Beginning again before I even know it.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
I am afraid to jinx myself by saying this. In the past, discussing success in my weight loss journey seemed to lead to my next binge. Why? I think I was afraid of what came next. After the weight was off, meant dates, and attention and socializing. Things I have denied wanting to do. But regardless of wanting, I need those things. I need that connection.
But I am going to talk about my success now. Because I have never had as much support and resources as I have had now. I am in therapy right now and it is helping. I have started taking St. John's Wort for my depression and it really makes a difference. With the help of the aforementioned therapist, I have begun to see socializing as I do exercise. It is necessary, healthy and can be fun and should be done consistently. And it is true. I feel very relaxed after going out to an event even if I hate it.
I have not been binging and I actually went to exercise when I was stressed instead of grabbing a burger at a fast food joint. That was a triumph. I craved the exercise after bad news instead of ice cream. WOW!
So feel I have the tools to succeed and can say I have lost 16 lbs. I am now at 339 lbs and plan to get down to under 300 for the first phase. My ultimate goal is to take up running and get off the HBP and diabetes medication.
So what happened. The power of food faded for me as I learned and grew. I could feel the lure of contact with other human beings and it was not as strong as food. Food gave me nothing. Food was trickster that cared nothing for me. Food spoke lies to me. So I didn't eat. Yes, I did hit a hard patch where I couldn't buy what I wanted. So that was a start. I focused on other things while beginning therapy and it all added up.
I have to remember that. When I fall, pile on the counseling, the socializing, the medication, the road trips etc. And begin again.