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For The Religious - Part I

Monday, July 09, 2012

Even those who attend church make mistakes. Some of those mistakes may make prospective members reconsider.

Seen on Church Bulletin Boards:

-- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.

-- Tuesday at 4PM, there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.

-- Wednesday, the Relief Society will meet. Sister Johnson will sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed", accompanied by the bishop.

-- Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club. All those wishing to become little mothers please meet the bishop in his office.

-- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Sister Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the podium.

-- On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.

-- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

-- A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

-- Sign outside a church: "Sermon for Sunday: What is Hell like?"
Just below was the message: "Come in and hear our choir sing."

-- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

-- Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.

-- Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

-- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

-- Bishop Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

-- The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

-- Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Would of love to see some of them too. LOL
    2450 days ago
    Too funny...I would attend just to watch Sister Johnson lay an egg...anywhere she wanted!
    2450 days ago
    By the time I got to the end of the list, I was giggling helplessly! Dear me: pure souls with minds above the double entendre, obviously.

    These reminded me of a few years ago when I lived in a tiny flat that had a shared outside toilet. My neighbour (with whom I shared the toilet) discovered that our postman (mail man) was using the facilities on his daily round, which he certainly shouldn't have been. She put a note on the door:

    'Dear postman, please don't use our toilet because we have told the landlord and he is looking into it.'

    There is no record of any riposte by the postman.
    2450 days ago
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