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Hi I'm Eels and I'm STILL addicted to embarrassing

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Yesterday I had to work 13 hours. We're launching a new system at the plant that I'm Staff Accountant at and it's honestly been a disaster so far. So needless to say stress eating and food addiction reared it's ugly head yesterday. The company brought in our meals, which was nice of them, and I think everyone was dipping their fingers into the stress and eat pool yesterday. So I decided to make a list of everything I consumed yesterday to give you an idea of what my eating habits were 120 pounds ago and also how every now and then it will come back and bite me right in my new slightly slimmer and a little tighter ass.

Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit
Glazed DoughNut
Diet Mountain Dew

Fun Size Peanut Butter M&M
2 Mini Reeses (the tiny one's wrapped in foil)

6 Inch Subway Club W/ Lettuce, Tom, Pickles, Mayo and Mustard
Glazed DoughNut
210 Calorie Bag of Cheetos Puffs

Fun Size Peanut Butter M&M
3 Mini Reeses (the tiny one's wrapped in foil)

Japanese Hibachi Chicken with fried rice, onions and zukes, and Shrimp Sauce
Half of a small salad with Shrimp Sauce
Diet Coke

Fun Size Peanut Butter M&M
3 Mini Reeses (the tiny one's wrapped in foil)

Then right before I left at 9 I ate another DoughNut.

It's funny how one day of stress can affect you so much that you will just throw everything you believe out the window to get whatever satisfaction you can from food.

I'm horrified and embarrassed to post this. I'm suppose to be past this right? Honestly do you ever get past it? Is there ever really a time when you can finally say that when I'm stressed the last things I think about are doughnuts, cookies, chips, and ice cream? Please someone tell me yes!

And to think that this used to be an everyday thing for me. I felt so sick when I got home yesterday that all I wanted was to puke and cry and somehow get all the mistakes I made out of my body! Instead I took a long, hot, bubble bath and relaxed, trying to not let this whole situation drive me mental because believe me it will.

I think that I'm still trying to find myself, my happy medium with food, my love for my body, my attitude, and my soul. Believe me friends, losing weight is fantastic and being healthy is even better, but it can draw confusion and the feelings of being lost and abandonment. People tell me it'll get easier, and I know it will. I think that the first step is loving yourself more than food and then the rest will just magically fall into place. Fingers Crossed anyways. I want this month to be wonderful. Replace "month" with "LIFE" and it would be even better.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so proud of you for posting this. I have been so stressed the past three weeks and while I haven;t gone all out (YET) I feel it coming. A bagel in the weekend has turned into a scone muffin bagel every morning and a sweet every afternoon. I don;t want my life or my emotions ruled by my food. It sounds like you don;t want it like that either. We will just keep on working through all this one hard day at a time. emoticon
    2054 days ago
  • AMBER281
    I stress eat too and it is crazy how one little thing can get you so off track.
    But forget about what you did or didn't do and get back on track.
    2082 days ago
  • EMMYLOU010409
    I agree with everyone is saying. A slip up is a slip up. Your body let you know, physically and mentally, that it wasn't happy. You get back up again tomorrow, you try again tomorrow. You've got this.
    2082 days ago
    Don't get your panties in a twist. It was one day and you noticed right away that your body wasn't very happy with the intake of food. One day is better than one week. Maybe at some point it will be one meal instead of one day.

    You've got this.
    2083 days ago
    I have also had days just like that. Somethimes it's really hard to stay on track. Just take things one day at a time. You can do this!!!
    2083 days ago
    That you can acknowledge you have an issue that rears it's head once in a while is a feat in itself. What you describe is much like how I am myself. The difference between you and I, is that I still justify it much of the time. For me, I'm quite sure it will never go away completely... you seem pretty intent on shaking it and do not just accept it. That alone should take you to the point you want to be. Like what was mentioned before, it might always nag at you because it's like any other addiction, but you don't have to give in. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but you ARE allowed to make a "mistake" once in awhile. As long as you don't slide into old habits with gusto, you will be fine. You've changed your whole life in a year and a half.... take a step back and breathe. You are still learning and finding your comfy, happy place!! Allow yourself a little leeway, woman!!

    2083 days ago
    You are a very brave girl, Miss Eels!

    I guess it has always been my assumption that someone, like myself, who has issues with food enough to end up 100+ pounds overweight will probably always be somewhat predisposed to unhealthy food habits. But like any predispositions we may have, conscious effort and hard work can help us beat the odds and take our habits, health, and lives back into our own hands. It will probably always have to be a CONSCIOUS effort, though - distractions like adversity and stress can easily cause us to slip back into our old habits, which never really go away.

    I know this isn't exactly that you wanted to hear, but I hope that maybe it can be comforting in a way - knowing that is isn't some weakness in will or character that causes these sorts of days, and perhaps a renewed pride that you kept up your good habits for SO long and achieved SO much, knowing how easy it would have been to give up along the way.

    You are totally amazing, especially when you confront your fears on days when you are feeling your worst.
    2084 days ago
    I've known a few alcoholics in my life, some recovering, some not so much. I know that addicts have slips sometimes. It's normal and to be expected. The important thing is that you don't let the slip beat you. You slipped, you are doing the absolutely right thing in acknowledging it. You own it and you move on.

    Congrats, btw, on your weight loss. You're an inspiration to those like me who have such a long road ahead!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2084 days ago
    I agree 100 percent that it is so hard and right now, it is not easy. I think we've both become a bit lax because we've lost so much and we aren't thinking about it as much as we did 100 pounds ago. But, we're never gonna be able to keep that up for our whole lives, so some days are just going to be bad days. As long as we know that tomorrow we are going to be better, we just have to stick with it. Everyone is going to have a bad day because of stress or even just being happy and having fun... we'll get used to it, we have to, because neither of us are going backwards!! We've come way too far and look HOTTTTT!!
    2084 days ago
    I'm really proud of you for posting this, as it is really hard to admit when we have slipped up a little. Keep in mind that one day isn't going to ruin all of the amazing progress & hard work you put in. Hell, look how much you have lost, girl! Obvs you are doin something right!! We all get stressed at times, and yes, we may slip back into eating junk, junk, junk hoping that it temporarily cures all of our stress. More often than not, it just leaves us feeling more crappy than from just the stress alone. We just gotta use it as a learning experience, ya know?

    I'm not sure if it gets any easier, as I am only down 36 pounds, but just think of how far you have come. As you said, this used to be the way you ate every single day. And now you are upset at yourself for letting *one* day of food get away from you! Just pick yourself back up, and today is a new day. I hope work gets less stressful. I know how much that can suck.
    2084 days ago
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