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The rest of the story

Monday, July 09, 2012

OMG! My flippin' MIL is rewriting my resume, making stuff up she doesn't understand, and even made me a new email account. She doesn't like me using my old one because it has my maiden name and thinks it would be confusing to prospective employees. She did the same thing to my husband during his job search. He's so used to letting her do what she wants he's afraid to say anything. She knows I hate her looking for a new job for me, she's been doing it since I started working at my current job since it has never been good enough. Funny how the only reason she gets pad the big bucks is because she keeps her boss' dirty little secrets. TMI, I apologize. Anyway, she now prefaces giving me a new want ad by saying "Now, I'm not doing this to upset you, but.....". We've discussed this I don't know how many times. A bit more than meddling I would say.

So tonight I came home from work and started cleaning so the apartment will be spotless when they come over on Thursday. If I wasn't excited about getting a decent bed in the guest room I'd not care. At least I was warned that they were coming. Of course it still won't be clean enough here. I have two cats and a healthy stash of yarn. I have books and hobbies. I don't live in a museum.

Whenever we sit down to discuss her meddling it always turns into an attack on my husband. I so wish they would go to family counseling. She tries to raise her grandkids her way too, but her daughter is able to put her in her place. Of course the SIL isn't good enough either, but he makes good enough money.

I am so sick of being judged, but of course she isn't judging me, she just wants the best for us. Yeah, right! If I don't talk enough when I'm there she complains to my husband. If I don't go with she wants to know why I don't like her. If I try talking to her it's all about what she wants for us. Yesterday was a lot of fun when they decided to cook a frozen pizza. I wonder how many more times she could have told me how bad she felt because I couldn't eat it. At least she didn't try to keep us longer after I said it was time to leave.

I give up. I will never be good enough for her, but that's her issue. I'm happy with who I am. I like my job and I'm good at it. Of course it would be nice to make more money, but not at the expense of losing myself. There are things I value more than money.

Time for a bubble bath and some relaxation tea so I don't end up staying up all night tonight freaking out about her coming over on Thursday. If it's not good enough she doesn't need to come over anymore.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Man, you guys live in a horrible situation.... To avoid conflict or confrontations and in an easy, calm tone, I would say, " I'm not sure I feel comfortable with all of this. I suggest that we all go see a family therapist since there is so much going on. It's a good idea to have a 3rd party look into our situation and provide some helpful suggestions/tools to help us get through it."

    This would be kind, you're not being irrational and there shouldn't be any reason the MIL to have any qualms about it. If she does, calmly tell her that this is something that is important to me to explore all possible options before making huge decisions and I'll get on it right now to make us an appointment.

    Sorry, I know you're not asking for advice, I hope you don't mind me providing it.

    Keep us posted.
    2145 days ago
    I am so sorry! I'd have flipped out by now if I were you, told my husband he needs to make things change or else. (Also, screw last-minute cleaning - let him do it!) Yeah, I'm heartless, but that kind of controlling behavior is way, way out of line. Privacy, personal space? Seriously the woman needs an intervention of some kind, and a lesson in boundaries. *fumes and scowls on your behalf*
    2145 days ago
    I know what you are talking about my MIL was the same way nothing I did was good enough. She treated me like I did not know how to do anything. It upset me at the time. I made it past that knowing that I really did know how to do many of the things she made me feel like I didn't. I'm glad to hear that you are not letting this stop you from doing what you need to do. Hang in there. emoticon
    2146 days ago
  • 67YKCEB
    I'm so sorry. I would probably divorce my hubby just to get away from her! You definitely need to stand up to her. Tell her what you think. If she doesn't like it or if hubby doesn't like it, well then tough. You have got to stand up for yourself.
    My MIL has said things about my mess before, and I've told her that she could clean my house anytime she wanted to, I even pointed out where the cleaning stuff was. She has never said anything about my mess again. hmmm but then they don't come over very often anymore either.
    Yeah your going to have to tell her to butt out of your life. I'm so sorry that you have this problem.
    Praying that things get better for you. emoticon
    2146 days ago
    I will continue praying for the LORD'S PEACE and COMFORT over you! If she starts
    to upset you on Thursday pray to the LORD for HIS strength on how to handle the situation. Keep on loving yourself as the LORD loves you! Also, give all your anxiety
    over to The LORD as HE does care and love you!

    2146 days ago
    emoticon Some people can never be pleased with anyone else because they're not happy with themselves. You're a great person and don't need her approval. If you can stand up for yourself without hurting your husband in the process, do so. Otherwise maybe it's best to just avoid her. If she thinks you don't like her, then maybe she'll finally get it (but probably not). Keep doing wonderful things for yourself - you deserve it. Don't push yourself harder than you are willing to for her sake. If she doesn't think the house is clean enough then tell her tough noogies - you're the one that lives there and she's just visiting. (Won't help much, but nice to think about, right?)
    2146 days ago
    MMM. I have one of those too. Had her around for 19yrs. A pushy MIL She always swears our house smells( the woman has smoked for 50yrs, I'm pretty sure she can't smell anything). She hates cats- I have always had , and always will have a housecat. My husband always says once she's leaves our house that if she wasn't his mother - he'd never sit at a table with her. I have learned to tell her no, when she pushes me too far, and I do state my opinions. I do stand up for my children, and put my foot down when she tries to pressure them into what ever..spending the night, going shopping ,etc..
    I know she doesn't like me- really doesn't concern me too much, since if she did, she'd want to hang around here alot more.
    I wouldn't spend too much time trying to be good enough for your MIL. You are the best for your husband, otherwise you wouldn't be together. Hope the bath helps.

    2146 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/9/2012 10:59:26 PM
    Oh wow... I don't know how you handle that - but it sounds like you're doing a great job of keeping your head and not confusing her opinions with objective reality. Go, you! That can be tough, so pat yourself on the back ;-) She probably really does mean well and just learned odd ways of showing it (probably from her mom!) I hope your husband is on your side, too!

    2146 days ago
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