30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 33,955

New Life - Again

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I just turned sixty-four! It’s a strange age – I read of so many leaving this world at this age, but then there is the frightening truth that I may have another thirty five years to go… So I have been trapped in a series of days that begin with hopes and schemes for a future that finally fulfills some of the dreams that have lingered at the edge of my mind all these years, and end with a vague dread that I will wake up to begin the hopeless cycle again.

What does this have to do with weight? I continue to hang onto the hope that if I reach a certain weight I will have the strength, the stamina, and the right to be happy. I don’t think it is simple happiness I seek now, but a feeling of content – that the world is right and good and the absolute joy that comes with it. I have had this at times in the past – the insane joy that knows all is well and ignores all the possible future pains and worries. I want it again. Does it really depend on my waist measurement? If I began each day with joy, wouldn’t the enthusiasm and excitement in my mind and step pull me away from the unhealthy habits that cause my extra weight? Am I so timid that I will continue to hide behind my weight?

I long to spend my days creating the way I used to do; why have I allowed that to slip away, as if I no longer deserve the simple pleasure and joy of creation? Why am I denying myself the life I actually have within my reach? Why am I not embracing the joy? Why am I using my fat to protect myself from possible rejection? Why do I give power to others? Why do I seek unconditional acceptance from the world when I am unable to give it? Why am I not “living in the moment”, but instead worrying about the unpredictable future? When can I just BE?

I have found the answer for my weight – JOY! What have I got to lose?
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • T42AND24T
    Such a beautifully thoughtful and honest blog, my dear friend. You have given me lots to ponder. You have echoed my thoughts with almost eerie precision. May I also comment on how much I like your new profile pic? I see a lovely and vulnerable face. Your spirit is wonderfully visible.


    2103 days ago
    So glad to find a new blog from you, my Friend, one that is brimming with my own findings of the past year. Joy IS the answer, and it may be true that we can be as happy as we decide to be, yet my old companion joy has been more scarce in the past few months.

    S0, recently I took an online course designed to help me find powerful new goals befitting 'me' nowadays (with those possible three more decades), ready to discover, enjoy and contribute. So far, so good -- am still doing the last two sets of 'homework' for it. I suspect these will give me my first baby-steps into a meaningful new path alongside a refreshed creative urge.

    Just working away at this stuff for the past two months HAS popped me back aboard the healthy eating wagon and has even led to a new spurt of fitness activity.

    My task now is to keep 'em rolling along again, remembering to relax in love and trust, and to awaken joy in any little way at hand.

    We're doing it ... one moment at a time, seems to me, my Dear! So much to be grateful and to be giggling and grinning over!!

    2108 days ago
    Go for it, gf! You can achieve whatever your heart desires.
    2108 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by SEATTLE9