My weight ticker is back to 0 pounds lost.
I think it was triggered by the donuts (yes, donutS) I ate last week. Not that it ruined my day calorie-wise, but it certainly was a trigger. A trigger for self-sabatoge, that is.
I *think* I learned why I self-sabatoge. It's not about the weight loss itself, which is what I thought it was about. No, it's about the energy and great feeling I keep gaining. Crazy, right? Let me try and explain. I have gotten used to being bed-ridden often. I have gotten used to the fatigue, and the exhaustion, the inability to even cook dinner some nights. Hard as this is for me to admit, I even miss the time post-surgery I was in the hospital, in the bed 95% of the day, and after the second surgery, where I was on the couch, in the recliner, or on the futon all day. And ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with no regard to calories, nutrition, or ingredients. I ate like crap, felt like crap, and layed in bed all day. So why did I enjoy that so much?
That's kind of what I did this weekend. I used my headaches as an excuse to lay around all day, watch Breaking Bad on Netflix, and accomplish nothing. No workouts, no nutritional eating, nada.
While I still don't know why I want to go back to my post-op days of laying around and doing nothing but eating and watching TV, at least now I know where my self-sabatoge trigger lies. I don't have a solution yet, either, but I'm hoping now I can keep an eye on things and catch myself when I let myself go again. Perhaps I need to find something to do with all that extra energy? I have no friends, so that's not really an option. Money is tight, and hubby is at work or tired from work 6 days a week, so I can't rely on him either. It's too hot for the dogs to be outside on walks, so that's not an option either. Am I making excuses here again? Sheesh! I'll keep working on it. Maybe I'll look into volunteering? Maybe I could even make friends that way, too. We shall see.
So, two things I now know for sure:
1. My self-sabatoge stems from my being uncomfortable having energy.