100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 116,208

The Plague?

Friday, July 13, 2012

I might have the plague. There's a guy at my kid's camp who is nice to pretty much everyone. Except for some reason he treats me with serious enough disdain that I'm beginning to wonder if I have some flesh eating bacteria that he's afraid of catching.

Seriously, though, I know I don't have anything like that (sorry if I offended anyone with an actual disease similar to the one I described to make my point). The thing is, I just can't seem to shake thinking about it. I am obsessed with why this guy has singled me out to be dismissive to. What did I do? I'm replaying all our interactions in my head. It's sick. I can't stop.

Why? Because I'm a people pleaser. I can't stand for someone who seems otherwise nice to dislike me. Maybe I remind him of a horrible schoolteacher he once had. Or a horrible aunt. But the point is that it shouldn't matter AT ALL. I should be able to shrug it off and just go about my business knowing I'm a good person, a good mom, and a good (if extremely busy) friend. Why isn't that enough for me? How in the world do I let this go?

Thankfully today is the last day of camp, but the thing is that I know myself. I'm going to keep obsessing about this for a while. I need to just let it go. It may have nothing to do with me directly. Part of the problem is, I'm a peacemaker. I like to help dissolve misunderstandings and show opposing parties that they're really more on the same page than they know. I love showing people how much they have in common and breaking down misconceptions until they're completely busted apart and everyone knows what was in everyone else's heart. So it kills me to think I may have made some sort of comment that made this young man feel bad. It drives me nuts to not know if there was a misunderstanding. But I can't ask him--it would be too weird because I shouldn't care! It's not like the guy is in my life in any significant way, especially not after today. I just have to find a way to let it go. And I'm hoping blogging about it will be the outlet I need.

Gosh, you're so obsessive, you say? Yup, you know my big secret now (not really a big secret). I just hope I can let it go soon, b/c it makes me ravenously hungry, and then sick feeling, in quick succession.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CANNIE50
    I can relate to the people pleasing (I am semi-retired from this, thank goodness) and obsessing over what people think of me (nearly completely retired from that affliction). When I have been in this situation, I learned to dive right through temporary discomfort and very politely say "have I done something to offend you?" Either they look at you like you are completely off-base, or they have to stammer an excuse at which point you may or may not find out what it is they are taking offense to. Anyway, it is a good way to challenge our obsessive thinking head-on, in an effort to derail it (though I love the suggestion from DollfacedX - excellent). It could have been a case of mistaken identity for all you know. It is this kind of crazy-making situation that inspired me to learn to be more of a "cards on the table" kind of person. So, you do have a disease but it is not the plague - it is the disease of people pleasing and a secondary infection of thinking you are or should be a mind reader. Thankfully, there are cures for both of these ailments and you have the kind of personality that will respond well, once you start consciously choosing to adopt a different approach. It is worth it, believe me. PS He missed out on getting to know someone absolutely delightful - his loss, doll.
    3262 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2219650
    I agree. You can't NOT think about this guy and his opinion unless you DO think about something else. I know it sounds corny, but I like to concentrate on things that I am grateful for in my life. Good Luck - hope it works and you forget all about this jerk and whatever his issue is.
    3262 days ago
    DOLLFACEDX. I learned that trick a few years ago. It works! Thanks for reminding me! Chris
    3262 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8667808
    I know it all too well. I have a colleague at work who doesn't want (or need) my help, but I can't understand why, because I'm pretty charming and helpful and everybody else always accepts my help. But from my perspective, she acts like I'm a total pest. I was obsessing about it until I decided that I don't know who she sees when she looks at me, but she doesn't see me. It's still hard though. I hope blogging it out does help you get through it. emoticon
    3262 days ago
    As a previously obsessive individual, I learned to 'distract' myself each time an obsessive thought entered my brain - I call the technique 'distract and ignore'. Find something, anything, that totally distracts you - visually aurally, physically; anytime this rises in your mind, remind yourself you're ignoring it and you really don't care at all - actually say the words out loud, if need be. It'll take a while but I've found this works for me. Good luck!!
    3262 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by AAAACK