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Being punished

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sometimes I feel what we go through is a form of punishment.

I seen my ex and his gf at the store today.
I felt so sick to my stomach.
Everything came rushing back. The hurt and the pain that I thought I was through with.
I know I am never going to quit loving this man. I spent 8 years with him. I get that.
I just feel like running into him like that is a form of punishment. He lives 20 minutes away from that store and should of been at work.
I don't get it and I don't think I ever will.

All I can do is be me. keep being a amazing mom and a good person to everyone I encounter. I KNOW I did not deserve the crap he put me through. I just do not get that after everything why do I still care about him and have feelings there.

On the flip side I graduated school on the 6th of July. By the 17th I had a position at a top doctors office in the area.
I am putting everything into this position and hoping to learn and be one of the best at what I do.

I am not going to let anything bring me down. I WILL be healthy. I WILL be happy. I came this far. I am lucky to have good friends and people around to help me out.
Speaking of good people. I miss my mom so much. She lives in Florida and I live in Michigan
She is going to be here on Aug 11th. I can not wait to see her and my dad. Super excited.

That is all for now

Stay healthy.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I enjoy the spirit of your entry. It shows character.
    Went to look at your page and when you should feel down or 'punished', maybe you should have a look at it too! See how far you've come and how much you've done... oh yeah, and re-read this, too: "I have went from that 298 pound woman to a 174 pound fighter. "
    I don't think seeing your ex is supposed to be a punishment... I can imagine it hurts but from the sound of it you have the strength to move through this.
    2096 days ago
    I know it is hard because I still have that feeling sometimes and I don't even run into him. I am very happily with someone else, but after 6 years with a person sometimes it does get to you because deep down you know you deserve better. You are doing amazing now and have such a bright future ahead of you. Try to keep your head up and stay strong! Enjoy your visit with your parents!!! :)
    2097 days ago
    You have a very positive attitude, keep focused on your positive thoughts and you will do fine.
    2097 days ago
    maybe it is not really a punishment, but a reminder of how far you have come and how much farther you can go.
    2097 days ago
    I have similar feelings about my ex. But I moved about 1000 miles away from him so there's no chance of me running into him. haha I can't imagine how I would feel if I ran into him & his gf somewhere. You have the right mindset though just keep being the amazing person that you are!
    2097 days ago
    I don't know if the pain will ever go away, I just hope you keep enjoying life & that someone special will treat you the way you deserve to be treated comes into your life soon. Sounds like you are an amazing, smart, hardworking & beautiful woman & he should regret not treating you better and staying w/you. Seriously his loss! Enjoy your time w/your folks.
    2097 days ago
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