MACKANDME

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Jim is gone

Monday, August 06, 2012

Well, Jim is 20.5 years old and has moved to SLC, UT. We were in Texas the past 2 years for his continued education, but he graduated a couple of months ago and were waiting for our lease to end to move back to Utah. Me to St George (Southern) and him to Salt Lake City (Northern). I thought I was ready for the split but realized very quickly I am not. He left Saturday morning and I have been crying ever since. I stay in bed as long as possible. I hate when I wake up and the reality of his absence hits me square in the face like a ton of bricks. And even when I am not crying, there is such a sadness in my entire being that cannot be ignored. Some say it is not big deal because he is only 5 hours away. I think if he were at least in the same town I would be handling it better because I could just hop in the car and see him. I raised him alone for this 20.5 years and he has been the meaning and purpose behind everything I did. But that meaning and purpose is gone now. And I just feel empty. He called me last night (because I asked him to). And he said he would call me tonight (because I asked him to). But it is not fair for me to burden him with my sadness.
People say to take up a hobby or read or exercise. Do they not understand that there is no desire to DO ANYTHING except to curl up in a little ball and go to sleep forever?
I wish I could afford counseling.

Gotta go now.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FT4EVR
    I remember when my daughter moved out and I thought....Now what?! What about me?! Even though I wanted her to live her life and enjoy adulthood I felt lost. I even had to learn how to shop without her. I had her with me since the age of 18 so I hadn't done much without her by my side.
    Sorry no magic words. It takes time. You get up because your life is important too! Your meaning and purpose in life is not gone. It just feels different right now because of change. Thinking of you!

    emoticon emoticon
    3167 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3409143
    That's a shame that he had to leave like that - I am sure in time you will get used to it I still have the youngest at home at age 25 .
    3168 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    OMG, he will probably be back living off of you before you know it. I have five grown children and FOUR of them are living in our house and they are 28, 24, 23 and 21. Plus I now have my DD little baby girl to raise. emoticon Sounds like you need to get on PROZAC, which I took for 14 yrs when I started peri-menopause. You can go through you local mental health and you pay there on a sliding fee scale. My son, Nathan who had Testicular Cancer goes to counseling and pays nothing because he isn't working. The medicine for me just made me feel NORMAL and not like I was down in a hole I couldn't climb up out from.
    3168 days ago
  • 2BFREE2LIVE
    I went through the Empty Nest syndrome, yes you have to keep your self busy and know his does not love you any less and that it is time for him to grow and be his own person.
    Seems that we do not really miss a person until they are not under foot or causing a mess to be cleaned up.
    My Hubby works five hours away and comes home on a bi monthly visit so times can be lonely and I depend on Spark friends to keep me entertained and by doing this I keep my self busy. I work and have a cat to keep me company so I am always talking to him, he is a source of comfort to me.
    Hang in there things will be okay and time will heal this empty feeling.
    Best wishes, Sandy
    3168 days ago
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