not alone. I am in good hands because they are the hands that created me and formed my life. I am blessed because I can still pick up the phone and call my friends but I'm still on my own.
On September 6, 2012 I am beginning a study with our church's women's ministry called "Becoming More than a Good Bible Study girl" It's a series by Lysa Terkeurst and I'm really excited to be co-leading this study (and the following study "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman) with Cindy. I'm not a natural teacher so I'm praying that God will qualify me because I don't feel it on my own right now. I am however excited to lead a study for women and I'm praying that we have an awesome group join us on Thursday nights. I also pray that God will allow me to forge new friendships and that He will remind me that above all else, I need him more and more.
More than anything. I'm earnestly trying to find time to get into my Bible, even if it's for a short period of time in a day. If I can find time for 10 therapies in a week, I can find time to walk with my Heavenly Father too. I refuse to die, so I must push myself to grow :)
~ Taken from my personal blog at http://www.thewildswithin.blog
I was reminded after I posted the above blog of this amazing song by Matt Redman. Totally fits where I am right now - www.youtube.com/watch?fe