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Things that go bump in the night

Sunday, August 05, 2012

A couple of nights ago, I was on my way to bed, when I encountered my small cat, Percy. He was sitting on his cushion on a wooden bentwood chair in the hall, yowling loudly as it rocked backwards and forwards, shaken by an unseen hand. My hair started to stand on end then I realised it was simply balanced on an uneven bit of floor, and he was doing the wobbling himself. I put out a hand to steady the chair and it stopped.

Amazing how your imagination can run riot when faced with a hysterical feline in the middle of the night, isn't it? Natural causes, I refuse to countenance any other possibility.

Talking of hysterical cats, my large cat, Charlie (pictured) has been upchucking a lot recently. This in itself doesn't bother me, but he's been doing it indoors, which does. This morning he started retching and found himself out in the garden before he had time to realise his paws were no longer on the ground. I suspect furballs. He's saying nothing.

So this afternoon I got out the grooming comb and corraled him in the sitting-room. The minute I shut the door, he smelled a rat. I picked him up and he howled with rage. I sat him on my lap and wrapped one arm round his back end to stop him reversing, the other round the front to stop him going forwards. With my third hand, I started combing.

If you live with cats, you'll be familiar with this sort of thing. If you don't, consider yourself fortunate. I started gently going through the fur, and the fur started flying. So did the feline bad language. I didn't catch all of it but the gist was:

'Put me down. Now!'
'Who do you think you are?'
'Get off my bottom.'
'Don't touch my TAIL'
'I know it doesn't hurt but your neighbours won't call the RSPCA unless I yell good and loud. Help! HELP. H E L P!!! Murder! Assault! Mad cat woman attack!!!
'Just you wait till I get a paw free. I'll take your face off. You'll be in hospital with multiple lacerations.'
'Let me GO!'

You get the picture. Within 10 minutes I had removed fluff the size of a cricket ball and expended about 200 calories in the struggle. Charlie eventually propelled himself skywards using all four paws simultaneously. He was last seen on the back patio wearing an injured expression but looking much sleeker

I would like to spend half an hour grooming each cat but my nerves won't take it. I still have to catch the other one, he of the wobbly chair, who must by now realise there's summat up. He's out in the garden and I haven't seen him since 7am.

It's such fun, living with cats.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My cats run to the Ottoman, jump up and assume the position the moment I reach for their brush. Recently I got a second brush so I could do them both at the same time, to circumvent any hurt feelings. You know how cats have a finely developed sense of fairness, and who goes first and gets the most attention really counts.
    Well, unless they are both on the Ottoman when the brush comes out, they wait politely but with barely restrained impatience for their turn.
    emoticon emoticon
    1992 days ago
    Very funny story. Your kitty is probably saying that.

    My 15-pound tortoise shell ca,t Cookie, is a hairball spewer from way back. We adopted her 3 years ago.

    I have found hairballs on the floor the length of, oh, about 4-5 inches. The other day I picked a dried one (with dry puke) off of the top of a dresser.

    Guess I better buy food that is hairball control. I already tried the stuff in a tube. She knows what is up and runs her fat ass where I can't get her.

    Of course, if I do get some in her mouth, she glares at me like I am the WORST mommy in the world.

    2079 days ago
    My cats like to be brushed for about 3 minutes. Then they get antsy.

    I don't know if there are ghosts, but every once in a while my cats will creep me out by suddenly raising up and staring down into the dark hallway at night. There are no noises, nothing going on. What do they see/hear that I can't? (I seem to remember a Far Side cartoon where one dog 'says' to another one--while the owner is sitting nearby-- 'Now I'm going to get up and just stare into the closet'.)
    2083 days ago
    2083 days ago
  • EABL81
    My cats love to be combed. All I have to do is show them the comb and they come running. Now, claw clipping - that's another story. The yowling alone would make you think that I'm ripping the claws out one by one. I explain to them every time that I clip my own claws as well, but they just look at me as if to say, "we always knew you were somewhat demented."

    And maybe those of us who are willing to try to subdue a struggling cat for any purpose really are.

    Just tell your co-workers that you spent the weekend picking berries. That's what I do. It's less embarrassing than having to admit to all those dog lovers that my cats tried to flay me alive again.
    2083 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/5/2012 2:18:49 PM
  • KSCRAP363
    Totally awesome story!!!
    2083 days ago
    Actually, recent research has found that the Medieval practice of bloodletting can be very beneficial. It reduces toxins in the blood, enabling your body to cope better with inflammations. I usually just visit the local Red Cross Blood Drives, but either bathing or brushing a cat (or trying to give it a dose of medicine) will work just as well.
    If you'd prefer to visit the Red Cross, a trip to your nearby welding supply store, or motorcycle shop should yield good, thick leather apparel. emoticon
    2083 days ago
    Yeah, mine has started. He was such a cute, fluffy kitten, now he's growing into a long-haired hairball machine.

    2083 days ago
    What a cat-astrophe! Be sure you record your calorie expenditure. I wonder if Spark could be convinced to add 'cat grooming' to their list. emoticon
    2083 days ago
  • LAZAR2
    Cat antics! Hilarious :)
    2083 days ago
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