I guess I didnt fool anyone...

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Just a few minutes ago I get a telephone call from my mother here at work. She usually doesnt call me unless there is a problem so of course I was dreading picking up the call.

She preceded to tell me that the other night while my youngest brother and I were BS'ing in the other night in the living room and she came in she noticed that I had a smile on my face. I told her I didnt understand because I always smile. She said that for the longest time yes, I would smile, but it wasn't a real smile. She could tell that I was unhappy and just putting the smile on for my family so they wouldnt realize that I was miserable. But the other night was the first time in a long time that she saw the original "I am really happy" smile that I always used to have.
She said that for so long she has felt like she had failed me as my mother because she didnt know how to put that real smile back on my face. That going balls to the wall with getting healthier and losing as much as I have so far has done it though. Then she started to cry.. and apologized.
I asked her where this came from and she said that she was having breakfast with a friend this morning telling her about the whole thing and she bust out crying half-way through the story right in the middle of the restaurant. Then she said again how sorry she was.

So at this point I am crying in my office and I tell her that I thought I had everyone fooled.. that I was trying to be as happy as I knew they would want to think I was but that I wasn't.. yet I am getting there now.. and that I was sorry that I didnt hide it better.

Then... lol... she got angry with me and yelled at me and told me that I shouldnt hide things like that and for now on if I am unhappy about something i needed to tell oh

So, I promised I would and told her that she might want to re-evaluate the parameters of what she wants me to tell her because I can be really pissy :)

Now, I am sitting here realizing that I have lived a number of years believing that I have fooled everyone but in reality.. I was only fooling myself.

I Love my Momma
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You have an awesome Mom! You are a lucky girl! And you are absolutely right, you were just fooling yourself! It's great that you got that revelation and learned something valuable too! My Mom passed away awhile ago now and my poor husband gets my pissiness! What a lucky guy he is!
    2491 days ago
    Girl gotta love om's they call it like they see it don't they? I wish I lived a loot closer to mine! but I'm four provinces over. SUCKS let me tell ya! So it's a lot of phone calls and writing etc. And it really does bother me at times because my folks aren't getting any younger They're in their 70s now and although in pretty good health considering I still would love to be able to spend time with them on a daily basis. we are so privileged and should never take it for granted!
    2496 days ago
  • DMF2012
    Your mom really loves you - how lucky you are to have her emoticon
    2496 days ago
  • SPIRIT42013
    Welcome to the club! emoticon
    2497 days ago
  • no profile photo NANAW12001
    Great blog. Thanks!
    2497 days ago
    I can be pissy too! LOL ... loved this! Thanks for sharing
    2497 days ago
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