Jim is gone
Monday, August 06, 2012
Well, Jim is 20.5 years old and has moved to SLC, UT. We were in Texas the past 2 years for his continued education, but he graduated a couple of months ago and were waiting for our lease to end to move back to Utah. Me to St George (Southern) and him to Salt Lake City (Northern). I thought I was ready for the split but realized very quickly I am not. He left Saturday morning and I have been crying ever since. I stay in bed as long as possible. I hate when I wake up and the reality of his absence hits me square in the face like a ton of bricks. And even when I am not crying, there is such a sadness in my entire being that cannot be ignored. Some say it is not big deal because he is only 5 hours away. I think if he were at least in the same town I would be handling it better because I could just hop in the car and see him. I raised him alone for this 20.5 years and he has been the meaning and purpose behind everything I did. But that meaning and purpose is gone now. And I just feel empty. He called me last night (because I asked him to). And he said he would call me tonight (because I asked him to). But it is not fair for me to burden him with my sadness.
People say to take up a hobby or read or exercise. Do they not understand that there is no desire to DO ANYTHING except to curl up in a little ball and go to sleep forever?
I wish I could afford counseling.
Gotta go now.