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Monday, July 23, 2012

I lost the love of my life tonight...I ruined the best thing I've ever know...
what is wrong with me...
updated 7/4/2013
Losing him was the best thing that could have happened. I wasted a year of my life loving someone who was not right for me
fighting with him off and on over stupid stuff because he drank and partied too much

...lesson learned.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    2100 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2101 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Hang in there emoticon emoticon
    2102 days ago
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    2102 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon thinking of you in your time of need.
    2102 days ago
    emoticon Oh, I can relate all too well. I've been dealing with depression since I was a teenager (I'm 34 now), and like you, I felt I'd gotten so used to being in that rut that it was what was comfortable, and I worried about dragging people down with me. I don't know your particular situation, of course, but don't give up. If you truly feel he was the love of your life, perhaps you need to tell him exactly what you've told us here. If he loves you too, he will understand, be supportive, and try to help you get through this. I have found a boyfriend who does just that for me, and it amazes me. Because of my past, I just assume that the same bad things will happen with my relationship. Rather than making this a self-fulfilling prophecy, I've been in therapy now for several years. It's helping me make sense out of what I'm feeling because of my depression, how it affects me, my thought patterns, and other people. I have an almost PTSD reaction from the divorce I suffered through over 10 years ago now, but am finally starting to think that maybe I really will get over it and learn to move on.

    I guess what I'm getting at is that perhaps you need some professional help to figure out why you feel so "unhappy" all the time, and why you feel like you're "sucking the life" out of everyone. You don't have to be unhappy all the time. Therapy is a good first step, and if your therapist thinks it will help, perhaps a referral to a psychiatrist for medication could help, as well. But take it one step at a time. Tell your boyfriend what you've told us here. Seek therapy, and perhaps seek therapy *with* your boyfriend. Relationships are a two-way street, and it involves work by both people, especially when one is suffering through any kind of medical issue (of which mental health is definitely one!)

    But also, know that you're not alone. I'm thinking of you and praying for you, and I'm sure the others who've posted here are doing the same. Message me anytime.

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    2102 days ago

    Don't worry girl things have a tendency to work themselves out, you just need to stick with it long enough to see how

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    2103 days ago
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    2103 days ago
    Sending Huge Hugs your way emoticon . Hope you can get things straightened out for yourself!
    2103 days ago
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    2103 days ago
    It is hard to lose someone you love but it sounds like this is not the first time. I would echo the comment you need to get some professional help and figure out what you can change or unfortunately history will repeat itself again and again.
    It might be possible after you get help to open up to this person and ask for a second chance but you need to get help for yourself now and then move on to the relationships with others.
    Best wishes for your success emoticon emoticon
    2103 days ago
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    If you really feel like he's the love of your life, maybe you should tell him, no matter how impossible it seems. Life is too short and it only happens once. Maybe it's not as ruined as you think, and if you don't tell him, you always wonder.

    Whatever you decide to do, don't be too hard on yourself. You deserve to be happy and you will find happiness in time if you are nice to yourself and learn to love yourself.
    2103 days ago
    emoticon relationships are hard and it's very difficult not to bring our baggage with us. my dh was able to hold on as i dragged him through heck but he helped me so much i was able to hold on and begin to heal. i am still a mess but he stands by me. you will find someone that if you can be honest up front. i am sorry for your pain and i hope you feel better. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2103 days ago
    Maybe in time, you will be able to speak with him and work things out...if not then try to learn from this, we all have to find out who we are and sometimes have to let something go and find something better afterwards emoticon
    2103 days ago
    I am wondering if rather than "being depressed" you are suffering from Depression. If you haven't spoken with a Health Professional I suggest that you make an appointment with your Dr and ask for a referral to a Therapist. They are best placed to help you deal with your baggage from the past, and give you the tools to continue your life in an emotionally healthy state. This will obviously help you with any further relationships!

    BIG hugs,
    (Dealing with Depression Co-Moderator)
    2103 days ago
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