I want to be your size!....Ummm SAY WHAT?!?!
Friday, June 29, 2012
On my last trip to visit friends and family "back home" I heard many things I never EVER thought would be said about me. They all had me floating on cloud nine but at the same time I had a hard time accepting the compliments coming my way. I just haven't completely wrapped my mind around how far I have come. Dont get me wrong I know I have come a long long ways and I'm proud of that....but its almost like I forget how far I have made it. I think just being very morbidly obese my whole life its hard to really grasp that I am in the 180s and wearing regular sizes and that I look so different. At a recent cousins graduation party I had a family member say and I quote "I want to be your size!" I of course tell her well thank you but in my mind I'm thinking are you crazy my size who wants to be this size. You see the size I am now is something I thought I could only dream of being but couldn't become.
But here I am wearing 12 in jeans (some 14s I'm not gonna lie....but the 14s are getting loose and the 12s less snug), and I wear a medium in my tops....I'm happy with being this size...I love it.
So why in my head am I thinking are you crazy you want to be my size...well thats because in my head I am still around 250-270 wearing 22/24s...
its so funny because I dont picture myself at 373 wearing 32s
but I dont see myself where I am now either....
I still see myself some where in the middle. When people compliment me or make comments like this I actually have to remind myself that I'm not that old person any more. This same trip I was told by a friend who is working out hours a day that she wants a waist like mine....really??? like mine??? oh yeah I do have a waist now....also while shopping with my cousin I was complaining about how the new style has stripes going horizontal insted of verticle and how that just isn't flattering....her response was oh shut up its not like thats something you need to worry about skinny....in my mind again...are you talking about me???? Oh my goodness yes yes and yes!!! There were many more instances like these but these are the 3 that stuck out to me most! All things said I would have never ever thought to hear in my wildest dreams and my dreams are becoming a reality. I wonder if my mind will ever fully accept that I am who I am!!!!
(me resting my badonk after a run with my family...the babies got to cruise in the jogger stroller pushed by my amazing hubby)
And now I'm running too....maybe thats why its all hard to grasp as reality...these things were all just dreams to me at one point...I always thought it was impossible for me to weigh in the 100s, not be wearing plus size clothing, be a healthy mom and wife, I knew I would never be called skinny, and certainly impossible for me to ever run....
I'm here to tell you your dreams can be your reality!!!!!
I'm living my dreams!!!! YOU CAN TOO!!!!