Money and Boredom and Food
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Here is something I don't hear a lot about. I grew up poor and from 8 to 14 we were on this monthly cycle of get money, splurge for a week and then spend the rest of the month on beans and rice. (I am only now recovering from my hatred of beans and my mother still despises them. So it was a week of indulgence and three or four weeks of extreme restriction. Thus began my habit linking of happiness and food and money.
Well, I am a graduate assistant and through various missteps and misunderstandings, I am short of money for the next week. Whenever that happens, I feel anxious and all I can focus on is what I DON'T have. Not to mention, I will only have access to foods that are not good for me, whether it is from a food pantry or the bookstore, the only place I can spend left over book money.
I have to do this thing that is very hard to do. Not think about it. I have to focus on the various chores such as studying, exercising, cleaning et cetera. But it seems something will remind me I am broke and I spiral and don't want to do anything. Cleaning? Oops, out of cleaner, because you are broke and that is because you are miserable excuse for a human being who is still in school after 40. Eating crap? Because you are poor, lack discipline and will never lose this weight. See the chain?
I am glad I got that out because looking back at what I wrote, I see that it is not that bad. I CAN make healthier choices in the bookstore. I may backslide but I don't have to restart at the bottom of a mountain. This would be a great time to pull out my old exercise videos. That would save me gas from going to the gym too. And I need to focus on my studies and that is the best way to change my circumstances. Also, I have beans aplenty!! And I like them. LOL!!! And you know what, when I am tight on funds, I am reminded of what I DON'T need.
I had a little epiphany. I am RICH!! I have so MUCH. Whether it is plenty of food, great exercise resources, people to talk to or invigorating educational opportunities. I am overflowing in riches. Thank you GOD for the reminder.
Thanks for the comments, it keeps me writing/moving forward.