I want to thank you all for your encouragement today...

Sunday, August 12, 2012

I was planning to Delete this blog when
the situation had ended, but I decided
to keep it to remember this day and the words of
wisdom that will help me later. I know this situation
has not ended a new chapter has just opened up ..

The blog was titled:
"Urgent: I want to know if I am wrong. What Should I do?
Please be honest." ( You can read it below)

I needed some advice online because I didn't want to let them hear
me on the phone. I posted how I felt, at the time, on my blog. I thank all who
gave me advice at that time of my crisis and to all those who continue to encourage me. --I rather blog this out then eat it out.. lol--

**Feel free to add your comments on how you would've or should
handle/ handled the situation or your past experiences.
I will continue to update this blog.
I want to keep this conversation going because this will help me.
I know this is not over... ..

I am going to be brief because this could really be a lonnnnnng stoory..but a short summary. I was a good sister and auntie to my nephew. My sister walked out of her nephews and her mom, sister and brother lives. She hasn't spoken to us for almost 10years, She had moved to Florida. We didn't even know where were they.
It's so hurtful how she treated us.

Now my mom brings them into my house no notice at all. I do not have enough energy to go downstairs at this time because I don't want to be phony like my mom is being right now .
I have so many emotions going right now that I feel like i am about to explode..

what should I do stay up here or visit the Big Elephant in the room?
If I go downstairs I feel like I am going to start yelling.

I will delete this blog today..thanks for all who responded to this blog..
it;s okay to be really honest . I will not get upset with any negative comments at this time..thanks..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am reading your comments and you are all right. I had time to think about this and I don't know why I am starting to feel like I have been doing wrong all this time.
    Yesterday, my sons had asked me why I didn't go downstairs and I can tell they were repeating comments that they must have heard while being with all of them.

    I started to explain to them why and I noticed what I was telling them is what I really wanted to say to my aunt and nephew. It's even hard to see my nephew because I know I will get very emotional when I see him, but then I would feel angry because he's grown. He will be 22 years old this year. He could have picked up the phone too, why didn't he try to contact his grandmother, aunt and cousins? We would have if we ONLY had their phone number..

    My sons had stayed the night with them at the hotel and have been gone all day today. My mother has not spoken to me. I have been in my mom's corner all this time and now I am getting the cold shoulder. What? I don't understand this, my sister has had this pattern of being in and out of our lives. She feels that she can come back whenever she feels like and think that everything should be comfortable and accept how she treats us. I am just tired of this little game she likes to play, it is
    ridiculous and I am fed up.
    I guess at this point I am just trying to protect myself from getting hurt again.

    I am asking myself what is her reason for really coming back in town?
    Will she get everyone feeling so excited to see them and then walk out again?
    not communicating another 10 years?
    I have so many thoughts running through my head, but at the same time I would like to see them before they leave.

    I am so confused right now. I am reading all the advice and statements all
    are telling me so far, but every time I want to move a little forward I go back into my shell.
    I just been hurt too many times by her and this time I wasn't prepared mentally for her visit. Maybe if she wants to talk and I am able to express my feelings to her, I
    might start feeling a little different. I am praying about the situation.
    2414 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/13/2012 7:10:54 PM
    mmmm, we carry hurt and it ends up hurting us more than the one we're angry with. I would say be the person that says - wow I've missed you and glad to see you. Eventually a heart to heart conversation may be warranted but I would be happy just knowing they are well and we get a second chance at mending what was broken before it's too late. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do - but it helps you heal first.
    2415 days ago
    OK, I thought a while about this one -- it's complicated (because of all the hurt feelings) but it could be simple (notice I didn't say "easy.") What I try to do is empathize. I try to ask myself what I would be feeling and hoping for if I had been the one to mess up--run off for so long, and then finally got the courage to show up. What response from my family would I hope for? Even people who do wrong have feelings. Try just for a few moments to put your own hurt feelings aside, and be the bigger person. Make the effort to accept her at least on a cordial basis. You may not be ready to have that heart-to-heart talk yet, but are you pleased with your "hiding, avoiding" actions right now? Act in a way that would please you--make you like yourself.
    2415 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/13/2012 2:10:06 AM
    My heart says...
    Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

    But my head also knows it is tough to deal with those who have hurt us and our friends and family.

    So, what did you do? I read this blog seven hours after you posted and wondered what happened.

    2415 days ago
    Ok maybe I am being petty but I would talk to my nerhews and ignore her existence.
    I am probably not very helpful
    2415 days ago
    I, too, hope you found a way to release the anger for your own well being. We have a merciful and compassionate God who would want us to also be merciful and compassionate. Forgiveness is not for others, it is for you . . . and it does not say you approve of the other person's actions. They have to answer to God for their own behavior. Be the bigger person, do what is right. Address the person who hurt you in private about why you feel the way you do and why you choose this time to begin the healing process. May you find strength, comfort, and peace in this trial. Call on your personal faith and strength to do in your heart what you feel is the right thing to do. You can divorce your friends and move on, but I can't help but think God's heart aches that much more when you have conflict within the family.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2415 days ago
    Skeetor and TKRYSTINA {and all those who will respond later}
    it helps me a lot when I hear what others have gone through.
    I have to say that I am a very patient and caring individual and I am forgiving. I get along with everyone. . One thing i am Not and that is Phony.

    They all have left at this time. My sons must have went with them somewhere,
    probably out to eat/ This whole situation is going to make me eat. I am going to
    eat something since everyone is gone. I know they are going to return later.
    I hope they don't come in. I am not ready to deal with how I feel. I don't even want
    to express to them either. My sister is very selfish and she taught her son how to be also. so they wouldn't even care how I feel. Have they all these years?
    She took life for granted.
    .I hope, Tkrystina, Skeetor and others
    that I can so sit down out on my deck with them and
    talk it out. One day it will happen. One day.

    2415 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/12/2012 5:38:25 PM
    People do change ... since it is your house I would definitely go down and see the kids .... nothing says you have to chit chat with her .... good luck in whatever you do ... Roc
    emoticon emoticon
    2415 days ago
    Stay away until you can control your anger. I did this just last weekend with my younger brother & his new wife. She hurt him bad once before & has been married at least 5 other times. The last one was for 1 week. When I got over being so mad that I wanted to hit him I went out around the 2 of them. New sister-in-law & I set out on our deck for a long time talking last Saturday this was more time than I ever spent with the other sister-in-law who was over on Sunday & tried to start trouble with the new sister-in-law who put her in her place.
    2415 days ago
    I am crying right now because I can hear my nephew outside my door talking to his cousins. I hear his deep voice. The last time I remember seeing him
    he didn't even reach puberty. emoticon
    2416 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/12/2012 4:58:47 PM
    I definately wouldn't go downstairs if you don't feel you can deal with it yet without losing control (i.e. yelling). My sister did the same thing but not for 10 yrs. I believe she was gone for about 3 years (leaving me and my parents to care for her son). Again, a long story but she came back and there was some healing that had to be done but I think it's important that you remember that perhaps she's trying to fix her life. And, no matter what, she is still your nephew's mother (and your sister and your mother's daughter).
    It's really hard to forgive but usually the best option.
    Anyhow that's my advice and I do not have any medical degrees or social degrees...just my opinion.
    Best of Luck with whatever you decide.
    2416 days ago
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