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I'm not as upset as I think I should be...

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Complacent - satisfied to a fault and unconcerned.... Yep, that's about right!

I read a blog this morning where the author was talking about backsliding and a friend of hers suggested she take a good look as to WHY. I've been trying to figure this out for weeks. I don't see it as backsliding, simply because I've also been going forward. I've been losing and gaining the same weight for months. When this happened about a year ago, it was truly frustrating. I was angry and upset and was constantly trying to figure out how to "fix it." This time, not so much... COMPLACENT.

It's not a plateau, because if I did what I'm supposed to do, and do it 100%, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be "stuck." The thing is, I'm not doing a whole hell of a lot to get myself unstuck... COMPLACENT

I *think* I should be upset, but I'm really not... COMPLACENT

I saw some relatives that I haven't seen in almost 2 years. They know I've been losing weight, but they had no idea how much. Of course, they were all shocked and amazed. "Surely you don't want to lose more", "Aren't you happy?", "WHY do you think you need to lose more?", "Oh, you want to be super skinny don't you?" And from the nurse "How far are you from a healthy BMI? You want to get there don't you?"

This isn't the first time these things have been asked by other family members, co-workers and acquaintances. They've been said a lot more recently which is why I think I've become... COMPLACENT

YES, I am EXTREMELY happy... with everything! I've never been this small and healthy. My whole life has changed. I'm able to do things I could never do before, my husband beams with pride and I'm pretty sure my kids are super excited about all of these new activities and are proud to say I'm their mom.

NO, I don't want to be "super skinny" and having a healthy BMI isn't even a thought in my head... it never was.

As for WANTING to lose more and THINKING I need to lose more... well, that's where it gets fuzzy. The answer to that is... Yes, I'm pretty sure, I think, probably... not as easy to answer as I think it should be...COMPLACENT

I don't know, maybe I'm just tired of doing this every day. YES, I know this is a lifestyle, but I'd hope at some point, I'd be able to just eat and exercise without calculating and logging and just being exhausted and frustrated with the whole thing. We ALL know it's not as easy as calories in vs calories out.

I think the biggest factor in my complacency, is the fact that this has been the first summer EVER that I've actually LIVED my life. Water parks, hiking, camping, biking, 5k's, climbing over rocks, and lots of other activities. Along with those activities was a lot of unplanned food. I know I could have logged everything or packed food to take with us everywhere, but I'm trying to LIVE MY LIFE. I was kind of careful, but I never turned down an ice cream cone. I should have had only one s'more instead of 2, or had a salad with the burger instead of fries. I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment this summer, and I still have a little left.

Yes, I really do want to lose the rest of this weight and get to my goal. Yes, I should get back on program and stop being so wishy washy about the whole thing. Maybe I need to stop setting weight goals, and just know that I'll get there when I get there. I think that right now, living life has been more important than the number on the scale, shocking right?

I will NOT be letting the weight pile back on, I had that wake up call a few weeks ago. I'm just not as concerned with it flying off either... complacent... maybe.... to a fault.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Rock on, Holly!!! emoticon
    2102 days ago
    Terrific blog!!

    I identify with your feelings of just enjoying life and the freedoms that come with being able to do so much more - to just live "normally" and not be burdened by the almost full time job of "healthy/ eating/ tracking/ dieting" - to relax. Well said.

    Unfortunately for me, I have yet to find that true "middle ground" where one can just live & maintain. I'll go there for awhile, then slowly my sugar addiction creeps back in, and though a few fries and ice cream will hardly cause damage - candy bars accompanied by a box of cookies and chased with a jar of Nutella will. My personal addictions know no bounds. I'd lost 150 pounds only to gain back 20 in 2 months! Arggg!!

    I welcome the days of complacency ....someday I'll get there, too : )

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    2109 days ago

    On living this summer and seeing many healthy options without stressing on them. The art of maintaining is yours.

    You may have a new season, a new aha moment that makes you strive for a new goal, and you have the tools for reaching them too as they arrive.

    Enjoy the rewards of your hard work and continue to raise a healthy active family as you go.
    2129 days ago
    You'll get to where you want. Sometimes we go so much at first that it's hard to keep the level all the time. I don't think it's a backslide, I just think it's a little bit of a rest until you start nailing it again.
    2130 days ago
    Oh, lots of good encouragement here! I think the best was the difference between complacent and contentment. There's nothing wrong with having a different priority for a season of your life, and contentment is something that a lot of people search after... so don't beat yourself up!
    2132 days ago
    I think the whole point about this journey is that we get to a point where out insecurities and hang ups about our weight don't stop us from enjoying our lives. Your quality of life has improved so much that you are able to do what you want and LIVE. As long as you're happy the rest will happen as and when you wish if you wish it. I'm not in the same place. Only 6 weeks ago I was taking Aimee to the beach and waterpark everyday and living my life too, but now I'm back to feeling my hang ups and that i don't want to get into a bikini in public. God help me, we've got our first EVER family holiday in 5 days time and it's a beach holiday! And I no longer want it. I feel terrible about my weight gain and my clothes don't fit.*sigh*. I feel jealous about you feeling good about where you are at the moment. Send me some of those feel-good-about-yourself-vibes!!!pan> emoticon
    2132 days ago
  • CATDUG19
    I loved your comment on the first summer of your life of really living!! i am doing that too this year, but your right it is so easy to fall of track just a little bit, I am not binging like in the past but I am not pushing myself either and we need to to hit that goal. You have come so far and you are going to win this so keep pushing
    2135 days ago
    I just read this!! Where was I at? lol Hell yeah, BTW! :) emoticon
    2137 days ago
    The point of the journey is to live your life with joy. You are definitely doing that.
    Spark On! You Got This! emoticon
    2137 days ago
    I think you are doing the right thing though. Just living your life and not letting the weight come back on this the main goal. Maybe when the summer is over, and things go back to normal, you will find some renewed motivation, but maybe not, when the time is right for you, it will happen. I kinda think I am at the beginning stage of where you are. I don't care anymore about getting to goal or being in a healthy BMI. I care about beating my own 5K time and trying that silly ropes course next week with my kids. There are two sides to losing lots of weight, one side is being so focused on the goal numbers that you may get there and never have learned to LIVE life. When you get to the goal, you may feel lost and have no clue what to focus on now that you achieved your number. You feel done and that I honestly think is what happened to me the first time I lost all my weight. I thought I was DONE. But I was not done, I needed new challenges and goals and activities and I never found them or noticed I needed them and gained all my weight back. The other side is learning to live your life. You know you will not get this summer back, sure maybe you didn't say no to an ice cream cone ever all summer, but you weren't eating the biggest one each time I bet, and you weren't eating them a million times a day or week even. You are making memories with your kids and being active, things that will keep you challenged and keeping your weight off. I say go with your process, it will lead you down the right path! HUGS!
    2137 days ago
    LOVED this! You've done so great!
    2137 days ago
    Honestly I think I am going through a lot of the same thing. When you have reached a level you haven't seen in 10+ years or ever it is very hard to stay motivated to push forward. So I totally get it. I also am one for enjoying NOW. Not when you get to a certain weight or BMI. Being happy and healthy is the goal. If you are there Holly then congrats and hats off to you. You have completed a journey many dream of and never make it to reality. You should be so proud of all you have accomplished and in the fact that YOU CHANGED YOUR LIFE! Often we wait around for life changing moments and you know what they seldom come. We have to make those moments and You have done that in spades. I am sooooo proud of you and inspired by you on a daily basis!!! I would like to throw out another word

    Contentment - mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are

    There is nothing wrong with that. People chase that there whole life and never achieve. That is what life is about enjoying living and doing it to the best of your ability!!!!

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    2142 days ago
    I can see where you are coming from. I definitely have days where I just want to enjoy the day and not have to think about every calorie. I make what I think are good choices when we're out, and apparently it doesn't matter because no matter how much I work out, my body will not forgive me for a couple hundred extra calories. Everyone tells me I look great and don't need to lose anymore. I know I need to lose more, I have a huge gut. Everyone tells me I have a lot of muscle and that is why I am not losing as much. All I know is I want to lose more weight, but this seems harder than in the beginning. I also have been enjoying the fruits of my labor and have been able to live life for the first time in so long, but I also don't think I am where I need to be. It's very hard to figure this out. I had hoped by this Christmas to be the size I am supposed to be, but I feel like this last 40 pounds is going to take a lot longer to lose. All I know is I will not let myself gain a bunch of weight back. I am so glad you are my friend and know what this feels like. It's such a battle.
    2142 days ago
  • AMBER281
    You are doing great and you will get to your goals!
    2143 days ago
    I love the fact that you got to live this summer.... loosing weight is a full time job and to me it is all consuming to loose weight. You have done fantastic. And you are still doing fantastic. There is not time limit on you. Relax, soak in life.... life is over all to soon. And focus on not gaining!! and when you are up for it... go again if you want to. I think it is actually smart to do it this way. There is so much to process mentally as we loose weight. Focus your goals on other things that will help you live life to the fullest ... like reducing stress, getting sleep, having a small fry when you feel like it etc..... This is all part of the journey dear friend. emoticon
    2144 days ago
    Wow... you just wrote my blog for me! You said everything I'm feeling. I'm finally happy and BMI.... pfft... who cares about that? I did more this summer than I ever have and have loved every second of it. If we're happy, complacent is ok. We won't slide backwards because we're happy where we are. I know we're gonna be just fine! Great blog!
    2144 days ago
  • ACCT1908
    THIS BLOG HERE!!! OMG Holly! I am at the very same place. I have been about 180-185 for a very long time due to sheer complacency.

    I "look" fine and normal. So because my reasoning for losing weight was to not "look" fat anymore..and I've met that goal I haven't had that go hard spirit.

    Like you I "think" I want/need to lose more but again the desire to do it isn't a burning one and so I've just maintained.

    I *only* have 30lbs to lose to reach my goal. After losing 130 you would think I would just knock these last few out huh? NOPE. Complacent.

    Big hugs to you. I UNDERSTAND!! :-)
    2144 days ago
    I can so totally identify with this! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
    2144 days ago
    Oh my gosh I want to copy and paste this as MY blog because you hit the nail on the head - COMPLACENT. How do we break complacent?! I've been struggling with that myself for some time now. I get one or two great days and then BAM, complacent. Ughhh.

    And I don't know about you, but to reach a healthy BMI I think I'd pretty much have to starve myself. So no worries there - but maybe we need new other types of goals? I've been thinking of trying a push up challenge for starters! Any fun goals you can think of?

    Hope you have a great week!
    2144 days ago
    I don't think there's anything wrong with complacency when you are satisfied with the direction your life is heading in. As long as you're happy I think that's the main thing. Sure, we always adjust a little here and there to make sure that we can remain complacent, but the ultimate goal is what matters.

    And you, ma'am, are doing an amazing job. :)
    2144 days ago
    I dont know. I have seen you work tirelessly, full bore for over 2 years. You have lost a huge amount of weight, barely waivering in your pursuit. I like that you are enjoying your LIFE...that was the whole point, right? To be able to do these things and enjoy your family with your new healthier body.

    I KNOW that you have committed to a lifestyle that you wont waiver from. I KNOW you COULD have had salad instead of french fries but come on! Life is short and really, who wants to NEVER eat a french fry again?

    You will lose more when and if you are ready. I think its fine to just enjoy where you are right now!. I mean, do you HAVE to be 100% at goal to be happy with the journey? I dont.

    I am happy with my weight loss but I also am happy with my life and the progress I have made. I AM going to keep going because I am not near where I need to be to further my health and my body image goals but I also know enough to realize life is precious and french fries make it better sometimes (not to mention cookies).

    I am so very very proud of you, Holly. When I think of where you were and where you are and what you have done in the amount of time you have done it, well, I get teary every time. You rock so much. I just love you, girl.
    2144 days ago
    Complacent isn't a fault when it is really contentment. Sounds like you have your head in a good place. Good for you to enjoy the summer with your family in your new body!

    I hate it when people tell me how much I should weigh, whether it is 'don't lose any more,' or 'reach your goal bmi.' I feel like telling them how they should have sex with their husband, and when they say, "That's personal!" I would say, "So is how much I choose to weigh and how.when I choose to get there."

    You rock!
    2144 days ago
    It does get tiring having to plan out what feel like every moment of every day just to make sure you meet your calorie and exercise goals, which I guess is why I just try to focus on one day at a time. Being so close to the beginning, I totally get how overwhelming it is to think that you have to do this forever. There's definitely got to be balance there, and I think part of truly making this thing a lifestyle is finding that balance that works for you. I'm so happy you've gotten to enjoy life this summer. That's so important, and part of the before mentioned balance. I think you're going be just fine, girly!

    2144 days ago
    Hi Holly emoticon Wow! You have been busy. But I know what your saying, but all I know is is that life goes by so fast, and I know the better we take care (eat & exercise) of ourselfs the bettere we will be. But at the same time, I know how hard it is to have to watch and count your foods and to make sure that you get in all your exercise. So I guess what I am trying to say is is that I have 3 daughters, and it seems like just yesterday my oldest was almost 5, (but she just turned 25, next is just 23 and the babys 18 and leaving for college in 2 weeks) So do what you need for your health, but when you have time to be with the family and not able to do yours just enjoy! It goes by tooooo fast! Sorry if this sounds wrong, but it's been 1 of those days emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2144 days ago
    I think you and I are in the same boat. I've been at the same weight for a year now. Oh, I've lost about 5 more pounds but not enough to really mean anything. I keep thinking how I like how I look and how much I've lost but then there's that number - 145 - my goal weight. When I saw the doctor not too long ago I was sort of hoping she would say I'm okay where I am but she just said, "I think 145 is a good goal for you, sure." So maybe I need to work at it more but sometimes I just don't want to. Hugs!
    2144 days ago

    I am of two minds here. On one hand I think a rest is a great idea. BUT on the other hand is a rest really about allowing yourself to pput on weight? How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? Is this yoyo syndrom? I think I have to say that maybe there has to be a point where you tell yourself, ' back to reality', because the reality of all this is, that you have chosen a lifestyle and yes there has to be wiggle room, but my fear is when you step over the line and it all tumbles down. I fear for your safety, I think.

    Relax, take the rest of the summer easy but don't let compacency become your new lifestyle. You've come to far and fought too hard for what you wanted. DOn't let it slip away.

    2144 days ago
    I don't think you're complacent, I just think you needed off the roller coaster for awhile. The kids go back to school in 3 weeks and you can go back to ppacking foods etc. Enjoy your thinner you and the life you can live now.

    2144 days ago
    2144 days ago
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