MYREALANA

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I chased my MIL out of my house

Monday, July 16, 2012

She finally snapped my last nerve.

After weeks of gradually getting more and more beaten down by he niggling little passive-aggressive digs, I lost it.
"I've never heard of doing it that way."
"That's not how I clean a bathroom/kitchen/carpet/cat box."
"I never had to put limits on TV time when Jon was a kid."
"I guess you forgot to clean out the cat box with Alaric gone. Sure will be nice for you when he's home to do these chores."
"I never heard of training a dog like that. It's so mean." (To scold her using an alpha-dog-like growl and then immediately praise her when she does the right thing.)
"We don't have to tell Mom about this." (For everything from eating fast food more often than I allow, to playing video games when he was told to clean his room, to breaking a picture frame and trying to hide it.)

Oh, so many others...

Last night, she commented on the Salad I was making for dinner. "I never heard of using an avocado that ripe..." (It was perfectly ripe. Soft and mashable, but not mushy. Buttery, healthy goodness for our dinner.)

I said "DING! I'm sorry, that was the sound of you reaching your lifetime limit on snarky little digs. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off."

"What?"

I said "Your constant notes on how I do things? 'I never heard of this or that or the other thing.' Buying your own brand of cleaners. Telling my kids that my rules don't apply. All that stuff. You're done. You've used up all you're allowed and now you need to find a new way to communicate."

She sputtered and got pitiful. She accused me of hating her, of taking her son away, etc.

I stood my ground. "None of that is true, but you are in my home, and you are not only being extremely disrespectful, you are engaging in a delibarate campaign to undermine my children's respect for me, your son and our rules. You're welcome to stay out your visit, if you can change the way you communicate, or even make a genuine effort to change, but I'm not going to stand here and let your insults wash off me any more."

She made a few threats - "I'll leave and you'll never see me again. I'll just die alone." That kind of thing.

I said "If that's how this has to go, then so be it. It's not my goal. It's your choice."

When I woke up this morning, she, her dog and all of her stuff were gone. No note. No phone call. No messages. My husband expects he won't hear from her except through relatives for some time.

He's OK with it. He knows I haven't been a saint on this visit, but he also knows that I did my best to accomodate and he backs me on the decision to put my foot down.

I hope she calms down and is willing to at least come to Alaric's HS graduation this spring. If not, I know Alaric will understand it's not him, it's her.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • COACHPENNY
    It was well said and to the point. It's unfortunate, it had to come to that but, the relentless beating down, had to stop. At least your husband understands and gets it.
    2863 days ago
  • TERRRI
    Good for you for planning this in advance and not just snapping.

    When we first put up with someone's behaviour or comments we think we are doing the right thing not knowing how long those comments will continue. Sometimes it is just a few and okay to let them go but some times like in your situation they just go on and on. I have been in similar situations to yours and now I try to speak up sooner rather than let things continue at my expense. Some times people don't like me being upfront but in the long run it works out.

    Glad you got your home back.
    2866 days ago
  • CITYZOZO
    well done woman! so courageous... you really explained things simply and respectfully.. way to go.. so glad your guy backs you.. .. way to go!
    2869 days ago
  • SCARJOWANNABE
    This was amazing, I have a relative that I wish I could be honest with but it's never that bad. Good for you!
    2879 days ago
  • PLMITCH
    WOW! Way to go! That certainly took a ton of courage, and you are to be commended!

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    2879 days ago
  • MYREALANA
    I confess - when I reached my limit, I planned what I was going to say and rehearsed it while walking the dog. Then, I just waited for then next opportunity to use it. I hadn't been home five minutes when she gave me the chance.
    2879 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/17/2012 10:28:06 AM
  • STEPH-KNEE
    Your ding comment was PURE GENIUS. I laughed and wanted to cheer at the same time. You explained yourself so amazingly well and she needs to grow up and see that you are right, and when she does decide to contact you guys she needs to apologize. I'm proud of you and I'm glad that hubby is backing you on this one (as he should). :)
    2880 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12236521
    Good for you for standing up to her! There's no good reason to act like she was. I hope that you can now enjoy the time with your family without all the drama.
    2880 days ago
  • SUNNIKC
    Good for you!! I love that you stood up for yourself but also that your husband understands.

    2880 days ago
  • FLY0NTHEWAL1
    What a great blog. I love when I hear about people standing up for themselves. Hurrah to you!
    2880 days ago
  • 23KAIYA
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    Good for you, standing up for yourself and your husband.
    2880 days ago
  • AANGEL3
    Way to go! emoticon
    2880 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/16/2012 4:49:52 PM
  • no profile photo CD1114095
    emoticon Well done! It was great how you gave her the choice! I think it was about time and kudos to hubby for being behind you! There are just some people in our lives that are poison, your MIL and my sister. (Sis is a lot like your MIL). Love them but love them from afar!
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    2880 days ago
  • BUDDYSMYFRIEND
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    2880 days ago
  • MINIME119
    wow :) it's always 'pay now or pay later'....especially with negative people. better to deal with it and let the chips fall where they may.

    i bow in your presence....

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    2880 days ago
  • CAMAEL100
    OMG - sounds so like someone I know!! (only it is my mother, not MIL) And It has taken me years to do what you have done. And that is the only way to deal with someone like that. You didn't ask her to leave, you outlined the rules of her staying. It was her choice to leave. You are 100% right. if she dies alone, it is her choice not anything anyone else can do anything about.

    My theory is that if someone is visiting my house they should respect my rules and my way of doing things, just like I do in any house I visit. And that is irrespective of how off the wall I think those rules/ways are. My home is my castle and the only place I can be totally ME!

    I am glad your husband stood by you, but I suspect that he has been putting up with that for a long time and may secretly be happy with you!!! I think you handled it very well.
    2880 days ago
  • SIBLEYHONEYBEE
    Phew. Glad that's over! Well, I'm glad for your family's sake that the situation is resolved. It is hard to feel like a stranger in your own home and when she starts skewing your children's minds to her way of thinking that is really the last straw for me too. I am sorry for your husband, but I'm glad he turned out to be such a great guy even with a mother like that, lol! I hope you are finally able to get your house back in order this week in the aftermath and enjoy the rest of your summer.

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    2880 days ago
  • KETTLEBURN
    wow. i really don't blame you one bit for getting that kind of negativity out of your home. there's only so much one person can take and eventually you have to, as you said, put your foot down. you were doing what was necessary for your own, your husband's and your son's happiness. a negative presence, even if it's not angry or mean per se, can weigh very heavily on a person. i admire your strength in this case.
    2880 days ago
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