Friday, July 13, 2012
I might have the plague. There's a guy at my kid's camp who is nice to pretty much everyone. Except for some reason he treats me with serious enough disdain that I'm beginning to wonder if I have some flesh eating bacteria that he's afraid of catching.
Seriously, though, I know I don't have anything like that (sorry if I offended anyone with an actual disease similar to the one I described to make my point). The thing is, I just can't seem to shake thinking about it. I am obsessed with why this guy has singled me out to be dismissive to. What did I do? I'm replaying all our interactions in my head. It's sick. I can't stop.
Why? Because I'm a people pleaser. I can't stand for someone who seems otherwise nice to dislike me. Maybe I remind him of a horrible schoolteacher he once had. Or a horrible aunt. But the point is that it shouldn't matter AT ALL. I should be able to shrug it off and just go about my business knowing I'm a good person, a good mom, and a good (if extremely busy) friend. Why isn't that enough for me? How in the world do I let this go?
Thankfully today is the last day of camp, but the thing is that I know myself. I'm going to keep obsessing about this for a while. I need to just let it go. It may have nothing to do with me directly. Part of the problem is, I'm a peacemaker. I like to help dissolve misunderstandings and show opposing parties that they're really more on the same page than they know. I love showing people how much they have in common and breaking down misconceptions until they're completely busted apart and everyone knows what was in everyone else's heart. So it kills me to think I may have made some sort of comment that made this young man feel bad. It drives me nuts to not know if there was a misunderstanding. But I can't ask him--it would be too weird because I shouldn't care! It's not like the guy is in my life in any significant way, especially not after today. I just have to find a way to let it go. And I'm hoping blogging about it will be the outlet I need.
Gosh, you're so obsessive, you say? Yup, you know my big secret now (not really a big secret). I just hope I can let it go soon, b/c it makes me ravenously hungry, and then sick feeling, in quick succession.