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What scares me the most.

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Friday, August 03, 2012

In my attempt to be transparent in my journey I felt I should share my fears with you. Yes I've lost a LOT of weight but that doesn't mean I haven't had to face down some pretty scary things!

1) Fear I will gain the weight back. This is huge because I have done this before. Not only did I gain the weight I had lost but I gained even more.

2) Fear my weigh loss will stall and I will be stuck halfway to my goal. I've had some plateaus and they are not fun. The more I lose the harder it gets!

3) Fear that my weight loss won't garner me the approval I so desire from certain people. I'm sure many of you can identify with this one. After decades of judgement, nagging I fear that the weight loss won't be enough.

4) Fear of elephant skin. I already have quite a bit and surgery is not an option so I hope I can live with the consequences of my obesity.

5) Fear of negative relationship changes. Will my "fat" friends disown me?

6) Fear of boredom. Will I grow weary of my program and start reverting to old habits?

7) Fear of feeling unfulfilled. The process of losing weight is like a project. When I achieve my goal will I lack purpose? Will I feel like "what next"?

8) Fear of food. Will I be able to eat in control? Will I be able to go to parties, holiday meals, and events and feel "normal"?

These are all real fears and they all require me to press on and trust myself to have the courage to face down whatever pops up in front of me.

So when you are feeling overwhelmed or fearful, know you are not alone. It's a long journey and requires both endurance and courage but it's doable!

Press On!

Addendum: I don't want you to think I sit in fear every day. Most days I am strong and endure but I did want you to know I "do" have fears. I think for those just beginning it is easy to look at the results of others (down 75, 100, and more) and think they found some secret path that is obstacle free - it's not. The key is we just keep going!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DOTTY7267
    Thank you for sharing.
    2097 days ago
    As you climb further in the weight loss #'s, it is more difficult. You just have to dedicate yourself to putting in extra effort. Be spot on for Nutrition, do some intense fitness and believe that no matter what the scales says, don't let it scare you into believing you won't succeed! It is natural to have fear, yes even the most successful people. Some relationships were not meant to last and nothing you do will put you in a good light for some people. Just be you and maintenance will be your new "project"!
    2099 days ago
    Your blogs are consistently great! BTW, I have lost more than your goal (71 kilos so far), and while I do have some skin folds, they do not bother me! I get a lot less heat rashes than I did when I was overweight! Apparently the slowness of a regular weight loss (as opposed to weight-loss surgery) makes a big difference. As for Number 3, I agree with maritimer 3
    2101 days ago
    I believe we all have the same or simular fears as we are loosing and after we lose our weight. I've never been able to maintain the weight loss so that worries me the most. I think what is different this time is it is a new life style not a diet so it hopefully will be easier to maintain the loss. Lucinda
    2111 days ago
  • TERID816
    The person who says they do not have ANY fears is just afraid to face them!
    2113 days ago
    i feel your fears! and live with a lot of them daily. i think the way we get through all these healthy life changes is by bringing our feelings into submission to our mind. if we can win the battle there, we can win the battle everywhere. we are afraid, we do the right things anyway. you're building mental and emotional muscles as well as physical. just like our physical self can atrophy, our discipline can as well. we need to realize that this isn't like taking a plane to a destination--our diet will get us somewhere, then we can PARTY!!! we have to permanently relocate and keep living life as we've lived it to take off the weight--control what we eat and how we are active. we can't go back to where we were, or we'll wind up there again.
    kudos to you for all you're doing to change your life, in spite of your fears! emoticon
    2115 days ago
    I'm glad you shared your fears-I can relate to some of them for sure. Today as I putting clothes away I thought once I these clothes are too big will I get rid of them? Should I keep them...I though well maybe 1 pair so I will always be able to remember where I was & how far I've come. There's a lot to think about & deal with along our journeys. What we have to remember is that we are all stronger then we give ourselves credit for. emoticon
    2115 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. We all have similar fears.
    2115 days ago
    Thanks for being so honest. I also worry about gaining it back, but all I can do today is the best I can for today.
    2115 days ago
    You've brought up a lot of questions. I'm sure that we can all relate to some of them. Here are some answers:

    1. I've lost weight and regained it (and more) too. I believe that with SP I'm finally learning more about nutrition than I knew before, and I hope that will keep me from regaining all the weight.

    2. As for losing only half the weight you want to lose... just think about how much healthier you are with the present weight loss. Even if you don't lose all that you want, you are doing great things for your health and self-esteem.

    3. About not getting the recognition you need from some people... you have no control over this. I wish I could say that it would all work out the way you hope, but it might not. This weight loss program should be for YOU, not anyone else.

    4. Elephant skin - yes, maybe, and if you can't have surgery to remove it, just be very careful that the folds don't get infected.

    5. Negative relationship changes - yes, some of your friends might not be pleased with your weight loss... perhaps it will make them feel guilty, or perhaps they will feel that you are preaching at them (I'm not saying that you are doing this).

    6. Fear of boredom - I don't see this happening... with every pound you lose you are a stronger, healthier, happier person, and all kinds of new opportunities are opening up for you.

    7. Re-read my answer to #6 - look for new opportunities, new friends, new hobbies and new challenges. Volunteer - there's nothing to make us forget about our own problems like helping solve other peoples' problems

    8. Fear of food - think of all the steps you've taken to get control of your eating. Part of the future will be learning that there are no "bad" foods, nothing that you can never have again. SP is all about learning to control our portions. Control food binges. Learn to enjoy a little portion of something that tastes absolutely delicious... enjoy the taste without eating the whole thing.

    You have come such a long way, and you've inspired so many people. It's natural to worry a bit about your results and about the future. We're all trying to break old habits and learn new ones. If we've used food for comfort in the past (which is certainly what I've done), we have to learn to use it properly, for nourishment.

    I believe in you. You have come such a long way, and I believe that you will continue to be successful, and to be fulfilled in your life.

    Gail emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2115 days ago
    So true for all of us....
    2115 days ago
    Thanks alot! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2115 days ago
  • BMW9295
    Such words of wisdom. This was like you were writing from inside my mind. I think about all these things.
    I thank you again for sharing and letting me know what I am thinking and feeling is normal.
    2115 days ago
    Yep..i got some of those Fears also...especially the one where i think what do i do once i get there?? How hard will it be to 'maintain' ??! emoticon for putting it all in one blog..the Fears we all have..more or less!
    2115 days ago

    You are sooo right. Many of us have many of the same fears. As I have learne dfrom friends who have lost alot, some of them never go away. Years later, they still fear weight gain and fight to remain vigilant every day. If you see this journey as a way of life, it is easier. We will have to eat and exercise this way forever. There is no turning back. No magic number we reach and it is all roses. No No. As overweight people we have to agree to change our lives, forever. The benefits though, far outweigh the work involved. Seems to me we are working toward a pretty great future and that is what keeps me going.

    2116 days ago
    another good blog.

    I understand your fears as I've done them all, it's not fun, was down to 225 and now am sitting at 300.
    However, I know you can do this. Believe in you
    2116 days ago
    I am so glad you posted this. I have struggled with these issues occasionally for a few years and just recently admitted them! You speak volumes to me and I have to thank you. It is just really about living in reality and calling out our fears when they pop out and then dealing with them. I am proud of your journey and that you deal with real issue's and realities and move forward. emoticon Keep it up!
    2116 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    well stated...........great blog.....
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    2116 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/4/2012 10:01:48 AM
    I've come to realize that in every step of a journey, you need support! That is what I like about this site; it's supportive without judgement! All your fears are sure valid - but maybe to take your mind off of the "what ifs" you can take on new goals and tasks to distract your mind a little? I know it's easier said than done when you get in a funk - believe me, I have been there too - but so many things are overcome when we learn something new and focus on being excited about new skills, instead of beating ourselves up over something that's become familiar and can get us more depressed when we mess it up just for the simple fact that we KNOW BETTER. I am trying to figure out what new sport I want to take up so that I don't get stuck in fitness boredom, because I can see myself getting burned out in another few weeks if I'm not careful.

    As for your friends...don't worry so much about what others THINK, but focus on what YOU think, because that's all that really matters! If anyone puts you down for something good you've accomplished, it's just their jealousy talking. Don't let that fool you into stooping down to ANYONE'S level!! Keep up your good work and take on each fear in baby-steps!
    2116 days ago
  • TANYAP71
    Thank you for sharing. I had and continue to have many of these fears. They are real and need to be worked on. I am much farther with some than with others. I hope you find that some are not warranted and the rest are conquerable over time.
    2116 days ago
    Great blog that I think we all relate to. Many of those fears are the same whether you're losing 100 pounds or 10. Thanks for sharing.
    2116 days ago
    you can do it you have talked about everything me 378 to 105 yep 273 pounds gone..lots of plateaus over the five year 'function'..the great thing about sparkpeople is that when you are all done you continue to be here and continue your good habits of logging and the stuff that goes with it remember this is not a diet but a way of life..i have maintained for four years now and i have no trouble doing it ..yes i go to partied and i have cake and ice cream on occasion and it's ok i take what i want and i am right back on my regular stuff immediately you have to not let excuses throw all your work to the winds..i don't feel deprived of anything and even as a diabetic i have always allowed my self those celebrations of life in can do it..just come here every day and blog and enrich those lives you touch in so many ways
    the lady mary
    2116 days ago
    Brilliantly put.... thankyou
    2116 days ago
  • GABY1948
    Totally understand what you are saying! emoticon
    2116 days ago
    Wow! So many of the same fears & some are very valid.
    2116 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Great Blog. I can relate to them. I have put a lot of the weight back on because I could not stand the way I look. I have think about what I need to do next now. God Bless You and Family. Have a Wonderful Week.
    2116 days ago
    fear is a very hard thing to live with but I have been told that courage is living your life while being in the fear facing your demons and going right own living despite your fear.I could relate to all your fears but my biggest is never reaching my weight loss goal. All we can do is keep striving and pray God helps us obtain and finish this race. Phillipians 4:13 states as christians all things are possible thru Christ who strengthens us. emoticon
    2116 days ago
  • JENNNY135
    So true, I can relate to #7 on your list - what then once i reach my goal- what do I do then? My husband says then maintain but I'm like - "It's not that easy". Funny how we define ourselves and focus our whole lives to losing weight, then when it's achieved we don't know what to do with ourselves. I guess I need to figure this out.

    Thanks for sharing.
    2116 days ago
    You always have such GREAT blogs.
    This one was a surprise - you have
    always seemed confident & together !

    WOW ! Your successes so far are emoticon .
    You should KNOW you can do ANYTHING now!

    You have proven, "Where there is a will, there is a way."
    and "With Christ all things are possible"

    emoticon emoticon


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    2116 days ago
    emoticon Blog - some of which I have thought about too.
    However, once I suceed with reaching goal - I'm more concerned with the effort to maintain without getting bored. However, the process to goal will I'm sure pave the way to future sucess too!

    emoticon emoticon
    2116 days ago
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    2116 days ago
  • BLACK741
    great blog and so very spot on. especially the skin part. Think I am at peace with most of the issues except for the bat wings, they still irritate me. Everything else I feel I can deal with because I feel so much better. I know that I will get over it and be OK, just not quite sure what it will take to stop noticing them every time I look in the mirror.
    2116 days ago
    I can relate to all of those. Great blog!
    2116 days ago
    It's nice to know others have the same fears that I do. The fear of failing and going backwards has been my enemy for the past 18+ years. It's blogs like yours that help us push past the fear and believe in the possibilities!
    2116 days ago
    Every blog you write, blows me away. Your blogs are echos of the feelings of so many of us, only you are able to verbalize about it. Thank you.
    2116 days ago
  • SJOHNS30
    it takes courage to be honest about these things. all we can do is take it one day at a time. u'll only get stopped halfway to your goal if you quit. if you keep going then eventually you will get past it and you'll be more than halfway to your goal... even if it takes years and years to get past the halfway point... eventually you will. you're only guaranteed to fail if u quit
    2116 days ago
    Who said, "The only thing to fear is fear itself."? Fear can take many forms. It can be crippling. It is also something that we can rise above. We can use it against itself. We can use the tools that we have learned and know to build our defenses up, so that the next time fear comes knocking on our door, we can tell it exactly where to go!!
    2116 days ago
    2116 days ago
    I share these fears and have had some of these things happen to me as well. But awareness is 90% of the game and you have that in spades. Thanks for being so open. We are rooting for you.
    2116 days ago
    I like every one have all these fears also. I am glad to know that someone, many someones also have these fears as well.
    2116 days ago
  • DOVE1010
    I'm right there with you on just about all of it. But I know its now or never for me. I ain't getting any younger, and if I want this to happen I have to suck it up and press on. Most of the time the thing you fear the most will never come to pass or it won't be nearly as awful as you think. We will do this!

    emoticon emoticon
    2116 days ago
    It's good to admit and face your fears. It's ok. You're doing great!
    2116 days ago
    It's okay to be afraid. It was very brave of you to share this. :-)
    2116 days ago
    Yes you have all those fears, but try to stay positive and keep in close contact with SP. Atleast you have lost weight it sounds like. I have lost about 17 pounds. It seems I have problems going down and then staying or going back up. It seems like a roller coaster ride. But I know that I have support which keeps me going. Good luck. emoticon emoticon
    2116 days ago
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