So I have lost weight and got to my goal weight area twice. Because of this I have taken a hard look at myself to figure out why I can get there but never maintain it. Things I learned were:
I have never been a healthy weight for my height. I have been the overweight, "fat kid", since 1st grade. I honestly didn't know how to deal with being smaller and having people who I had grown up with to those I currently knew comments of how good I looked. One guy in particular made me very uncomfortable by his attention, luckily only saw him once. What did I do when I gone uncomfortable, turned to food.
I am not dealing with this issue just yet but I have decided that if this feeling comes back this time around I am going to talk with my husband and look into seeing a counselor. I know that by completing my 21 days of No Binge Eating on my Compulsive OverEaters Team ( www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
) I have stopped turning to food as much when I am bored or emotional.
When I lost weight both times, I didn't see the new me. When I looked in the mirror I saw the "fat" Carrie and not the "thin" Carrie.
This time I am learning to love my current body. I take time to look at myself in the mirror to find the good things in me. I also take time to notice the changes of my body as I loose weight. This something I avoided in the past and one reason I think i didn't see the thinner Carrie when the weight was down.
Realized I was an emotional and overeater. When I came to this realization I started challenges like the 21 Day No Binge Eating ( www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
When I started the 21 day challenge I kept failing. When reading and talking with a spark friend I realized that I was expecting myself to be perfect. Eat perfect, never have a bad day and so forth. Now I am a teacher and I don't even expect my students to be perfect in everything they do. I am a mother and wife and I do not expect perfection of my children or husband. Why in the world was I expecting it out of me! So, you could say I took a chill pill. I started to forgive myself. WOW is all I have to say in the difference in my attitude about my journey now. Very much a laid back approach and try (still sometimes do) to put pressure on myself to perform at perfection level. I am good with a low A as my average. Heck I will take a B.
Last but nowhere near least. My old desire was to be skinny. Not runway skinny but just skinny/sexy body. Going back to my first mindset I don't think I could ever handle it. After that I wanted to be in my healthy range for BMI. Now that would knowingly get me into the skinny/sexy range but again I now know I couldn't handle it.
This time around it is all about my health. I have no set date to get me to my goal weight which is the 170's. This was set by my Dr. and I am good with it but honestly I just want to be healthy and comfortable in my own skin. That is all that matters to me now and puts a
on my face.
So my goals for this month, yes I do it monthly because they are ever changing are.
My origional goals for July were ( www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
1. Cont. C25K training.
2. Cont. to make the best choices on food while on vacation.
3. Cont. Soda Challenge by not drinking soda this month.
4. Exercise - on the days I do not run, complete some form of exercise.
5. Cont. to stay busy to keep my mind off of food.
When I wrote them I was going on vacation and had a positive outlook. I did good for the first 10 days but feel back into my old ways when I got back around my family and well all those goals went out the door. Basically, I am still doing 3 and 5. I had to let go of the C25K training because I hurt my knee on vacation and per doctors order have to let it rest. Today was a rest day and well I have a feeling my week of every other day walking is going to last longer than just one week. The lord may surprise me but again, new mindset. I am going to listen to my doctor and my body and if it means more rest and well no more running then that is what I am going to have to do (still praying to finish my C25K training though).
P.S. this blog is for a mini challenge for the Red Hot Heartbreakers Challenge www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
on the DONE Being The Fat Girl! team ( www.sparkpeople.com/mysp
). Can you tell I like challenges?
With that said I have been asked to list my measurements and current photo. So here it goes.
Weight 206 lbs, Chest 44.25, Waist 43, Hips 51.25, Right: Bicep 13.75, Thigh 27.25, and Calf 17.
I can't seem to get Spark to upload a photos tonight. I expect you all to not let me forget to post my lovely photo from this evening or of the one of my ideal weight. However, you can see images of me and my ideal image on my sparkpage which is www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
Thank you all you made it through my long blog! I hope everyone had a great day sparking.