Smart or not...

It's been a while since I made an entry. Plenty going on to keep me busy, but part of it is that I'm finally getting used to this lifestyle a bit. At least enough that I'm thinking of choices before I make them. While this may seem a natural decision to some people, it's tough for me when it comes to food.

Just sent the 'boys' to the movies. I say boys, but my sons are both adults now. They wanted to see something I'm not interested in, so it really wasn't a hard decision on that account. But what I question is the food decision.

I don't think I've ever been to the movies, with one exception, without buying snacks of some sort. And while this may not be true in other parts of the country, here in New England, some movie theaters even give free refills if the customer purchases the large sized popcorn and drink. No, it's not as bad as it sounds, as we would share the snacks among the four of us. (I was never so bad at food choices that I would eat a large popcorn, plus a free refill, on my own!) And that one exception was the day we went to the movies right after we had lunch at a fast-food restaurant, so again, the choice wasn't that great. But to me, it just doesn't seem like I get the 'whole movie experience' if I don't have snacks. And I've always felt guilty trying to sneak my own food in, even after I realized how bad that fake butter and all that sodium was for my body.

So it's like I'm a split personality every time we go to the movies, and in a way, I'm relieved that I'm not on the way to the theater now. That way I don't have any huge guilty feelings over eating enough popcorn to feed a small army, yet don't feel that I missed out on something because I was a 'good girl'. But was this really a sign of food maturity, a sign that I've turned the corner on making good food choices? Or was this just a cop-out because the boys wanted to see a movie I'm not really interested in anyway?

How do I tell the difference between wiser choices and simple avoidance? And does it really matter, because in the long run, I didn't end up eating any guilty foods? Does the end justify the means, or is it no-holds-barred all the way? And will I feel this conflicted two months or two years down the line? Does it ever get easier?