Is God and Angry God or a Loving God???
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
I know my belief to the answer of this question. I have felt it in my heart. I know that God is a loving God. I don't care what you call God. Just for the sake of acknowleding that i live in the US and here most people use the word God, I am doing so. But I am pained. I am looking at posts from some very dear, honest, loving, kind people who are trying their best to make their way through this web of life and at the same time being preached at or taught that God is a Vengeful God. An angry God. And I don't agree. Ok, I know this is just an opinion, despite what we all want to believe, I suppose that none of us can totally know what God is. It is like the story of 5 people touching an elephant and describing what they feel as if it were the sum total of the whole elephant rather than just the part that they can touch, feel, and understand. And they can fight with each other and argue that their view is the correct view. And they can all actually be right.
And yet, this issue still pushes my buttons. it is my belief that some churches abuse their power and preach fear and tribulation to keep their parishioners under the control and power of the church. Ok, no spit balls please. I am just stating an opionion. I don't want to offend. I don't mean to hurt anyone. I just have to wonder.....
Many people call God, the Father. And equate our relationship to God as Father/Child. Now as a parent of two wonderful but challenging kids, I can't help but wonder, if we are Gods "children" or if God loves us as "children", then why would his love be less than my love for my children. After all, being human, my love should not be as deep, strong, and consistent as God's. My buttons get pushed. I get tired. My body chemicals get screwed up. And sometimes, I am not in that loving place. But no matter what my children do I will love them. I WILL LOVE THEM. They are my children. They may eat the wrong foods, have sex before they should, experiment with drugs, call people names, think ugly thoughts, hurt one another, have feelings of jealousy, resentment, anger. They may even murder someone. I hope not. I want the best for my kids. But I don't care what they do. I WILL LOVE THEM. You can't make me stop. They can't make me stop. So why would God be Vengeful?? Why would God withhold love from me because I have ugly thoughts, because I break the law and go 9miles over the speed limit, because sometimes I feel hate, because I am not perfect, because I don't follow the rules that some church made up somewhere. Why would God give me free will if all that meant was that God was going to punish me for choosing other than the Right thing.
I feel religious abuse is a heinous crime. I have been raped. I have been molested. I have been beaten. I have been tormented and tortued. And yet, the worst of all things was the religious abuse. Because it tries to steal your soul. And it isn't even illegal. If I can forgive a rapist, a molester, a beater, a tormenter a torturer (none of whom have apoligized or asked for forgiveness) can't God??? If I can still know that there is a spark, no matter how small, of good in everyone, can't God????
Ok, so pull out the guns. Throw the big ones at me. What about serial killers? Child rapists? I'm not saying let them walk around on the street. But did you know that a study of everyone on death row discovered that without exception at the time of the study, every person had been almost killed by their primary caretaker. I just got physically sick as I typed that. Imagine it. Your mother tries to kill you. Some of you may not have to imagine, you may have had that experience, if so, I'm sorry. And not everyone who has had that experience ends up being a criminal, I know. Just like not everyone who was molested is a molester. So, could it be that these people were born in the image of God and that their horrible care/abuse by their caretakers made the dark, angry, resentful, vengeful part of them grow so big that the part that was in the image of God was just a tiny, tiny dot? I don't pretend to know. But what I do believe, is that whatever I can forgive, God can forgive more. If I can see someones goodness despite their behavior, God can see it clearer and better.
And if God can love and forgive and be better than I am as a human, how can God be vengeful and angry and unforgiving and torturing at the same time. If God were vengeful and angry and unforgiving, would that not make God more like those who are on this earth that hurt people??? I just can't wrap my head around it.
I know-throw the bible at me. somewhere in the old testament god says vengence is mine sayeth the lord. But maybe that means that we don't need to worry ourselves with vengence. God has everything under control. And I would challenge anyone of you that quote one or two sentences out of the old testament to read the ENTIRE old testamet and follow it EXACTLY as it is written. Proposturous you might say? Well, who decided we could eat the meat of animals with split hooves but that God was vengeful. Who decided that you could still have sex with a woman who was on her period and that women do not have to go to a separate hut for the 7 days of their period and the 7 days after, having no contact with others as she was unclean, but decided that other parts of leviticus are to be followed exactly?? And who decided that an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth was outdated. How many people that quote one or two sentenses out of the old testament have even read the old testament. How many have studied religious history? How many follow every sentence of the old testament literally? And who really decides which sentence is to be followed and which sentence is outdated? Or is it a matter of convenience?? After all, what man wants to not be allowed to have sex with his wife for 2 weeks out of a month? And how many people love pork? And how many people have been able to read the old testament as it was originally written--not translated. And don't we all acknowledge that in any translation there are things lost and things not understood?
I respect that everyone has a right to their opionion. In the same way, I have a right to mine. And I believe that God is a loving God. And that God's love never fails. And that even if we can't see it or understand it, there is a reason for everything. (of course, that doesn't stop me at being angry at God at times, because after all I'm human and I have been through a heck of a lot of nasty stuff). But even when I am angry at God, God loves me. Just like when my 3 year old would have temper tantrums and not love me and be mad at me, I still loved her. And she knew it.
Please don't send me hate mail. I mean no harm. If you don't like what I write, don't believe it. Don't read it. but do not reach out to hurt me. And if you feel so compelled, you can write your own blog on your own perspective. This is just my blog and my perspective.
And with that, I leave you words from the new testament. "and the greatest of these is love"-Jesus and "love one another"-Jesus
With much love,