I will not give up, I will not give in...not even me can hold me back.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Today was a good day, it started off well, I got on the scale and was in a new "decade" I had struggled with that previous one for way too long and was so very happy to bid it farewell. I could have just took it easy today, rested...but I still belong to the at least 10 min of activity a day challenge. A streak I haven't been doing so well at. But today I'm 3 for 3 so far...and that's a start...Although I was happy to be down in weight I was still 1# from my mini goal. That 1# really stuck in my mind all day. I decided I wasn't going to let that 1# stand in my way. I was going to hit the gym and hard. But something was very different today. Despite how good I felt before hitting the gym the workout was grueling. But now that I look back it was a very good thing. I was an athlete again. The me that could push myself so hard was back no matter how hard the workout seemed. It was mind over body and the will of my mind won. Not having done my usual 5k walk/run for this week yet I planned on getting it done before I even got to the gym. This also started week 3 in my running for rookies training program. I felt so good starting the race, and then my body just hit a wall, or at least it felt like it. I was even having a hard time doing my intervals of walking/running. I wanted to call it quits so bad, I had done almost the minimum training for the program, but that's not what I came to do. I came to do a 5k and if I ended up walking most and having a slower time then so be it . I honestly think this had to be the hardest workout I've ever done. I've never had to fight with myself so much to get the work done. I paused my race for 15 seconds to catch my breath, I felt defeated, I was done I was going to quit for the day. And then something pushed me, a voice inside me said just walk it for a while, don't give up! So I continued...i ended up pushing myself to finish my 30 min interval training, I had at least accomplished that. But I didn't come to the gym to just do the minimum I came to do a race. Again I had to pause for 15 seconds...to really mentally kick my butt and make myself finish this. I started walking again, I was getting closer to my goal and this made me push harder, I upped my speed walking, I knew at this point beating my previous time wasn't going to happen but I was going to finish this race. I am an athlete and I don't give up and I don't give in. I was going to cross that virtual finish line one way or another. Somewhere out of nowhere a burst of energy hit me and I ran for another min and 30 of the race, after all it couldn't hurt. I went back to walking and then upped my speed again, I was now walking 3.7 when I usually stick to 3.5mph. I was finally almost near the end and then I just pushed it and gave it my all, I knew I couldn't run but I bumped the speed up to 3.8mph. As soon as I made my distance of 3.1 miles I quit. I was broken down and wiped out...and then I looked at my time. 4 min faster than any other race before now. How did I do that fighting myself so bad the entire way? I was amazed at myself but so whipped I couldn't enjoy it properly. I just stood there on the treadmill dripping wet, just telling myself over and over I did it, I finished the race...I was back, the athlete from all those years ago had returned when I had least expected it. The athlete that practiced for hours after the team practice was through..The athlete that knew exactly what I was capable of and how to push through the hard times and the mental anguish. Every time the thought of "I can't do this today" entered my mind the athlete took over gave me a small break and then said keep going, you have nothing to lose but that darn 1# standing in your way of your mini goal. Really, you're going to let that pound dictate your will?
And I wasn't finished. I had my 60 min of elliptical biking that I had to get in so I made my minimum burn of 500 calories. I got on the bike and realized this was going to be just as hard. That had to be the longest 60 min of my life. Usually I get lost in my music and just push on but today my focus just wasn't there...and again the athlete had to take over, just 2 more min...just 20 more calories burned...I had to keep myself going like that for the whole hour. But I made it. I didn't log as many miles as usual, very close though but again I had pushed myself beyond the wall in my mind and did it. Despite feeling down that i had to push myself so hard to do things I usually have no problem really got me down, but as I retreated to the locker room I said to myself I'm no quitter..and it may have been one hard workout but I did what I came here to do, and I did it well. A new best time in my virtual 5k and 850 calories burned. And one very important lesson learned....not even I can stand in my way this time. Today victory is mine!