Dreams Coming True Can Be So Stressful

Monday, July 16, 2012

I haven't mentioned it yet on here, mostly because I'm so used to keeping it a secret that I'm kind of afraid the cat will be let out of the bag before it's supposed to be, but since I'm so close to "D-Day", here goes: On August 2nd I am eloping and marrying the love of my life!!!!!! It's a secret because we can't afford a wedding and we thought it would be really cool if it was just Randy and me, with the boys as witness. I'm very excited!

This morning we picked up our marriage license. It's kind of hitting me that this is really happening! After almost 10 years together! After a really shaky start when he told me that he was still grieving for his wife and didn't see himself with anybody else ever again. I am so blessed, we're truly best friends and this seems like the exclamation point on our life together.

I am OVERWHELMED with all kinds of emotions - joy, elation, terror - but it's really the anxiety that's kicking my butt. Nothing like my dreams coming true to really shake up all my ancient insecurities and drive them right up to the surface!

And my food is showing it, I have been "soothing" my nerves with food a lot over the last few days.

I am having alternating thoughts that he's going to run off to avoid getting married, he's going to get killed in a motorcycle accident two days before the big day, **I** am somehow going to die or get grievously injured, or someone in my family, and that somehow it won't happen. Or it will happen but within days he's going to change from the great guy he is into some horrible ogre who won't let me do anything. Or he's going to wake up the next morning and decide he's made a huge mistake. Picture every horrible thing that could possibly go wrong and it's gone through my head.

And that's the worst part, there's some part of me that KNOWS this is all in my head, but I am COMPLETELY POWERLESS to not react to it and feel HORRIBLE.

I should be HAPPY. I have much to be grateful for. I'm getting married in two weeks and all I want to do is bury my face in food until I'm totally senseless.

If I use my 12-step programs advice, I just need to stay in TODAY, right now. Right now I'm at work, sneaking online to write this. My food has been planned for the day, I'm going to a meeting tonight, I have my running training tonight and I've planned on hitting the studio for an hour since I have a craft fair coming up. Everything is FINE.

I have to do this every 30 seconds, though. GAAAAAAAH!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Exciting times ahead.....and I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world emoticon
    2098 days ago
    Wow, congratulations!!!!
    2099 days ago
    2099 days ago
    Congrats!! You've given yourself the best possible advice when you say to "stay in today" - now DO it. :) Best wishes on your big day, and for many more happy years together!
    2099 days ago
    Congrats! Don't let all those thoughts take over your life, enjoy this special moment for the two of you. emoticon
    2099 days ago
    Awww! You got me all teary! I know food is comfort during stressful times, but you are stronger than that. You can do this! Relax, breathe, and enjoy. Let yourself be happy.

    2099 days ago
    Congrats!! It will all work out great!! When all is done you will be amazed at how great it all is and things will just get better!!
    2100 days ago
    Aw congratulations! And also, have some hugs emoticon
    2100 days ago
    Congratulations! Later on, as the wife you can consider what all those worries was about... in reality I guess not so much will change but it obviously means a lot to you so enjoy!
    2101 days ago
    Congratulations! I'm truly so happy for you! How exciting!

    I don't know if this will help, but I remember being hella anxious in the days and weeks leading up to my wedding, but in the end, I remember realizing that there comes a point where you just have to close your eyes, hold your breath and trust that it will all work out in the end.

    I know -- blind faith from someone who has little faith to begin with -- but there it is. You do what you can to understand this person you're marrying, make sure he's the kind of guy you want to spend a lot of time with, the kind of guy you want around your kids, see him at his best and his worst, see him through good times and bad, that's all you can do. There comes a point where you just have to take the plunge and damn the consequences.

    So, damn the consequences...and stop worrying!
    Have an amazing wedding, and may your every day be better than the last!
    2101 days ago
    Thanks, lovely ladies!!! I'm feeling a little bit better this morning - I'm sure I'll freak out again, but for today, I'm just trying to keep it really real and be in the "NOW" instead of in the "MAYBE" craziness. emoticon
    2101 days ago
    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! SO awesome! 1) because it's been forever and you deserve that, 2) because "eloping" is SO freakin' romantic, 3) August 2nd is my anniversary, too! hehe Why are you so anxious though, babe? He is the love of your life, you have been together for 10 years, you are HAPPY together.. no need to sabotage yourself or make yourself FEEL bad for it. You worry too much about what CAN happen instead of elating in what IS happening. Anything CAN happen, but.. you have to keep in mind that it wont. Be happy in your NOW, darling. Please! Worrying about the past and the future just makes us a wreck.. and its not worth it! Live for today, for you, for your happiness... and nothing else is going to matter :) Congratulations!! XOXO
    2102 days ago
    OMG! I am so excited for you! You're a beautiful, good person, and you deserve to have beautiful, good things happen to you! Relax and let them happen.

    2102 days ago
    Everything will be fine!! I think what you're going through is normal for a lot of people. Now - congrats!! This is very exciting. I know you're going through tons of emotions right now, but you'll hit a spot where you just relax and can breathe.... then you can just sit back and enjoy!!

    2102 days ago
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