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Not as Angry Today -- Just a Little

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Yesterday I posted that I was angry with my husband for not supporting me in getting my black belt. For those of you who were surprised, here's the whole story.

Getting a black belt is much like getting a college degree. You work hard, starting with the basic courses, for a few years, and when you have mastered the material, you have a degree/black belt. After a bachelor's degree, many people want to continue their learning and enroll in graduate school. In martial arts, a black belt can continue training to become a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th degree black belt all the way to a Master.

The one downside to both college and martial arts is -- tada! -- paying tuition. And there lies the issue in my household.

When I originally enrolled, I paid a large sum of "tuition" money to cover me from white belt to black belt. Now, keep in mind, I could have taken ten years to get to black belt if I had wanted to stretch out the money -- just like taking college courses part-time. But I wanted that belt, and I've spent three years training for it.

Now I need to prepare to pay the next round of tuition, the "grad school" fee, if you will. It's a few thousand dollars, and when DH heard the number, he lost it. I got an earful and then some about how shaky our finances are, how he's not working, and I'm allegedly "spending money left and right."

Granted, DH was correct in questioning the timing of the spending. But I was absolutely seething. Three years of training, and it comes down to "You can't test because I don't have a job"? Screw the logic; it's just not fair! I have been picking up extra hours at work wherever I can just to make ends meet. I've been the one working constantly...and yet I am the one who has to make the sacrifices?

Temper tantrum over, I have arranged a payment plan with our head instructor (who was more than willing to work out anything we needed), and I have given up my lunch time for this school year to pick up some extra money by supervising the students' lunch. (Hey, I can find some other time to eat, right? Yet another sacrifice...)

Yeah, I'm still bitter. I'm still angry about the unfairness involved. But DH is dealing with the unfairness of unresolved chronic pain (13 months now), so I guess we'll both have to deal with it and move on. Persevere...persevere...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yes, it is completely unfair happens while we're busy making other plans. You are very right to be upset about it, and to expect your DH's support. Be angry, get it out of your system...and keep on doing what you're doing, finding ways to make it work. You deserve this, for you...doesn't it always seem to the the woman/mother/wife who is expected to put her dreams and goals on hold for the good of the family? I know that feeling extremely well, as well as the frustration of having to wait as life happens. We all need something to work for, to keep us sane. I hope it works out for you.
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    2124 days ago
    Hugs to you both!!! Remember to work through this and be done with it and don't allow it to fester. Chronic pain is no fun and make you feel helpless and that you are not pulling your weight. What a amazing, incredible accomplishment for you.
    2126 days ago
    I'm sorry about all this. I totally get your position on it. I'm glad they were willing to make up a payment plan for go get your black belt!
    2127 days ago
    Sounds like it is a stressful financial and pain filled time for your hubby and you. I hope he can understand why you got angry, but you can also understand why he blew when he saw that amount. It isn't fair, but life rarely is fair.
    2127 days ago
    I didn't realize the economics of getting a black belt were so involved...and trouble is you can't just go and kick your sensei's ass either!

    Good luck, you'll get to where you want to be....maybe just not in the time you want. Till then, enjoy your time in the dojo!
    2127 days ago
    Oh boy. I completely understand the problem. Are you still going to test with the payment plan? Hugs to you! I know how "fun" (read sarcasm here) money talks are in my house so I can just imagine yours.
    2127 days ago
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